alfonzo wrote:
I have one friend who drops by once week, sometimes he skips a week. And i visit my parents one time a week.
The rest of my time i mostly spend on my own, at home (i don't work) and that's fine by me.
People used to worry about me too, about living my life in solitude. At times they tried to really drag me along to parties and bars etc, which was very tiring, cause they were asking me every night and i always had to say no. I shared a house with a friend back then, which was indeed very hard to cope with cause i had the feeling i was never alone. There were always visitors and people who slept over and things like that.
I moved to another city because of this.
But i tried to explain to most of my friends and most of them understand.
When I lived with my parents and my sister, I had to deal with alot of what I call "forced socialization." I think people should socialize the way they want to as much, or as little, as they want to. My parents and my sister didn't agree with this, thinking I needed to get out more.
During my first 2 years of college, my sister still lived with us, I was often forced to go places with her. Just about every Saturday night when there was a home football game, I got dragged to them by her and of course, I didn't have fun at all. I also got dragged 2 years in a row to the Spring Fling concert they had on campus every year, and didn't enjoy it much either. I was always bored at these events and didn't have fun and when I tried to communicate this to my parents, they said I had to learn to like these things and if I kept doing them I would, plus my sister didn't like it when I didn't want to go with her and not wanting to go with her wasn't being "supportive" of her(she wanted to go to medical school).
She did finally move out of the house to go away to medical school, which was my dream come true. Our parents didn't force me to go to football games, concerts, etc., and just let me be. I got involved in the "geekier" kinds of activities I liked, like a computer club and a ham radio club, and really enjoyed myself.
She then came back home on an extended leave from school and of course, it started up again. When I used the argument I did socialize in my activiteis, they came up with the arguments that I need to "balance" my social life with different kinds of activities in addition to the ones I did, plus again, needed to go places with my sister for "support." One time one of my sister's friends invited both of us to a party by asking her if I wanted to go and she accepted for me! That really digusted me to no end, but I didn't want a war with my parents and my sister over it so I just went and sat like a bump on a log, being around people I didn't know and didn't have anything in common with at all.
"Balance" and "Support" were my parents' favorite excuses for forcing my sister's activities down my throat. They claimed what I did wasn't good enough, so it had to be balanced with her kind of activities. Of course, they never forced other kinds of activities on her for this so called "balance," yet did on me. What never made sense was in order for me to have this so called "balance" I had to do what she did, when she did it, for the amount of time she did it, with her present of course.
I also never understood how my going everywhere with her was being supportive. One time my parents pressured me to go with her to buy a greeting card! I basically stood there in the aisle with a blank look on my face while she bought a card for a friend. I don't see how that is being supportive. I used to get dragged all over the place with her and it made me miserable.
Of course, once she left home, everything returned to normal and I was free to do my thing in peace. I was so glad when I finally got my own place, so I could decide my own activities without any of that foolishness. I could sit in front of my computer, TV, radio, etc., for as long as I wanted, without any fear of being dragged away in the name of balance, support, or any other such nonsense.
Today I'm married to an understanding spouse who likes many of the same things I do, and doesn't like to go out much, entertain much, etc., so our home is often peaceful. She also accepts the fact I like to have my alone time, and she needs her's, so it works out well. She's NT I'm sure, but she accepts me as I am, rough edges and all.
I'm very lucky.
_________________
PrisonerSix
"I am not a number, I am a free man!"
06 Oct 2008, 1:08 pm
