Is it hard for you to to say 'no' when you're asked a favor?

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FrogGirl
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11 Jan 2009, 2:55 am

Yep. same here.



ignisfatuus
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11 Jan 2009, 5:47 pm

I very much have this problem. It's nothing to do with being spineless either, as some mouth breathers like to insinuate. When I want to say "no", it's like this physical barrier to doing so, it's strange. This ends up in me resenting the company of the individual who I did not want to be doing whatever activity I was asked to do with and avoiding them later.

Interestingly, I had one psychologist tell me that passive people deserve what happens to them. I'm not sure if he was trying to get a rise out of me or not, but it didn't work if that was his intention.


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glider18
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11 Jan 2009, 6:45 pm

I have found it difficult to say "no" to people even when it was something I really did not want to do. I can say that recently I have begun saying "no" to certain things. It is still awkward to say it, but I am refusing certain things people ask of me. I try to be reasonable on these things though.



nettiespaghetti
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11 Jan 2009, 6:55 pm

Qi wrote:
It seems like a social skill I've failed to develop. When I'm asked to do something I don't want to, I get really stuck, and start overheating, and go red in the face. I could stay like that for several minutes, not saying a word. It's so embarressing.


I used to have a very tough time with it, and would end up doing things that I didn't want to. But I realized that I would have to say no or I'd be taken advantage of so finally I had to force myself, as painful as it was. And yeah I felt really bad about it but if you don't say no I can guarantee people will take advantage of you.


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blossoms
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11 Jan 2009, 7:02 pm

Quote:
The problem is that I am not weak, just socially inept and dealing with some small neurological issues. If I had adequate time to focus myself when such a situation occurs, I would be able to process what I heard, develop a response and say what I actually feel. But this takes more time than it does other people. Apparently NT's can do this automatically.


That's my exact problem, I take time to process the most mundane thing. You are always stuck a gear behind and that is why I prefer emails and written format, as it gives me time to reflect and think and word my replies exactly how I want them. People may think it is a lack of assertiveness or being passive, to an extent it is, but it is more than that, it is about figuring how to respond to the other person in a way which is appropiate, without panicking a response and 'uming'. I am certain my mind is wired for other things in this life, social interactions is not one of them.



ForsakenEagle
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11 Jan 2009, 8:24 pm

Yes I have trouble saying no sometimes.



Fnord
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11 Jan 2009, 8:47 pm

Qi wrote:
Is it hard for you to to say 'no' when you're asked a favor?

Not at all!

Especially after I ask something like, "Will you provide any monetary compensation for my efforts?"

:wink:



Asterisp
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12 Jan 2009, 1:11 am

Fnord wrote:
Especially after I ask something like, "Will you provide any monetary compensation for my efforts?"
:wink:

Oh, I did that one time with somebody asking to fix her computer. She never talked to me again...
(I was so lucky)



Tantybi
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12 Jan 2009, 4:37 pm

I hate saying no to people. I do it when I am protecting myself or people I love. A lot of it depends on what is being asked of you.

If someone asks you to help them with babysitting, a little gas money, borrow your cell phone...that's nothing. I usually do that as long as I have what they need to give. I don't do loans. Just gifts.

This is from a chick perspective... If someone is begging and pleading for you to have sex with them like a used car salesman trying to sell a car (99% of the men out there on a date persay), then you are giving up a lot more, and therefore, should never feel compelled to say yes no matter how hard (no pun intended) the guy will make you feel compelled to do it.

Other examples of where you are protecting yourself is saying no to illegal and legal drug use, no to drinking when you got young ones under your care, no to loaning out the money for which you plan to pay an important bill with, etc. Basically, the no-brainers.

I also find it easier to say no when people abuse my kindness, like that neighbor that comes by 6-10 times a day asking to borrow the phone, the computer, the internet, some cash, watch their kid for minute, cook their kid supper, give their kid a bath, drive them somewhere, let them borrow your car, and seem incapable of solving any single problem they have without your help. No matter how bad I may feel for their kid, if I'm taking care of their kid like that, then I should get to keep the kid.



BreakTheSilence
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12 Jan 2009, 4:59 pm

I doubt this really has anything to do with autism, if you don't have trouble saying no you don't make a very good friend at all :lol:



Fnord
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12 Jan 2009, 6:19 pm

Asterisp wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Especially after I ask something like, "Will you provide any monetary compensation for my efforts?"
:wink:

Oh, I did that one time with somebody asking to fix her computer. She never talked to me again... (I was so lucky)

Good for you!

While it's nice to know that others value you for your talents, being taken for granted is nothing to base a relationship upon.



gina-ghettoprincess
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12 Jan 2009, 6:37 pm

Sometimes people ask for something really unreasonable, like to look through my phone or read my diary, and I'm like, "Hell no, it's my stuff," and they keep nagging or act like I'm being weird about it.


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