Anyone get scoffs when talking about AS?

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I do slip in the AS only when the conversation calls for it. I talk about it like any other subject I'm interested in. I've gone for months without talking about it, but some conversations lead me to it naturally. I don't like avoiding subjects of conversation and I wish everyone could be objective, open and honest about things. A diagnosis will at least quell a bit of the "BS" objections, I'm not expecting people to suddenly understand what it is or anything.

People don't really tend to believe someone has a disorder if they can't readily see it. There also is waaaay too much pseudoscience out there so I don't blame people for being skeptical. And not everyone's as interested in it as I am so I don't blame them for not caring to hear all the details and make an informed decision. It's a conundrum.

I also hate hearing the 'that happens to everyone sometimes' thing. Having very real attributes and struggles dismissed in this way is one of the worst aspects of undiagnosed AS; the same people who will tell you that you are remarkable (although not in a good way) because of X, Y or Z, will then claim that everyone Xs, Ys and Zs and therefore there is nothing different about you except that you are "....." (insert nasty trait that explains problems as a willful choice here). Later they will again return to criticizing you for being exceptionally X, Y and Z, while demanding you explain why you X, Y and Z so much more and to such a greater extent than is normal.

How is it that the same people who will harp at you that you are abnormal in the manner, frequency or extent to which you are or do something, will at other times insist that 'everyone does that'? Sure, everyone might do that, but obviously differently in some respect, or people would not keep harping at me regarding how exceptional and unacceptable it is.

I expect it would. I cringed just reading it.

Neurotypicals are good a BLOWING OFF what they don't want to think about, no matter HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO YOU. They often say TOTALLY INSENSITIVE AND IGNORANT comments, which proves, often enough, that they are programmed to underestimate legitimate concerns, and this is because most social interaction is a form of 'surface activity'. They use cliches, they don't give what is said nearly enough THOUGHT.

Example: Years ago when I tried to discuss with people my concerns about my little toddler.....they blew me off by saying 'all kids develop differently' and things along that line.....they didn't care AT ALL......the doctor did the same thing....it turns out I had to diagnose her myself......she had Rett Syndrome.

Last edited by Sola on 19 Jan 2009, 5:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Not so sure I'm a fan of this "us and them" mentality ("neurotypicals" VS Us). But I know what you mean.

Nope.

It's kinda made extended family members more cautious around me in regards to interacting with me, and they're more confused than I oftentimes am in how to interact with me, ironically.

I wouldn't be able to strike up a conversation with genuine peers, whether at school or whatever (I don't think I really have peers, but that's beside the point), so it's moot there.

Scoffed at? Constantly. That is the nearly universal response of NT's.

I have a dx from a very well-known doctor, but I have learned to tell virtually nobody.

Not to NT-bash too much, but as far as I can tell the reasons they (nearly always) scoff at this information are :

NT's cling to mythology and can't seem to self-educate. To them, Autism means Rainman. It's just not in their nature to reject media caricatures and go researching the deeper truth.

NT's lie a lot, and are quick to believe others are lying. So when presented with an incongruous piece of information (you don't seem like Rainman), they fal lback to a familiar assumption - you are lying to them for personal gain. You just want the medication, or want to be excused from certain responsibilities, that sort of thing.

Finally, NT's tend to have extremely rigid social expectations of others. People who don't conform to those expectations are the target of contempt and hostility. They don't want to give you a "free pass" not to conform.

Am I a little bitter? Yea, I guess I'm a little bitter.

My 2 cents anyway ...

So basically having AS is kind of like being an atheist. Unfortunately for me in the last 3 years I've discovered I'm both. Guess I'm in for a rough ride.

I have an issue like that with some people. If someone says, "you're too polite to be autistic", I'll tell them, I'm professionally diagnosed as high-functioning, and if they argue that, then the conversation is over. Maybe it's just me but I think that anyone who argues with a diagnosis by a child development doctor has ego problems.

The people who know I'm autistic either know from someone explaining it to them, or they just can figure it out themselves as I tend to come across as a higher-functioning Rain Man.

But, he has Autism in the movie.

I don't hear the word "Asperger's" in the movie at all. All I hear in the movie is Autism, Autistic Savant, and "high-functioning" due to his ability to talk, which is accurate for the time (funnily enough, I had a clinical psychologist tell me that people with Autism can only communicate via typing, and if they aren't nonverbal, they have echolalia and can't communicate, even mechanically. I'm still wondering about this one).

The big thing is I want people to understand I'm not intentionally a dick, or that I don't want them as friends. They get a lot of mixed signals from me and it would be nice if they just knew I don't mean to offend them the way I do and I'm not lazy or elitist, I just have some crossed wires in my brain and we all act the way our brain is inclined to. I just wish people could say "don't mind him, he's autistic" instead of, "what a selfish prick".

And besides, every day I find out more and more that nearly every aspect of my personality is directly related to Asperger's. I don't mind accepting a label. No one's ever been able to categorize me as anything... it's almost a relief. If I could just say I have Asperger's and they would know what to expect while hanging around me I wouldn't feel so alien around them, or to them. Am I wrong?

(I realize that's an "in a perfect world" statement)

I HATE people who have the stupidity/arrogance to think they somehow know you better than you do. Makes me want to smack them silly.

I accept my AS and use it to my advantage. I don't have time for explaining it to people, because I'm constantly busy with life. People are more likely to accept me even with my quirks, than if I were to ask them for special consideration.

That's me, and I'm an adult. If I could go 30 years back in time and explain to my mom that I have a neurology that's inherently different from everyone else, I surely would. I support home-schooling and other alternative education for aspie children. But having already spent several years working at fitting in with people in the adult world, it makes more sense to utilize the social-coping skills I've learned and just make good personal decisions, than to ask NTs to start thinking like aspies.

I get scoffed at mostly by family members. I've told people outside of my family but only bring it up with two people: my ex and another friend that has social problems.
My mum scoffs at me if I complain about noise. Sometimes she just pretends like she doesn't hear me when I try to talk about AS. My sister and brother think I'm overreacting.
My ex tries to be understanding, but because he doesn't know much about it and does not have a good history on comforting he says very little. At least he does not scoff at me.

Marshall wrote: "I HATE people who have the stupidity/arrogance to think they somehow know you better than you do. Makes me want to smack them silly."

I hate that behavior, also. I call it judgementalism that is out of line, and definitely out of touch with reality. I think people do that as a way of CONTROLING HOW *T H E Y* want to think about you, as opposed to them being interested in actually KNOWING YOU. People are WAY too quick to assess people so that they can fit into their judgemental stereotype categories. When they tell me *about me* it bothers me but I don't have the guts to stand there and argue with them. The thing that bothers me most is the YARDSTICK they use to measure people....it often is $$$$$$ and power....... I admit that it eats at me, though.....when conversations go into that strange direction of 'telling me about me' either directly or with the worst thing of all........INUENDO. The way people connect the dots when they assess judgementally IN CONVERSATION is so out of touch with reality that it is a form of DELUSION.

I don't tell many people about my diagnosis but the times I had, they presumed I had been misdiagnosed after I had to educate them on what Aspergers really was.

I've a couple of ignorant people misconstrue ASD with mental retardation. I've had other people tell me how I seemed more social than someone who'd be on the autistic spectrum. I even heard one guy tell me that females don't have it.

I'm guessing about the majority of them never really studied or read up on what it is. I don't really care, in fact it's kind of a compliment to have someone tell me I don't come off aspie-ish. But it has created some walls in my life regarding relationships and friends. I even get people that misconstrue my friendships for other things. So even expressing myself the "normal" way is hard.

I have had people say that I function way too well to have an ASD. They only see me at my best. Many people don't know I don't drive a car or cook and that I do incredibly stupid things. I only functioned really well in two areas of my life, school and work. Because my jobs involved the written word, people wouldn't believe I had an ASD.

Also, the equating of autism with mental retardation turns me off, as it does others here. Rainman was an interesting film, but also misrepresents people with autism.