Little Kids: Autistic Meltdowns vs. NT Temper Tantrums

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It was explained in a psychology class of mine that when a child is born, their minds are egocentric (focused on self) so a tantrum/meltdown could be the same thing to a degree, and depending on how long it lasts. To me, and others who have likely said the same, a tantrum is a when a child is throwing a fit over not getting his/her way. A meltdown is from the distress of the situation. Oddly, one of the first few lessons my parents raised me on was, "You can't always get your way." A paddle wasnt too far away to reinforce this when needed (trust me, the mere sight of it is punishment enough, and 3 swats when needed was insurance). Admittedly, this left my non-NT mind to virtually demonize my dad when something came up that harmed me mentally, or some simulation in my mind was mistake for being real (to this day, im not so sure what was or wasnt real when growing up, having been recently diagnosed). As for a meltdown in my case, I dont think ive had anything that severe, but only my mother would really know.

Sometimes the tantrum/meltdown are very similar in young children, both autistic and NT. Not all tantrums are about manipulating. Tantrums can happen because of tiredness and overloading. When a young child hasn't had a nap during the day and you take them shopping in the evening, let's say, to the grocery store, they are more likely to have a tantrum because they are tired and too many things have gone on their CNS hasn't had a chance to rest and recuperate so they have a "spasm" like crying spell where they seem inconsolable much like a meltdown. If you know why tantrums are likely to happen you can prevent them by making sure babies and toddlers have plenty of rest and don't take them places when they are cranky because this often means they are catching something or tired and a tantrum in public will most likely result.
A nap during the day everyday is a good way to prevent tantrums.

Also, I'm not sure whether there's a logic of "If I throw a tantrum then I'll get my way" going through a 2 year olds mind while they're having a fit. Isn't that just the adult's interpretation of the incident? Can't the same behavior happen just by instinct without any "Theory of Mind" going on?

My parents have a dog that begs for walks and if you don't give her a walk immediately when she "asks" she first barks and paws at you and then she goes down to the landing by the door and takes people's shoes (it's really annoying). Yet this dog clearly isn't capable of using "if/then" type predicated logic in other situations. Does anyone think my parents' dog must be an NT dog because it has a ToM for humans? Or is it just an instinctual behavior?

awww that made me sad, poor little autistic kids Interesting post though, to see there are big differences between a tantrum and a meltdown.

This is what I'm confused about now, I've always wondered if these episodes I've had all my life are tanrums or meltdowns, well for now let's just call them "meltrums".
When I was a kid there were different triggers to the meltrums. One was if there were bumps in my socks or if my shoes weren't fastened tight enough (I used to have to have my shoes on really tight) then I would start getting irritible then it would eslcalate into shouting and crying and me screaming "fasten them again!" or "the socks aren't straight!" repeatedly, that faded over the years though. Another one was going home from places, like people's houses especially my nana's nouse, I don't know why but I'd scream uncontrolably if I had to go home from anywhere I enjoyed, over the years it evolved to just crying alot and it disapeared over time, one time when I was 5-7ish I went to my friend's house, and I once again had the meltrum over coming home and her mum said to my mum "even the most gifted kids can have problems" obviously hinting that I was on the spectrum somewhere. And there were other reasons but I can't remember them all, usually had anger/rage involved or extreme disapointment, anyway my parents would say "stop it stop crying calm down" and I'd be like "I CAN'T STOP!".

And I still get them now but are done in the house and stuff. And the triggers have changed slightly too. One of them is people using my computer, I hide the feeling if someone who doesn't live in the house is on it, but if it's my mum or something I'd be like "get off my computer" 100000's of times but then I'd get all this rage filling up and I'd feel like crying and sometimes I do and sometimes I shout and scream like "get off stop messing with my things!! !!". And another is finding out I'm not doing something I was looking forward to or going home from a holiday early (this has more to do with plans changing that "getting my own way"), like I was going to the cinemas the other week and I was told the film wasn't on so I frantically searched the website and felt myself getting more distressed and angry so I'm like "NO!!" then I shouted and banged the armchair and was like "I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, FOR MONTHS! AAAAAAAH!" then crying and stuff, I knew I wouldn't get my own way because this couldn't be changed, it was just how I reacted. And it seems any strong negative emotion can trigger a meltrum, I have a very low emotional threshold and I am immature so the only way I can show my frustration is by uncontrolable crying, shouting, screaming etc, in public it's more of an almost cry and being very irritible and not wanting to talk to anyone. I've also noticed my mums voice when she shouts makes me want to scream. Something happened once where I was at my nana's I had to go back on Monday at school, my family had gone away for the weekend so I couldn't go back on Sunday, and I just couldn't go school from nana's it was a no-no, I just don't go school from there and it feel to weird. So I had a meltrum over it, then when I got to school I felt terrible and cryed in the toilets all day and couldn't stop.

Any ideas as to what those are?????

Not sure if anyone else noticed or not... but the autistic children seemed to be more prone to self injury over it... just utter distress and hurting themselves or doing dangerous things-like the one child going straight for the plugins, that was just scary. I kept thinking "move them, stop talking and stop filming-take those things away right now before he hurts himself".

My son used to bang his head on things, until one day he hurt himself. Now he's very careful about that, but will still kick doors, punch things, etc. and just scream to let it out pretty much is how I see it.

The NT kids definitely look at the reaction more. My daughter does it all of the time. She's calculating whether or not I'm going to cave in any time soon when upset about something. When she realizes I am not going to bend, she stops almost instantly. Of course it takes her a while to chill out if she's really gotten herself worked up, but it's not the same. Right after she calms down, she'll go about playing like nothing happened. I don't think I would ever catch my daughter throwing a fit in her room, where she couldn't get attention out of somebody, or try to. The autistic children seem indifferent to whether or not anyone is paying attention.

My son, however, needs to recooperate from it afterward because it is so mentally and physically exhausting-he will just lay there and cry for an hour at times, then stare at the wall.

I loved the end of the first of the regular kids video when they ask the sister what she thinks about all of it and she just giggles, lol.

When I was a little child, I used to have NT tantrums. I don't know if Aspies are more like NTs when they're toddlers.

I mean, say if a NT child was screaming because it wanted a lolly, and when the adult gives it a lolly it will stop it's tantrum, but if an Autistic child was screaming because it wanted a lolly, the adult would give it a lolly and it'd probably just throw the lolly across the floor and carry on screaming, even though it was the lolly what the Autistic kid was crying over.
I was more like a NT kid when I threw tantrums. My mum told me that when I was 3 I had a massive tantrum in the street because I didn't want to sit in my pushchair, so she said that I can walk, and I stopped the tantrum immediately because I got what I wanted. That is what a little NT would do too.

Am I making sense here?

Yep. There's no reason why an autistic child shouldn't have normal tantrums as well as meltdowns. Thankfully, the response in each case can be quite similar--just leaving the child alone. In the case of a meltdown, it removes extra overwhelming input; in the case of a tantrum, it removes the parent the kid is angry with.