Would you feel insulted if someone said this to you?

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I think I've seen this same topic somewhere on WP before...

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Last edited by ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo on 06 Jan 2009, 10:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It is my opinion that you made a careless interpretation of what the Dean said. You made a mountain out of a molehill, and proceeded to drastically escalate the situation. Not exactly an uncommon thing to happen with people that have precarious neuro-chemical balance. So if the real question behind your poll is "Was I out of line, showing poor judgement?" I'm going to have to answer "I'd put cold, hard cash on it." *shrug*

Hope things turn around for you.

As someone else noted, normally emotional issues that make someone need a break will show up first in poor grades. Apparently this was the Dean's assumption. Poor grades don't always mean academic problems; grades tend to reflect emotional needs as well. If someone is doing well in school despite emotional problems, it tends to be assumed they can continue on with things as they are. In which case, the most appropriate response might have been, "I know I've held it together until now, but I don't think I can continue to do so unless I get a break."

I am sorry you felt offended, but hopefully you can see it in a different light and move on.

Of course, it would also have been better if the Dean could have kept her surprise in check until she had more information from you, but the Dean is human, too.

You seem to assume that the only reason a diseased student would want to take time off from college is if the disease is affecting his grades.

I disagree.

I'm actually glad you made that observation, because back in school I never received the help I needed with my social and communicational problems, because neither problem was affecting my grades. Well, guess what, my grades were not affected by those problems, but I ended up graduating from college being a total mess, and that's why I must ask, what's the point of only helping people mantain good grades, if their getting good grades does not guarantee that they won't end up so psychologically unbalanced by the time they graduate that they won't even be able to find employment? You see where I am getting at? Academic performance is not the only indicator of the severity of a person's problems or disease. While it's true that people with academic problems often need help, the opposite is not always true. It's a logical fallacy called denying the antecent and therefore your and the dean's conclusion is not logical.

Only reason? "It usually does" USUALLY. Not ALWAYS. Relax, geez. Get off your high horse and sit down for a little.

Mw,
You've got a point that some sensitivity training might be in order for our educators. However I can tell you with experience backing me that it's better that it was in my day and I imagine it will continue getting better as we become more able to advocate for ourselves. Personally, I'd chalk it up to a learning experience and maybe, when you're feeling better, write the dean a letter. Explain that depression was an issue even though it didn't show in your grades yet and that you were shocked and somewhat hurt that the dean didn't seem to understand you wouldn't make such a request lightly.

I am actually planning to write a letter to my dentist because I was so intimidated by her brusque manner that I avoided the dentist for a year and lost a tooth because of it. I don't blame her for it, it was my own mishandling of the situation, but I want her to know how her manner impacted me and why. I think she tries to be a good dentist and knowing that she has a subset of patients who might be a little more sensitive to tone of voice than others could help her in the future. What she does with the information after she has it is up to her.

Sir Beefy,

Since I suspect Mw is dealing with the depression that interfered with her schooling right now you might want to moderate your approach. Depression tends to lead to black and white thinking and extreme emotionality. Mw came here for a little support and understanding, I think. It's okay to disagree but it would be kinder and more considerate to try and phrase things a little more sensitively.

I ask this as someone who has struggled with depression for years and know how vulnerable it can make you.

As usual, Callista's observations are right on the mark.

Having been a depressed college student who took time off from school even with good grades, I think there was an easier response than getting upset (although I realize that depression does not always allow for the most clear-headed thinking in these situations).

When the dean said, "But your grades are so good!" you could have simply said, "I realize that, but they won't be for long if I don't get some time off to deal with my emotional issues." That would have been giving her some information that she may not have.

As it was, when I asked for time off (30 years ago), the dean just said, "I understand why you're feeling miserable. Have a good time on the west coast." But I think he was highly unusual as deans go.

thank you, though I feel somewhat insulted by your suggestion that I am a black and white thinker

Mw,
I am not saying that you are a black and white thinker. Please don't be insulted. However, I know from experience that depression leads one to black and white thinking. Either the Dean understands OR the Dean insulted me. That sort of thing. Actually, when dealing with my depression that is how I knew that the one antidepressant I took that worked was actually working for me. I was able to consider other possiblities in a situation that would normally have been either wonderful or dreadful. In fact, I remember without the medication (Welbutrin was considered a "stop smoking" drug at the time and I kept getting grief when I tried to refill it - and I've never been a smoker. lol) anyway, I was on an involuntary break from it and I got home from Church to find that my son was late getting home and I was locked out. (I don't even remember why we only had one key.) As I sat on the porch steps thinking that I should just kill myself because life was so horrible and would never get better, etc, it dawned on me that I was overreacting just a little. Depression is insidious and it can constrain our thoughts into narrow avenues without us even realizing it. I hope that clarifies things a little. I wouldn't presume to try and label your thinking for you, I was making an observation about depression with that comment.

I think you've missed something there.

The Dean assumes that you want time off to deal with your depression because you're concerned about its educational impact.
Your grades show that any such impact is not disastrous.

But you've taken it entirely the wrong way - as an insult.

Understandable for any Aspie - as they have to take a lot of insults, but I think you've simply misunderstood the principal's thinking.

No I would not be offended if that happened to me, but according to the polls most aspies wouldn't.

But the school's not there to deal with your psychological issues - it's there to educate you and get you qualified.

You're putting the responsibility for your total welfare where it's not appropriate.

Go back to the principal and tell him that you misunderstood where he was coming from and apologize for reacting inappropriately.

Seek psychological assistance from the appropriate agencies.

BTW, MW99 - it sounds to me, like you have a lot of anger issues (prolly borne of misunderstanding) to deal with.
Anger is a familiar emotion for most Aspies.

This incident happened over 5 years ago.

If it takes you too long to get a degree, future employment may ask why in their minds discarding your resume before asking you. I don't think it would even sound right in a job interview..."Yeah, I took a year off school to deal with my depression."

There is something to that post about how people assume you need help for something if your grades are lousy as opposed to good grades. While it isn't the schools responsibility to deal with depression, they always seem to step in when people are getting low grades.

But, you want to see a professional about depression if it's interfering with your life that much. I know some people take anti-depressants and it helps them, but before taking any, I'd research the drug more than what the pharmacy gives you. Some of those pills make you worse off during taking them, and even worse off when you want to stop taking them. They are kinda designed to be taken for the rest of your life once you start them. Like my sister was taking Zoloft, and I'll admit, I liked being around her more when she was on it, but then she got pregnant and couldn't take them, and wow, she was a serious...troll would be the safe word. She's worked around most of her problems without medication now, but getting off that pill was so bad that she didn't want to get back on it after having the baby.