Being Happy with No Recognition

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I don't see that this is specific to Asperger's! After all, many people have a problem with constantly needing to be reassured that they are smart or good-looking or nice or just generally worth the air they breathe; and most of them are pretty non-weird, brain-wise.

Being secure in your abilities (and disabilities) is awfully important no matter who you are. If you are the only person who needs to approve of you, then you're in no danger, emotionally, from other peoples' prejudices.

Being the only person you know who is interested in what you love can be frustrating... I think, though, that it is almost certainly possible to find others. I knew an Aspie who is fascinated with HVAC (heating, ventilation, air-conditioning) systems, and was really depressed because nobody else was as interested as he was--and then within a couple of months of when I first met him, he found somebody who loved HVAC systems too. If that's not an obscure interest, I don't know what is... I don't feel nearly so lonely being fascinated with feral cat TNR or developmental neuroscience or statistics... and when it comes to my current recreational interest, "The Sims 2", there are whole communities of people to interact with. That obsession is even normal for NTs!

I think that you are projecting here... there was no implication about "constant reassurance and praise". Or even more than what a normal person is supposed to expect in terms of feedback. The question is not specific to Asperger's if you oversimplify and overgeneralize it, but that is true for any question.



But AS people can become disoriented and anxious if they don't get feedback and rewards. It's not as if it is easy to read when you are on track, just from the body language of others and implicit behavior. Especially if you have an intellectual job/special interest. Intellectual and professional jobs and special interests aren't as clear cut as to what is good and what is not good enough. It's not like a construction job where you know you are on track if you have to put up x amount of wallboard in 5 days, for example. If you are a new trial lawyer starting out, for example, it's really not possible to be competent if your expectation is that "you are the only person that needs to approve of you." So your truism is more viable for blue collar people than it is for white collar people.



I think that online communities are making it easier to share these special interests.

LOL. I bet your neighbors are nice to you, tho.

I have a book on puppy training that says almost the exact same thing.

See, the question can be generalized to not only to include NT's but all of mammalia, too!

I do not consider myself gifted, but I do think I am most at peace in my own head.

The neighbours fro home still refer to me as "that horrible little blonde boy" even though I never broke into their houses. (Don't rob your neighbours, they know where you lve)

I get praised a lot for the things I do at work... which is nice.

Often I think that I'm fine just in my own little world; I don't need feedback. But on occasion, I do need the feedback.

it varies. but most of the time i feel as if my talents and gifts go unnoticed - or perhaps not unnoticed - it would be more correct to say they are not fully understood. I do have a mentor of sorts and i have people who have fatih in me.

The thing that is difficult is that my career is so SCENEY...i actually find it repulsive like a bunch of sheep all over each other> those who are reall ya bit "out there" and outside the square- can get tarred wtih a brush that says "odd and weird." and yet, that is what art should be about.

And then, there are the mediocre careerists who hobnob constantly and make all the money and breeeeeeze through the social whirl of the art scene. that stuff makes me puke. and they usually have bugger all talent compared to the aspie artists i know. i know a few.

i just work at home quietly. everyone knows i am pretty reclusive and everyone knows i just follow my own thing - whcih includes shifitn gdirection or tac if i want to - a thing the art scene hates because they do not know how to "brand" you, as they say. (blah.)

On a bad day it can feel really bad - suicidal bad --- and on a good day i can really feel in touch with my gifts and feel appreciated for who and what i am.

Oh, an artist who shifts direction! Yes, people do not like that at all. I thought artists, once they broke though, had to become predictable in order to show and sell.

"Mediocre careerists who hobnob constantly" is a good way to describe those people who make up the gravity wells in a field.

Yes, it's feeling "in touch" or honed, that is really a source of secure creativity.

Thank you so much for sharing in your post.

This topic touches a raw nerve of perplexed frustration for me. I am well aware that I have very special gifts and abilities and graces and yet the fact that these are not recognized, valued or appreciated has left me bewildered for years.

My conclusion is that God, the Ultimate Giver, the Repository of All Gifts, is also ignored, unappreciated, unrecognized, even scorned. And since I fall into the category of those who don't rivet myself to God in every way at every moment, I too fall short. So an iota of what He must feel is coming back to me.

Ironically, it has been the communion and direct reassurance from God & Guru that have given me the confidence to be supremely happy within myself even though "those ppl out there" don't want to partake of my joy, gifts, accomplishments or interests. I am ecstatically blissful within myself most of the time, and God's affirmation of His accompanying me gives support and impetus to this joy.

I've finally grown beyond caring what anybody thinks. I no longer need feedback from other ppl because I trust God. I used to constantly accuse the Divine of being crazy and was always doing reality checks on what I knew and heard of Him. But now I know HE is the only true reality and He is my reality check. I am at total peace with this. Given up trying to even begin to comprehend other ppl and their motivations, desires, whatever makes them tick.

I know what you mean by that disorientation that feels emotionally destabilizing that naturally results from a glitch in the normal feedback loop. After years of total isolation and anguish I have come out the other side and am impervious to the enforced chamber of nothingness: instead indeed it has become my sanctuary, my refuge, my laboratory for infinite experimentation, discovery and creativity, and communion with the Heavenly Father.

I fell through the black hole and came out another dimension.

If validation from "outside" comes now, it is a surprise, but doesn't especially float my boat. Being right, being in tune with God, was what I wanted, and nothing the world can offer compares with finding out from God Himself exactly what He thinks.

I really enjoy reading new scientific findings that back up what I know. That feels good. Science is more precise and satisfying than fickle ppl, even though science is more and more needing to re-evaluate its conclusions and there's progress and evolution on many fronts.

Very happy doing what I know I'm supposed to do. Especially because I have a little dyspraxia and executive planning procrastination so when I'm in the zone and accomplishing I'm very happy. I love checking things off my lists!

Alienation has finally lost its sting, pain, depression, misery, and bafflement. The excruciating loneliness, which I had never felt until I was 44, is fading.

Everybody's journey will be unique. I think what cemented the turning point for me, who was so gloriously joyous most of my life, was coming to terms with the fact that ppl held nothing for me, and that any conception that they could was a myth, yet God holds everything, is Real, responds, and is loyal and true and can be counted on.

Haha!! ! I thought the 'gifts' were like birthday gifts or something!! How stupid am I?! When you said 'getting recognised for your gifts' I thought you meant recognized by whom you bought the present for! Like thanking you for the present. And I thought you were asking if you like to be thanked or if you like to do good deeds, like buying gifts, without recognition! I feel really dumb!