Talking Online and In Real Life

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It's a lot easier to talk online.

* No non-verbal communication.

* Time to think about what to say.

* I type more easily than I talk: the words flow easily, and I almost never lose words or forget how to talk.

Me too, exactly.

What pretty much everybody said above, that's me exactly! When I first joined a message board last year, I noticed that it was much easier to talk to people, to say what I want to say. The reasons were those that were mentioned above a couple of times, the absence of face-to-face confrontation and non-verbal communication.

Funny thing is, though, as time went on, I noticed that my autism still 'shines through', still manifests in my online interaction, it's just 'dampened' quite a bit. But there are cues I miss when I'm reading posts, there are points on which I can't relate to others. But I can honestly say that message boarding has added an interesting new perspective on social interaction to me. I find it a fascinating phenomenon.

I do ok either way. Or just as badly, take your pick. Depends, all too often, on the perspective of the external observer, and they are usually a wild and wooly bunch, so who knows?

The trick I've found to doing well in person is to simultaneously inculcate or possibly just allow "freeflow" of two main qualities;

1.) Monumental contempt for the absurdities of the world and the people in it. How on earth can anyone take such stuff seriously? So what if the guy at the checkout counter thinks I'm weird? I am. If I can deal with it, so can he.

2.) Bottomless well of compasion. It's just impossible to be angry with them. They hardly know what they're doing most of the time. It's a small miracle that anything ever gets accomplished by anyone ever. Cut them slack, make it real, and everything usually smooths right out.

I cannot tell anyone how to do this, however. It came to me in a moment of totally giving up. In a good way. All I can say is; Bon Voyage.

No one has mentioned eye contact yet. When I notice I don't make a lot of eye contact face-to-face I get nervous. Not as nervous when I stutter and can't get the right words out though.
Online I hardly make eye contact with my PC monitor. That's why I make a lot of spelling mistakes. But of course no one can tell I'm nervous. No one can read my body language. If I don't know what to say I'll say 'brb'.
I can also sit here and type in my pajamas, which is not something I'd to in a face-to-face chat.

i can never find the words to say what i am unable to think about in real time conversation.
most people think i am quite stupid because i can not do conversation very well in "real time".
later on i know what i want to say, but they are all gone by then.

definately easier.

also, I love the fact that emoticons are so easy to read, complately unlike real faces. you know that if someone makes this --> they are joking etc

IRL I can hardly ever tell what poeople want to communicate through their body language...

I'd say neither of them come totally naturally but I must go against the flow here. Talking in real life is really a lot easier.

What with just how disloyal people I talked to online were toward me, it must take a lot more to "make it" online.

That's considering someone who was in an extremely low local population base (population of 2,800 within 10 mile radius which ain't a lot of people) living with OCD and a facial disfigurement would not keep talking after a relatively long (for online) and apparently close friendship.

Another one was in an even lower local population base (I worked out a measly 1,800 within 10 miles) and living there as someone who was morbidly obese, bisexual and suffering from schizophrenia. Again the length/closeness of friendship wasn't enough to make ends meet.

As long as local life, despite how sparsely populated it was and how isolated people like them must be in such a low population, provided them with ANY positive contact - the minute it did so, they wouldn't be talking to online contacts any more.

I'm not saying talking in real life is always easy but should be encouraged over online communication. I'm convinced it's easier because over time I've developed a social network locally and online contact evidently expected something of me that was too much to ask.

Of course. I can take my time and I don't have to worry about stumbling over my words.

Online you can browse information of the "discussion" at your leisure: you don't have to ask people to speak up or repeat themselves if you didn't understand them properly the first time.

Online discussions can be revisited at your own convenience. One thread be browsed and added to over several days. you can't do that as easily with real life discussion!

Real life discussion takes place over a shorter time frame and the information exchange is less reliable and more rapid. This makes real life discussion harder for me to keep up with and gain useful information from.

Real life discussions can be just socialising and mutual affection rather than talking about anything useful.

Online you can meet people for all over the world with the same niche interests/issues as you and debate/share your enthusiasm for a topic.

Online discussions are permanent records of the conversation until deleted. They document the ideas and social/intellectual history of an online community. How many conversations have you ever written down word for word?!

Online people from all over the world can discuss things in one virtual area without having to pay for airline tickets/book hotel conference rooms/find somewhere to meet up.

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System duplicated post.

Without the internet, I would be a total social recluse. I am so glad it exists.

It's so much more easier to talk online on forums, AIM, email than by voice.

i find it easier on line UNLESS i know the people very very well. If i know the people well, then i have learned how to understand them already to some degree and therefore there is an elemnt of predictablity that makes exchanges ok.

I don't regulate my talking very well. I have been told by other mothers at my son's school that i am terribly hot and cold. I will be overly firendly sometimes and other times look straight through them. This is indeed true. ANd this is how it is at 46 years of age.

at 20 i couldn't even talk to people or look at their faces. (now i look at their teeth and noses and also around teh room.) I put my head down and hid from the world.
It has improved with age.

The other thing is that face to face contact with others IS TOTALLY EXHAUSTING for me.
FOrums can also be exhausting but not nearly as much.

Important topics should ALWAYS be left for face-to-face chat.