He's Fine the Way He Is

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Welcome to WP!

That sounds productive and sensible.
There are many different valid styles of learning.


This doesn't sound like the so called "help" I received for AS:
Negative reinforcement.

That consisted of me being told what I "hadn't achieved" and what "I couldn't do".
Everyone looked at the negative criteria of the AS diagnosis before talking to me, so had low expectations of what I could achieve. One teacher said that I'd "Never make it" academically so it was "pointless" my trying.

That's analogous to saying:
"Hey fatty you're a loser! You'll always be fat, it's pointless going to the gym."
To a person who's trying to lose weight.
It doesn't help anyone and is counterproductive.

My talents (such as drawing and descriptive writing) were overlooked because I "wasn't socialising properly". I was told that I was a failure basically because I liked working alone and having my own space. I was a hence deemed a "failure" at group-work.

This negative reinforcement became a self fulfilling prophesy because the teachers automatically thought I was going to fail. So, I kept on failing until my parents "snapped me out of it". I studied hard at home on my own. That teacher was shocked when I got good exam grades at the end of the year.


By contrast one of my old sports coach used something called:
Positive reinforcement.

He'd look at our strengths and praise us for using our strengths.
He'd cheer us on. He'd say: "Come on. Run faster. Hit the ball harder. You can do it!"
He never dwelt on anything we couldn't do, not even for a second.
He told us to keep trying. He advised us without criticising us.

My game improved dramatically as a result.

That's the power of self-fulfilling prophesy.

If you believe you can, you can.

I love the title of this thread!

Anyone with AS is fine just that way they are! I'm glad there was no diagnosis of AS when I was growing up. Everyone at my school said I would "grow out of it" what ever it was. Mostly, I was just a tomboy. I liked to take my sweaters and shoes and socks off when I was elementary age and got home from school. I felt confined during the school day but that was okay as long I got to put the "play clothes" on when the school day was over. There were times in middle school were I felt ostracized but I eventually found my way and made friends. Everyone has growing pains.

In high school, I secretly thought I was different even though the guidance counselors always said I was "just like anyone else". I think that's the right thing to say to someone with AS then or not. I didn't care as much for socializing as my friends and peers did. I wish I did a better job, but I put my resources into being a great student while some of my NT peers never even made it to college.

I had teachers who were positive and negative.. every kid will. In first grade we were threatened with being held back and not making it to 2nd if we didn't learn the names of all the dinosaurs from flashcards and had to get up in front of the whole class and recite the dinosaur names from the cards. This teacher was pretty mean. lol.

As noted above, IronMommy, getting a diagnosis does not mean you are obligated to follow any particular therapies. In the US, however, it does provide certain protection under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Having grown up before the diagnosis of AS existed, I can assure you that declining to "label" your child won't help. He will know that he is different; other children will know he's different; absent further information, he will tend to assume that this difference is a bad thing. Knowing about AS and autism, he can educate himself and others about why he's different - a very important point, believe you me.