At what age do you think your social skills are stuck?

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i find your posts rather philosophical

I'm 27. My niece who is 1 is better than me in everything but speech in regards to social interaction. My nephew who is 4 is better than me in all aspects.

So, I actually stopped in regards to social development before the age of 1, which makes sense considering I do have early-infantile autism.

My intellect is intact (other than social and emotional intelligence), however, so I can get by via logic.

For me, my social skills started to diminish when I was 12. When anyone reaches that age, socializing and social norms become much more complex and demanding. It was something my brain couldn't adapt to. When I was younger, I didn't have nearly as a hard of a time.

My social skills have improved quite a bit since childhood, I practice them a lot though. I practice forming unawkward sentences daily, by whispering my thoughts out to myself well I'm alone. To see how long I can keep the sentence going without it sounding awkward or jumpy.

Basically when I was younger, I used to pretty much ignore everybody, literally. My social desire is really the only thing that I feel makes me look anti-social, simply because I lack the desire to communicate my ideas to others. Now when I was younger I was also very confident in myself to the point of talking openly to hundreds of people on stage all by myself (I remember standing up there telling a story just fine.) But as I got older I sort of began to feel embarrassment more often, which I never understood as a child. I'd stammer and studder well in front of the class, my voice would because very high and shaky, my sentences were fragmented. I developed a strong phobia of talking in front of groups of people, so much in that I have to refuse to read things in front of the class in school (thankfully it is well known and on my I.P., so I can pass on it and not get my grade taken away) Because I just know that standing in front of all those people will cause my hands to shake and the same dang voice problems will come back. I am not ready to try and test it out, and thats the terrible part, to even take a step forward I have to take that chance.

But, my environmental teacher made me much more comfortable with reading things out loud well sitting, and that I am quite comfortable with now, maybe it is because he made the class aware that I was shy about doing it, thus oddly giving me this awareness that everybody knew that it was hard for me, so I didn't need to sound perfect. He also pushed me to do it when I refused.

This sounds awfully familiar. I've met preschool-age (4-5 years old) children who outclass me socially. By the time children reach the age of 8, they have social skills that I am in awe of.




I can only remember back to preschool, but I was very isolated then. I'd accept the social approaches of others, but I'd never initiate anything. It never occurred to me that I should socialise; it just seemed pointless.

Worst part for me is that my parents don't realize how much of a social deficit I really have.

I was around many children last night (pre-teens covering about ages 2 - 12), watching them interact. Afterwards I asked someone to tell me how well I'd interacted with the people there in general (it was at an older relative's birthday party).

They told me I'd been much better than usual and were amazed I'd stayed there 4 hours (but then I told them it was due to my earplugs .) I wondered if I'd managed to blend in well after all, so asked them to list what I'd been like. They said:

* I was moving around a lot more, due to being absorbed with my camera
* My body language and facial expressions were very withdrawn, but I looked like I was making some effort to interact
* The person sitting beside me most of the evening had told them how amazed they were that I was able to have a conversation with them this time (we'd been discussing my drawing and her medical ailments)
* I kept spacing out, looking confused and staring at the lights
* I was constantly fiddling with things
* I froze when people tried to kiss me
* I didn't approach anyone and remained sitting to one side even when invited to join others

The following is what I observed about the children (except for one girl):

* They were constantly touching each another
* They were extremely expressive when interacting and showed no awkwardness
* They joined in and initiated group dances; no one danced alone
* They interacted with adults well
* They looked comfortable displaying affection

Social intuition, ease, and reciprocity is something that's clearly lacking in me that was displayed in all but one of the children, in spite of being near my best. However, judging by the change people had seen in me, I can develop some compensations.

*thinks about this* I would say that I was able to interact to exactly the same standard as peers up until the age of about 7. After that, problems started to gradually appear, and I moved further and further into the state I am now, where I either don't understand what other people mean/what I should be doing at all, or I can see logically, analyzing at the situation from the outside, what is correct and what isn't, but my brain can't seem to work fast enough to actually implement it when I'm participating.

I am not sure in my case. Mom said I was very talkative would go up to a stranger and carry on a conversation. And like boom I was having panic attacks in public. Pediatrician ( I would like to strangle them) blew it off and said to send em to preschool. I hid behind a book shelf the whole year. Teachers didn't tell mom. Why wasn't a red alert going off in someones head??! ! I am not cvery socially mature.

Yes, I feel the same way around my niece who is around this age. She is very social and speaks well even when she just chats away. She's even quick with everday lingo in which I am weak.

I have also noticed how observant she can be with people as well as empathetic. For instance, we go to a store and a woman is sitting alone. My niece will take notice to her and speak in a lamentable voice..."That girl looks sad. Should we go over to her and say hello to cheer her up?" The first thought that runs through my head is no and she's probably waiting for someone when in fact my niece maybe right or at least right in a way to just say hello. This is one aspect that makes me feel like a terrible person. She expresses much more empathy for people than me.

She is even talented at funny facial expressions and tone of voice when it comes to talking. I can easily read her not by words but by the tone and expression which I lack in. My neice is the same way in kind of a different way. My niece is also the same way. She is about 4 yet she can talk and mingle with most kids her age and older. She is also very aware of lingos or the vernacular way of speaking. This to me means she is ahead of me in that area. I didn't speak much until I was about 5 yet made up my own words when I couldn't think of a word for something. I was unable to grasp the language in which my peers talked.

Also, I've worked with kids around this age range and feel they are way ahead of me as far as social skills goes. As for subjects, I am very good at learning them as well as piecing them than those darn kids. I am usually more sociable around kids this age than people of my own. I think kids are less judgemental and don't notice what is socially acceptable or "normal" like adults do.



I'd say around 4 and up some notches in age.



It started in my teens. I made some friends but it was hard to keep up with them socially and I could not express my feelings in the same way they could. Whenever I was upset with someone, my emotion came out flat or hard to read. I would notice peers being supportive or responding to eachother in such a way that they could relate. But I noticed around this time, I didn't get the same treatment or the "Ah, I know what you mean..." kind of talk. I was also bullied or made fun of whenever I tried to be funny or talk in a somewhat casual way. I was most likely the dork or the goody goody two shoes. What was really frustrating is my interests in music and art. Most of them assumed I was brilliant in math or science yet uninterested in some of their interests. I think this hurt me the most because I found I couldn't express myself in a way that my peers could or share my interests with them. I guess it's easy to label people who are quiet or shy.

Most of my did move on socially including my last friend. She eventually made more friends and got out with them a lot. I remember feeling so akward and boring whenever I tried to hang out with them. Most of them were very extraverted and full of conversations and stories. I was sort off to myself unless someone would strike up a conversation with me. It got to the point where I they'd discuss with eachother what they did at the casino that I didn't know about since I wasn't invited or asked to go. I guess they assumed I wouldn't want to go because I showed lack of interest and enthusiasm whenever we got together. Part of that was true, I'd get worn out and want some time alone with my own hobbies.

Now I have no friends.....

If anyone has ever seen that movie Muriel's Wedding when she tries to fit in with her friends, that was what my life was almost like. I could even identify with her taste of music. I never could keep up with what was popular among my peers. I was in fact, unaware of this aspect and how it affected me socially as well as other aspects. I only listen to music that appeals to me or hits me a certain way especially old songs. I never been good at keeping up with popular or mainstream music. I notice I seem to be attracted to vintage stuff like clothes, music, movies, etc. I never knew how this affected me socially. Most people my age make fun of or have no idea about most of the songs and artists I like. It's gotten to the point where I don't even share my interests unless asked.



In terms of social ability I'd say I lack in their ability to socialize. As for reciprocation, I'd say I'm ahead of them in some ways. However I can't identify very well when it comes to a person who is need of help like many of them do. They seem to be enthusiastic in wanting to help or get a compliment for a job well done where with me, I don't seem to care. I'm even bad when it comes to showing how greatful I am for a job well done. As for hobbies and playing, I seem to get just as enthusiastic as they do whenever given the chance......


Oh and I apologize if this is too long. I get wordy without knowing it.

Same here.
It just never occurred to me because no one explicitly said that I had to socialise.

It's almost embarrassing.
It's unfair that females are expected to socialise automatically. I often have to be verbally shunted through conversations by others and metaphorically "led by the hand".

I could talk to you about the finer points of Kreb's Cycle if you asked me to, but I couldn't initiate a conversation like some five year olds in the street seem to be able to.

Because I've now become so good at textbook work, lots of people didn't assume that there was a "problem" any more and that I'd "grown out of" being "a naughty child".

If the developmental stages are true, then by definition nearly all of my family must have social reciprocation skills stuck below the age of 5!

This is crazy of course. They're intelligent nice people, but many of them just don't fit the expected mould.

This developmental stages ideas seems to completely contradict the idea of biological variation. Some people behave differently from the average because they're just natural variations. They're just different and they can't help being different. There's nothing wrong with them at all!

As someone who's probably violated every preconceived notion of development in child psychology ever written and still managed to succeed in many areas of my life, I'll have to say that I find some of these supposed development theories are baffling/restrictive.

Autism is just one of those variations, but I still can't help but be 8...

I believe if you are capable of "adapting" to your condition, there should be no real "age stick."

Still, NTs can act like children or old farts depending on their mood. From what I've observed, NTs would act like children if society would tolerate it. Sometimes, I think they are more prone to acting like children than they admit to.

Dealing with AS, I find there are some "mature" things I'll never get. I do feel "love" and "compassion" but it is very rare. I have a desire for sexual gratification but no interest in a mutual affection-based relationship. I don't think that reflects being a "child" as much as being unable to relate to what a normal "adult" is supposed to feel in these areas. I can appreciate the give and take a relationship requires (intellectually), but I don't feel it emotionally.

After all, isn't age just a state of mind?

There is a lot more of me than my interests that are stuck at age 8. My obsessions are a bit different, they are stuck at being super knowledgable in them, but what apsie isn't like that?

to answer the question about social skills is too hard. i have almost no social skills.
(socials kills!)

a more accurate thing i can say about me is that my emotional development is said by my doctors to be locked at about 14 years old.
but i have not the richness of emotions as i see in the average 14 year old.

according to my doctors, i can see the consequences of my expression to about the degree that a 12-14 year old can.
people see me as very primitive in emotional richness and effect.

i am an adult and they expect so much more from me and they are astounded that i act like what they think is immature.

it is not realistic to compare my level of development to an NT 14 year old. i have nothing of the social notions they possess and i am not of their species, but doctors have to compare to measure.