Anyone else have this problem?

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Thanks for the advice. I've been telling myself not to give a crap, and I hope it's working, but the real test will be school next week. Though you can't really tell how I feel from the way I act, seeing as I wear whatever I want and almost never stop talking. lol

Yeah I seriously have that problem. I have a story, and I don't mean to get racial here, but here goes.

So I love to dance when I go out. I hate drinking and sitting. I love dancing, but I have to drink to get myself to do it on the dance floor with everyone there. I get so caught up on people watching me that I just lose all concept of rhythm. The only thing that makes me not care is alcohol. But lately, it's been getting worse to the point where a good buzz isn't always enough because this one time, I go to the club. I get a decent buzz. I'm on the dance floor with my sister and my sister-in-law. They can really dance. Anyway, I get into the music. I swear I was doing awesome. I was having a total blast. Then I look over to my right, and there are three black dudes standing there looking at me and laughing. I don't know if they were saying, "look at that silly white girl trying to dance," or if it was "go white girl get on with your bad self" type thing. Because I still don't know which way they went, I have to be completely drunk to go on the dance floor anymore.

Now I don't think it's a constant thing. Just in cases where I know people have talked about other people do I really worry about it. Like dance floors at the club. There's always a group of people watching people dance either thinking it or talking about it with each other about how lousy they dance, or how good they dance. I know people get to thinking about me when I'm talking in public like Walmart. I talk to myself to remind myself my list, like "should i get more formula?" I know people are thinking about me cause they stop and look at me for a second like why is she talking to herself?

What I do is just figure either they are watching me or not. If they are, then it's probably because I'm just so damn good looking. IN which case, watch what you do because it might just become cool because you did it.

I will say people that hate on other people do it because they themselves lack self esteem or they are jealous. So the more haters you get, the cooler you actually are. And don't worry about doing something stupid. Everybody does stupid things. If you have fun with it, everyone else around you will too. So when you fall down, turn it into a comedy moment like what would Chris Rock or Carlos Mencia do if they did this? In fact, I noticed that being made fun of is a cool thing.

People do it as a kindness thing sometimes more so than trying to be mean. If you take it well and laugh with them, then they place you up higher in their social hierachy than if you cry and run away, especially with dudes (chics are a little different). But you gotta distinguish mean ones from nice ones. Like two examples here...

My husband, the Puerto Rican, works now at a plant here in West Virginia. Many of the guys he works with thinks he's Mexican. They make Mexican jokes, and make jokes about him being Mexican all the time, even though he's not. He laughs with them on the occassion, sometimes comes up with some on his own. It's a friendly thing. Now, on the other hand, one day it was snowing about 3 inches, and he goes outside to check on how bad the snow was getting. Some guy standing out there looks at him and says, "I don't know where you are from, but here we call this snow." Then my husband looks at him and says, "I used to be in the military, and the last place I was stationed at, we'd call this a flurry." We were stationed in Wyoming. Either way, other dudes were out there watching this, and they just thought my husband was hillarious.

So if it's a friendly insult, then go with it and have fun. But if it's straight bullying type, then stand up to it, and have fun with that too.

Either way, things aren't always what they seem. I do think Aspies tend to take things personally more so than not. My rule of thumb is when in doubt, just assume the best until the other guy is so obvious about it. I one time was talking after the club, kinda drunk so I'm more Aspie like that way meaning I'm not sober enough to be fake. Anyway, a bunch of people and I were sitting at this table in a restaurant waiting for food. A couple people were friends, and the rest were strangers. Well this one chic was so interested in my weird things I had to say. She was highly amused by my aspie phrases. Another chic was being annoyed, probably because I was getting all the attention. She made comments, and I couldn't tell if they were rude or not. Not even by other people's faces were giving me any clues. So I just went with it being friendly and nice. Then finally she flat out said some rude things, and I reminded her that I wasn't too drunk to know they were talking about me. Then she said she wasn't saying anything she didn't want me to hear. So then I was like, "What is your problem, I've been nothing but nice to you." She finally said she was going to "stab me with her fork." Then I said, "you might try." As we stood up getting ready to take our business outside, her boyfriend finally sat her back down, and a perfect stranger girl told me "it's all good, she's just usually a b!tch like that." All these strangers had my back over their friend's because their friend was wrong. Now if I was a total jerk about it, they probably would be helping her when I was beating her down in teh parking lot, so then it would be me against the world type of fist fight. I actually avoided something stupid and dangerous by being nice about things, and I still had more face than the other girl did in the process. So it never hurts to give people the benefit of the doubt. Even if they are a jerk and didn't deserve it, you still win when you give them the benefit of the doubt.

Hell yes. It sucks.

I've had that problem when I was younger, but not as much anymore, although I will get that from time to time.

I've had that problem for my entire life, but I feel like I'm beginning now to come out of it.

I tried not to give a crap about a lot of things for a long time. Didn't work. I hope you have better luck.

You can't really tell how I feel either, though. I'm pretty good at looking cheerful when I'm really not.

I hope so too, and its not that I'm not cheerful. I am. I'm always in a good mood, and I've never been depressed in my life, it's pretty much just a nagging nuisance.

I sometimes get that problem but mainly in public areas.

Damn, now I'm envious of you.

I don't think people are watching me, but they do judge me, based off of what they see. But what they think they see happens isn't the same as whats actually happening on the inside or what I want to happen. Like for instance I somewhat recently moved to an unfimiliar area, someone asks me where I live, and I can't quite explain it right away, or I stutter and say I don't know (ofcourse I don't mean it like that) so they ask me or think I just got out of amnesia or something and that I just got hit by a car and I don't know where I am.

I have it too, it's called 'social anxiety disorder'. Sometimes I wait til dark to check my mail, or take the garbage out. Mowing the grass is a chore too, and sometimes it'll take a week before I feel confident enough to do it. It's not so bad anymore though, and I have meds to thank for that. Be prepared for side-effects if you are thinking about meds, but the trade-off might be worth it if the anxiety is bad enough.

Yes that's why I prefer to be alone, away from people.

I judge myself based on the opinions (or percieved opinions) of others. I am much harsher on myself than anyone else could possibly be. I still hate myself for mistakes made years ago. I should be better than that.

I'm a little too arrogant to judge myself on what others think. It's strange though, as cocky as I am that I have this problem.



I like being around people though, also strange.



I used to never want to cut the grass, and my dad always just thought I was lazy...