Dealing with a parent who doesnt understand aspergers

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Your dad doesn't seem like a very loving parent if he feels that there is something wrong with his own child being aspie (or gay for that matter, noting the fact that he keeps questioning you about it).

Maybe his problem is trying to accept that you, the child of his that he has known for the last 26 years, might be different than everyone else. If this is the case, then what he needs is time to accept this fact and to learn how to become a better father to you. I would expect things to be better for you after your diagnosis.

Parents need to accept that they simply have sucky DNA.

My father has always been like yours. He has (finally) accepted the AS, but not the Tourettes, but he still seems hellbent on this idea that I will become 'cured' from it and be 'normal' one day. When I was diagnosed with dystonia (a condition which makes my leg twist inwards) and had to use a walking cane/crutches he always yelled at me. Told me I was embarrassing to be with. I use a white cane to help with my awful coordination (and night blindness) and now my Dad's getting all funny about that. I can't flaming win...

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I have HFA, ADHD, OCD & Tourette syndrome. I love animals, especially my bunnies and hamster. I skate in a roller derby team (but I'll try not to bite )

all of you really do make dealing with this crap alot easier. thanks for the support and advice.
I neverm imagined Id find people so much like me. I always used to jokingly call myself an alien and now I know why I felt that way.

My father is like that too. He said someone told em I had this and I used ti as a excuse to act ret*d. Needless to say we don't have the best relationship. Hes in my life but. I feel he would rather go to the fire hall and hang out then spend time with me.

I'm sorry you all are going though this.

I hope each and every one of your lives gets better soon!
I said a short prayer for you all.
Good luck!

Randomkid I understand where you are coming from. I mean I'm 40 and yet afraid to tell my dad I have AS. For one thing I'm darn sure he has it as well as my mom. Dad has weird sensory issues and he is very stubborn. While he's a good man he's never had any male friends other than the next door neighbor as long as I can remember. But AS is a dirty word now that he has remarried and his wife's grandson has a AS diagnosis along with 7 other mental health dx. The boy can't help it but he acts worse than an animal so Dad equates Aspergers to this kid and he hates the kid cuz he is a brat. Plus even going to a psychologist is considered a bad thing by my family best kept as a dirty family secret.

Your dad sounds very like mine, too, JeffJ - mine does, however, know of the autistic spectrum (and once said he thought he might be on it somewhere!), but I'm certain if I were to get, or just mention the possibility of trying to get, a diagnosis of AS, he'd refuse to accept and understand it. He already hates the fact I'm 'not normal' and 'weird', but at least right now he seems to be sure if he constantly criticises, nags and, sometimes, blatantly tells me off for these things then they'll disappear - anything that would, even to an extent, say that I'll never be entirely like others would be terrible for him. And he'd probably secretly blame himself for it, both thinking he's been a bad parent and caused it that way (which he might already think with my other problems), and that, because he probably has it, he's passed it on to me.
Honestly, it took him months to accept - or at least stop making 'so when are you getting a job?' or 'get off your lazy backside and get a job!' comments - my current social anxiety (as well as the general worry/terror of having to do all sorts of new things myself, and other reasons) would make it far too stressful for me to just go out and get a job right away.

Ah, well, I'll speak to my psychologist next Tuesday about things - both about the possibility of a diagnosis and about how to try and get my father to accept/understand it - and see what she has to say. If I think anything useful is mentioned, I'll try to remember to post it. Good luck to everyone else going through this!

Sounds like my dad, the perfectionist consummate a**hole who was never satisfied with anything I did. I know I got my AS from him but of course he'd never admit that there was anything wrong with him. Nowadays I live 3000 miles away from him on opposite sides of the country, and I speak to him at most once per year, if at all... and it's a lot better that way, honestly. I know that you wish your dad were proud and supportive of you, but sometimes nothing you say is going to change his mind, sometimes things just don't work out the way you want. I guess you could always tell him that you wished he were more supportive, but probably you've already tried that and nothing good came out of it. So if anything, I would suggest breaking contact with him. You don't need that extra pressure and disappointment in your life, it'll help you on your path towards being an independent adult (albeit a difficult path but I have absolutely no regrets), and the time away will allow your dad time to realize how much he actually cares about you now that you're no longer around. He takes you for granted. It would be interesting to see what he does when you are no longer around... he could possibly find himself feeling more regretful about how he has treated you all this time.

Heh, interesting about your remark that your dad questioned your sexuality. For years my dad always grated on my nerves, making jokes about my supposed effeminacy. Two years ago, in a moment of e-mail anger, I told him I was bi and after that, all the dumb gay jokes stopped and there's never been any mention of it since then. I am convinced he is in the closet too; maybe he just doesn't know what to do, now that I'm a lot stronger than he must've thought I was.

I have an extreme problem on my end that is not dissimilar. My mum understands, but doesn't act upon it, my Stepdad couldn't care less. Or at least that's how it feels. They don't understand that when I use an angry tone, I probably don't mean it to be so, I generally use it by accident.

Yet my college tutors understand perfectly, point it out to me very nicely if i'm doing something socially wrong, and everything is okay life moves on, and it's beginning to peeve me off a little that my parents cannot do this. I think it is their personality. They keep saying i'm attention seeking and that sort of thing, the attention seeking being to do with the fact I am highly depressed. Fact of the matter is, I'm not going to lie to someone. I am. End of. They are sarcastic a lot about such things and I don't understand it.

In particular tonight I have been upset. An argument occuring when I put my plate away after dinner, which basically resulted in me saying "B******* to this, you don't understand" and walking away to prevent injury adding to insult. As I walked away, I heard up the stairs yelled at me "F*** You too," from my mum. This is particularly hurtful as she is supposed to understand.

I'm unsure as to exactly how to deal with this. Generally I go out and walk alone for a while which helps. Getting my own place would help but that is unfortunately not possible at 17. Swearing blanked as to the effect of trying not to break any rules. Any feedback is appreciated. This is my first post on my first forum, please be aware I may not use it entirely correctly.

Actually just your mom using the F word to you as an underage term is considered either abuse or neglect. Its not proper parenting to use vulgarity in front of kids. If you really want you could report them.