For me, meltdowns are different than panic attacks. I don't feel panicky, that feeling is something different. The best way I can describe my "meltdowns," is that I let a bunch of things build up inside me, until I crack. Then I feel this either annoying, pestering little beast inside me or a full-fledged monster roaring up inside. I HAVE to get it out. I don't know HOW to though, that that makes me go insane. When I was younger, I made it stop by annoying my mother or, later, girlfriend so much, that they would finally crack, (getting my mom to yell at me or hit me) or, sadly, make my girlfriend cry in helplessness (because she would get so angry with me she would want to hurt me and would never, ever do it, even though I wanted her to, which is sick). Basically, I would do whatever I needed to to finally snap me out of it. I transfered, which always made me feel so horrible. After feeling bad about what I was doing to my girlfriend, I started to turn inward and to hurt myself, banging things, hitting myself, crying. Not necessarily "progress" but I do feel it was ultimately some improvement, because I can better control what I do to myself and am learning tactics of dealing with it. Like, if it is a mild one, I can usually just cry it out or go for a long drive by myself and take pictures of something pretty.
So to answer the main question, do I like it? No, I hate it. However, I like how I feel AFTER. When it is over, I have this huge release, this weight it lifted, the monster is gone. I am myself again, only even freer. I feel physically and mentally drained, but it is also sometimes some of my most contented moments. It is sad, but true. It is like I am this big trash can that gets filled with garbage over time, and only feels clean when I am emptied. Unfortunately my emptying process is rather nasty.
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All that glitters is not gold, but might be pawned off as gold.
Ask no questions; hear no lies?except the unsolicited ones.
Experience is the mother of wisdom. Who?s the daddy?