If you understand autism, you are autistic.

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Well said. This is what disturbs me about black and white thinking about neurological difference. Not only is there an autism spectrum, but there is a larger spectrum of neurodiversity that includes everyone. You can't say that NTs are all the same neurologically. Some have certain aspie traits, others don't. Some who have a sense of apartness for other reasons and may relate to us better than those who feel themselves in the center of the culture. Most of my friends have some Aspie traits along with their NT traits. It's much more complicated than us and them.

The bottom line for me is that I don't think one person can really understand another person's experience. We can understand aspects of it, but the only one who really understands me is me. I love being around WP because there is so much about me that can be visible and understood, but when all is said and done, we are individuals and have a private place inside that no one can see or understand, and rightly so. There would be no refuge without it.

Or Jehovah's Witnesses. yeah yeah. I just picked jews cuz it was the most obvious :p

I often think there should be an NA - 'Neuro-Atypical' - term in use. Those who I would describe as NA do not show AS traits and have no serious social difficulties, but can be described as slightly eccentric, have at least one unusual interest, usually show a higher than average tolerance to and understanding of others' differences, and often have a psychological issue of their own (depressive, OCD, etc). I've met many nice NA people online.

I do still agree with the original post to a degree, though, in that an NT who does not perceive anything strange about AS and autistic people probably has a number of autistic traits themselves.

Asymmetrical/Atypical topic

I like that term, NA. May I borrow it here and there?

I think if NTs (NAs) can identify with us then they may be using their mirror neurons for a good cause!!

Of course you may.

I know one thing, I relate to ya'll better than the NTs I work with, and I like them. I don't always like some of you.

so if i understand diabities, im diabetic? So if I understand mexicans, im mecixan, if I understand astrophyics, im a star? If I am a botanist, im a plant?

Those aren't neurological in nature.

trhey dont have to be...it shows one can undesrtand that which they are not./

On faking: it does depend on your values, yes. I value making money too so I would happily fake it in a work situation. However, I also value spending time with my friends on the spectrum whom I can relate to and my family on the spectrum that I can relate to, so I therefore refuse to fake wanting to visit strange NT people and then going to visit them.

I'm not sure I completely understand, but you're saying that if you understand Autism, you're Autistic, and if you don't, you're not?

I disagree.

I have an official diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, but I don't understand Autism at all.

You have to understand it if you are it. Whether you know it or not, you understand what it's like to be AS.


I'm trying to look at the bright side now about the living arrangements. Me and Jack and Finnegan will have a whole floor to ourselves if Jack's mother gets a 2-story house, and Finn will have his own bedroom and maybe even a playroom as well...

This is an example of the "excluding the middle" logic fallacy. Here's a secret you might not have been let in on; NT people don't completely understand each other either. Otherwise John Gray wouldn't have cashed in heavily with his [over simplified, arguable sexist] "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". I understand my autistic son to a pretty good degree, when something goes wrong for him I able to help most of the time (or at least know when to get out of the way and not make things worse). Not 100% accurate and I don't claim to know exactly what it's like to be him. But truth is I don't claim that level of knowledge of ANYONE. I have learned to a good extent, over a number of years, what the core assumptions and experiences he's working from. So I can predict fairly well what is going to help him. Key to accurate Theory of Mind, of understanding another person, is identifying as many of the axioms ingrained within that person's thinking that differ from yours and when you are predicting what they'll do or want you replace yours with theirs. Us NT (I know for some my ADHD puts me outside that but I consider that splitting hairs) do start with a disadvantage because we further to go in understanding someone with ASC, and likewise visa versa. We must dig deeper evaluating and cataloguing our own assumptions and identifying the appropriate replacements, and then choose/learn to act accordingly. Fortunately there are some people that have more inherent skill and mental flexibility in this area than others and some have developed theirs further.

Personally I enjoy exercising these skills, I'm fairly reflective that way, which makes developing and using them much easier. But I understand this isn't entirely typical, and I do expect some measure of help from the other side, and there are limits to where I can/will go. *shrug* If you aren't ready to reach across the bridge yourself to bridge the gap, to accept somee margin of error, you are going to put tremendous strain on the other side (whether they are NT or not, and this can include your father ... who might have learned to compensate for his own differences and doesn't understand he must compensate for you too ). As a result you are going to find few people where it'll work. Few are willing to exert that much effort daily for an extended period of time. The more you put into reaching out and make some modest accommodations the better the change you'll have of it working with someone.

The question, and it's a very personal one, is how far are you willing to go to get something you want? Getting the list out of your head, in your preferred form of communication, can help a lot. Because it tends to make it much easier to catalogue, prioritize, and communicate to others. Being explicit about your desires and needs is going to help a lot plus when things are only in your head they can get a bit distorted, and you'll miss parts of them. Keep in mind that it's perfectly fine for you to have little willingness to bend your full range (whatever range you are capable of developing) ... if you are willing to accept the consequences.

But your blanket assumptions about the location on the spectrum (or off it) of the people able to meet the standards, and using those standards to categorize people, has a very basic flaws because range in empathy differs vastly between individuals.


EDIT: BTW, though this may initially come off as trite to you, I must say that at your age these feelings of not being understood are entirely normal, if not TYPICAL.

This reminded me of something else I wanted to mention. Does anyone else here have even more difficulties with NT women than they do with NT men? Although I've had plenty of misunderstandings with men too, other women seem to be especially bad for muddled and vague communication; expecting me to read between the lines and to 'just know' something without being directly told. Because I'm female myself, there seems to be even more of an assumption that I'll understand this mysterious, silent language.

I can certainly understand NT men who complain that their wives and girlfriends seem to expect them to be mind-readers and that they never know exactly what it is that they actually want.

No, I really don't. Put me in a room with a group of Aspies and I'm just as clueless as I am around NTs because I don't understand them even though they're supposedly like me due to the AS.

Honestly, I'm not sure why I got my diagnosis, because now that I have it, I don't know what to do with it. I thought it would be helpful in college or work, but it's not because I don't understand my AS well enough to know what help or accommodations I need.

I don't understand half the people on this site most of the time, and this is an Autism site for people both on and off the Autistic spectrum. I'm just as much an alien here as I am on other sites.

I know the Symptoms of AS/Autism, but that's not the same as understanding. I still don't understand what a meltdown is, as one example, and how it differs from a tantrum, dispite reading many articles and listening to people explain their own meltdowns.



Yes. I was bullied in school mostly by girls. I was only ever picked on by boys when they were boyfriends with the girl(s) who started it, but other than that, I got on very well with boys when I was younger, to the point where the boys once ganged up on the girls to protect me when they tried to start a fight with me. To this day, I still have a problem with females disliking me, even much older women seem to dislike me, which is depressing, as I thought it was just my peers, which was easily brushed off as the whole "teenage bitchiness" thing. Yet, I get on fine with most guys, whether they're my age or older. It's odd. I've never been the "girly girl" type, so maybe that's why.

I think this may give a little more weight to the theory of autism/AS being an 'extreme male' brain. Nothing could be further away from an NT female brain, with its emphasis on socializing, awareness of subtle - almost invisible - cues, and exchanging information primarily for the purpose of 'sounding out' the person rather than for the information itself, than autism. You might say that an NT male brain is somewhere between the two, which may be why autistic/AS people are generally somewhat more accepted by NT men than by women.

I also don't recall having a great deal of trouble from boys in school. Occasionally an unpleasant one might shout something at me from a distance, but generally, they just left me alone. All the serious bullying I was subjected to was from girls.