NTs DO THINGS with conversation...

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Me too, it makes for a nice change because when you can't read half of the other stuff that is going on, it makes the actual conversation itself (which the NT person puts very little effort into as it is only a tool for doing things) seem really empty and boring.

Because the conversations here are about the content of the conversations, learning, and passing on information, they feel really fulfilling and intellectual in comparison.

I think this is why I preferred books to the conversation of other people for the vast majority of my life; I picked up so much more useful and meaningful and mind expanding information from books than from generalized conversation.

Ditto to every word, sunshower.

Back when I had friends, I remember that their conversation at a coffee-shop was empty to me to the point of driving me nuts, because I was looking for the info when in fact, their conversation was actually about:
not being alone
not feeling lonely
feeling connection
staying connected to society
having something good to drink/eat
showing to themselves (and telling others later) that they had friends and went places
keeping busy (having something to dress up for, somewhere to come back from)
seeing people around them
etc. (probably things I don't yet catch)

It doesn't matter what you talk about at a coffee-shop with an NT friend - that's the truth. It's not that NT's conversation is empty - it's very full, but full of stuff that Aspies don't care about as much.

I believe the big difference between NTs and Aspies is that Aspies are more inclined towards exploration, while NTs are more inclined towards connection.

Tortuga, I didn't mean "exchange" of info as in mutual enrichment, precisely for the reason you mention. I mean "passing of info from one to another" whether it's mutual or not.

ruveyn, what I don't know is whether Aspies are explorers because we keep trying to understand the NT world, or whether we're explorers from birth... And whether we're less inclined to being "connectors" because we've failed at it or from birth... But that's a topic for another thread, I guess.

Exactly, and if you ever want to get an unbiased and accurate analysis or observation from an employee or a friend an NT is the worst person to deliver.

I want to do neither.

I learned to do (sounds nice) through conversation though.

But exchanging information... that's an extremely interesting topic to talk about.

It never occurred to me when I was younger. This is part of the reason that made some people wonder if I could talk at all. I didn't ask for information. Or for clarification or such. It didn't occur me to do these things. I'd sometimes not even ask for my needs and wants to be fulfilled.

I didn't ask where when and how when I wanted to know something that I could find out myself. I'd even wait instead of ask directly, if that was how I could get that information from elsewhere.

Today, asking someone when I want to know something is always a concious effort. I'll have to remember that asking them is an option. Or the only option available at times.

It's interesting to hear about this from others on the spectrum.

How interesting Greentea!! I'm going to have to print your post and analyze it.
I think you are very right and I need to find someway to internalize this information so I can correct my viewpoint.

Thank you for posting this!! !

I've been trying to find out what kind of things NTs do with conversation. A couple hours ago the former tenant came pick up his mail, which I religiously keep for him, 7 months already. I'd asked him to bring me cigarettes because he passes by the kiosk, and had assured him I'd be paying him back. Yet, when he came out of the elevator, the first thing he said was "You know, there's no kiosk between my house and yours." This is seemingly an inaccurate, false, irrelevant statement. However, his intention was not to pass information to me. His intention was to DO something with that apparently smalltalk comment: establish boundaries, show me that the fact that I work hard at picking, keeping and delivering his mail doesn't mean he'll do me favors in return that easily. I, having learnt my lesson after 4 and a half decades at last, didn't correct him in the inaccuracy of his statement (there certainly IS a kiosk on the way from his house to mine). Nowadays I know it's not about passing info, so I answered: "Yes, I know there's no kiosk on your way, but I didn't feel like leaving my house to buy cigs." My answer is also irrelevant and not info, but an action: what I did was show him that if he wants his mail clerk to continue existing, he'll have to start returning the favor as much as I want him to. He promptly agreed and all was fine. If I'd corrected the seemingly "wrong info" he had passed to me, as I did all my life, he would've gotten angry at me - for not playing by the "normal" (actually NT) rules of conversation.

Reading your posts, Greentea, always makes me feel kind of panicked about not having any idea how much of this stuff I'm picking up on. I guess I half know it, that you're supposed to ask people how they're doing even if you're not really interested etc., but at the same time most of my conversation is all information & I've no idea how one would go about using conversation as a way of socially positioning oneself within the group.

... wow. This is going to blow my mind.

Greentea, I have a question - How do you know that your analyzation is correct? It seems like if I started trying to do that I'd end up being overanalytical and.. well.. a jerk! Haha.