Ticker wrote:
It's also a culture thing.
True. Non-verbal communication (just like verbal communication) is culturally specific (and learned during development).
Quote:
If they sense you are staring at them which some Aspies are guilty of, then they consider staring as psycho or rude. It creeps people out and they know something is "wrong" with you if they see you doing it.
Also true. When I first started making a concentrated effort to look people in the eyes no matter how it felt, I got worse reactions than ever. I was called aggressive, rude, hostile, cold, snobby, creepy and the ever ubiquitous weirdo at a much greater rate than previously (where sulky had been the primary description). Eye contact behaviors are much more than merely looking someone in the eyes. I learned from a text written by someone with AS. The best method (once you've gotten accustomed to forcing yourself to look in other peoples' eyes) is to quickly take stock of the 'eye contact' and 'hand gesture' style of the person you want to communicate with, and attempt to mimic it. If they look at your eyes a lot, look at theirs as much, if they gesture with their hands a lot, let your own fly free. If they are more constrained in style, try to be the same.
This is a very successful way of doing things if you can pull it off, although it can be exhausting and greatly reduces the concentration and attention available for other tasks (like actually hearing what the person you are 'conversing with' is saying for instance).
04 Jan 2009, 3:52 pm
