Being cold and distant...

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As many people here say, it's much easier to be cool calm collected, to say it with a stones song. When it comes to social relations, it's better for me, cause I know I might not be able to keep up with the responsibility of having new friends. Besides it comes natural with me, cause most other people barely exist for me, they are like in a movie, and a movie watched from a too big distance. I must be in a hell of a good mood, if I actually try to pay attention to other people.
I seemed to have better social skills when I was young, before 20, I guess.

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well actually, I take the time to show my son all kinds of affection,
I am trying to help him with his empathy and ToM and other things
as he grows, I try to keep in mind what he learns now and as he grows
he will use and show and teach his own children someday.
I want him to learn to love and accept love from his own family and friends he may have someday
so they in turn will learn and do the same, I want him to learn to be open minded and caring of the world.
and not just shut everything and every one out and hide from it all, to think of whats best for those he cares about in his life.
and not just think of him self and his own worries and anxieties and desires, but to put his family and children first,
to care about how others think and feel, how his actions affect others in his life, empathy and the ability to nurture...
in the end, the richness of a persons life is not judged by the amount of wealth they amassed,
nut instead by how many friends and loved ones that will think of and miss him after he is gone.
and the greatest riches of all is that of teaching others good things that will live on through them and on to others.

I've been called this when I've been completely oblivious to it.

I've been called miserable and all sorts of things when I was trying to be friendly, reasonable and polite with people.

Cold and distant?

This seems odd and a little bit "wishy-washy" to me.
The family usually just calls this "practical, calm, methodical and sensible".
They have a point.

It doesn't mean we can't feel things, tasks and jobs to do usually take priority. We don't spread our feelings around. We mind our own businesses.

We keep our emotions close to our chests because we believe that that's the sensible and most productive thing to do.

Why is stoicism criticised these days?

I'll admit I can be at times.

I do try extra hard to talk and be warmer with family members. Others I don't have as much drive to engage. Mostly it's because I don't think it will get me anywhere so why make the effort?

I agree with you. Though not everybody thinks stoicism is a bad thing. My family appreciates what they call me 'laconic wit' as do my friends. I'm also considered to be one of the few truly honest and trustworthy people among my friends and acquaintances. People are sometimes wary around me but its not impossible to converse with me so long as I am engaged. As for being cold and distant, this happens to me sometimes, but not much anymore as I try and maintain a neutral, affable mood at all times, despite my brevity. I am also well respected by all my teachers.

Thank you. I learn something new every day.

I'll try and remember that phrase 'laconic wit': that's definitely the style of humour that my family use!

I've been told that I have a "dry" sense of humour and have been accused of "trying to be funny" when it wasn't intentional.

It's only my highly socialised acquaintances that say I'm cold. Perhaps they're not used to this style of humour. They seem to run on a completely different operating system to me and seem to have different ways of approaching a situation.

I would make someone happy by telling a joke and being satirical.
They'd make people happy more "sappily" with smiling and compassion.

I am compassionate, just in a more humourous, practical and direct way.

There's a lot to be said for being honest, reliable and dry.

Just let me point out that I don't have anything against someone who is stoic, actually I prefer people like that. I use the words cold and distant do denote an intentional emotional withdrawl and maybe you are percieved that way. By being more (emotionally) distant does one feel less overawed by social stimuli?

Thats something I wish to find out....

Last edited by i_wanna_blue on 15 Dec 2008, 2:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

For me it does. I find it very draining to be emotionally involved with someone. I tend to put 'too much' time and effort into the relationship and it is (so far in my experience) not reciprocated by the other person and I end up being, not only drained, but hurt. Much simpler to have casual aquaintances and not give anyone that much power to influence your life.

What she said.

I like activity friends, the way guys are with each other, fixing cars, etc. Not talking about each other.