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Sora
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17 Mar 2009, 12:33 pm

Abangyarudo wrote:
A person who has a disability in their legs cannot walk or has very limited usage and no matter what they do they are impeded by their own physical restrictions. I have to work harder at certain things but nothing stops my progress.


AS is life-long too. Legs won't grow suddenly and neither will your ability to read body language naturally.

Missing limbs doesn't mean people won't make progress and learn to do with their other limbs or their mouth, elbows, shoulders and so on what others do with their limbs the same way as those with AS may be able to cope with not being able to read body language by using their intellect to analyse facial expression and body language.

Such lack of a skill such as seen in AS is a lack of skill, it won't suddenly appear no matter how much you train.

Abangyarudo wrote:
People who find it as a nuerological differrence seem to make great strides in understanding that they can change what they don't like. Those individuals have single handly changed the negative perception of Asperger's. They like me find the lumping together of people that cannot make strides in their deficit areas unwarranted at best harmful at worst. When I say they I'm only included those that I have met with that outlook.


I made the experience that those who say it's just a difference usually do nothing about their impairment while those who recognise their AS as an impairment, possibly as a disability actually try to find ways to cope.

Experiences can differer like that and I sincerely doubt that such sweeping generalisation based on personal experience will work for the huge community of autistic people.


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millie
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17 Mar 2009, 1:00 pm

i am a big, full, rotund, beautiful, transparent jellyfish.



monica25
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17 Mar 2009, 1:10 pm

I have a question.....When someone trys to manipulate another person it is becasue that person want to gain something from the person they are trying to manipulate becasue they know if they do not manipulate that person, they will not gain what they are trying to gain. It is a a form of using some for something. Are you guys referring to that? If you are I do not see how that is compensating for something....Can you explain to me what you are meaning????



Liresse
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17 Mar 2009, 3:17 pm

millie wrote:
i am a big, full, rotund, beautiful, transparent jellyfish.
Millie, I need to quote this or something.


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ephemerella
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17 Mar 2009, 3:29 pm

I have told people what they want to hear, knowing that they shouldn't take me seriously if they were really objective and didn't have some kind of screw loose. But that was only after being honest with them wasn't effective. And they were obviously waiting around for me to feed their delusion. And they needed to hear what I said so much I didn't have to be able to lie well, just have the formula come out of my mouth.

That's the closest I could come to being manipulative and lying.

But that is what all manipulation and lying is actually like. Very few people have the ability to just spin reality out of nothing -- the ones who can do that tend to be charismatics and actually con artists. In reality, most manipulators and liars are just people who can sense and exploit the flaws -- prejudices and delusions and vanities -- of others and take advantage of that. Actually, it was a sociopath and a con artist who taught me that.

The most effective lies and manipulations are those where the user tells the victim what he/she needs or wants to hear anyways. People are easily led down the paths their imaginations wish were real. The best liars and manipulators are those who (1) can see into the hearts of people to their hidden needs and flaws and who (2) are great actors.



17 Mar 2009, 5:27 pm

I knew an aspie who was manipulative. He bullied people to get his way. He his his mother and broke things to get her to do things he wanted.



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17 Mar 2009, 5:36 pm

ZEGH8578 wrote:
i have sometimes blatantly manipulated people, sometimes obviously, to test the rules and "physics" of manipulation. sometimes inspired by other attempts i have observed or heard about.

the "jedi mind trick" actually works sometimes :D

a good example is once i went into the restaurant that a dad of a friend of mine owned. my friend was working there, and in a unpolite and abrupt manner, i stroller right in and DEMANDED a full kebab-plate, and for free.

i got it.
to my surprise. :D

i like to test people, as long as i know they wont hit me.

That's unvarnished aggression, not manipulation, which is by definition subtle. Maybe he gave you the kebab plate because you were a friend of his son's; he probably thought your tone was awfully rude, though. Maybe you just scared the guy. That was an incredibly stupid thing to try.



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17 Mar 2009, 5:37 pm

Iblis wrote:
I am not one, but i have seen them...
It's often said that aspies arent manipulative and don't like manipulative people.
But aspies may also manipulate to overcompensate their disabillities. They are transparant as a jelly fish tho.

ANy experience with such people or yourself?


It depends on who makes the diagnosis? Besides, the term aspie is a fabrication; the real question is who's autistic, and why the establishment want to eugenically eliminate them?



ZEGH8578
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17 Mar 2009, 5:47 pm

NeantHumain wrote:
ZEGH8578 wrote:
i have sometimes blatantly manipulated people, sometimes obviously, to test the rules and "physics" of manipulation. sometimes inspired by other attempts i have observed or heard about.

the "jedi mind trick" actually works sometimes :D

a good example is once i went into the restaurant that a dad of a friend of mine owned. my friend was working there, and in a unpolite and abrupt manner, i stroller right in and DEMANDED a full kebab-plate, and for free.

i got it.
to my surprise. :D

i like to test people, as long as i know they wont hit me.

That's unvarnished aggression, not manipulation, which is by definition subtle. Maybe he gave you the kebab plate because you were a friend of his son's; he probably thought your tone was awfully rude, though. Maybe you just scared the guy. That was an incredibly stupid thing to try.


wow. your assuming i didnt know the guy.
hes an old friend of mine (his dad owns the place, but that doesnt grant me any special rights), but a kebab plate still costs a lot of money here. he could easily beat me up, and im probably the one hes the LEAST afraid of, and has proven it on several occations. it was pure "jedi mind trick". "make me a kebab plate for free!" "right away!"
"wow... "

next time you let your assumptions carry you away almost to the verge of insults.. dont ;)


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NeantHumain
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17 Mar 2009, 5:50 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
Just calling someone manipulative is being manipulative. The most successful people are the ones who excell at manipulating others. Bosses have to be skilled manipulators or they cannot get their employees to do anything. The philosophy and theory of positive reinforcement is manipulative. "If you do what I ask on the job and then some, and are really nice to me and tell me what I want to hear, lend an ear, help me out and dislike who I say to dislike, I will reward you with promotions and raises on a regular basis." Hmmm...sounds manipulative to me.
Employees who aren't the bosses pets have to be manipulative so they can get noticed when it's time for promotions and raises. That's when they have to chime in, if they are married and have a family to support, about how their kids will be going to college in a few years and need braces.
Teachers are manipulators because they have to get their students to study and take exams. Grades are a form of manipulation. If you don't study and memorize information, then apply it to a situation, sometimes adding to it, putting your own spin on it, you won't earn as high a grade. How manipulative is that? Adminstrators are manipulators because they tell the teachers "You have to prepare these students for the good of the school, so we can qualify for better funding, a more prestigious standing, get the best recruits for our football team so our university can sell more tickets and make more money" so they can cajole the teachers into doing what they want.
Cops are manipulators. The threat of a speeding ticket is a clever manipulation since none of us want to pay the hefty fine if we get stopped speeding. Our laws are, in fact, manipulations. They exist so we can function in a civilized society without crushing the rights of our fellow man.
To be at the top of the social heirarchy you HAVE to manipulate others and be effective.
Those of us at the bottom, how can you be honest and say we are manipulative? Even if we are, it doesn't work for us, so what does it matter?

You are confounding power and manipulation; the distinction is sociological and psychological. Some forms of power are broadly legitimate and serve to organize society or some other group and prevent overt physical conflict. Manipulation is narrowly self-serving and deceptive at the cost of harming others. The complex cascade of social influences that result in the student feeling pressured to earn better grades may be a form of greater society exerting its expectations on the pupil, but it is not fundamentally manipulative unless the individual perceives all outside influence on the will as hostile or society, or at least the government, as fundamentally corrupt (this paranoia is present in the imaginations of many conservatives and libertarians, it must be admitted).

Incentive theory (rewards and punishments) can be used as a means of interpersonal control, but how it is used determines whether it is manipulative (as that is the moral dimension).



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17 Mar 2009, 5:58 pm

gwynfryn wrote:
Iblis wrote:
I am not one, but i have seen them...
It's often said that aspies arent manipulative and don't like manipulative people.
But aspies may also manipulate to overcompensate their disabillities. They are transparant as a jelly fish tho.

ANy experience with such people or yourself?


It depends on who makes the diagnosis? Besides, the term aspie is a fabrication; the real question is who's autistic, and why the establishment want to eugenically eliminate them?


Hay NeantHumaine? How come you never refer to my posts?



NeantHumain
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17 Mar 2009, 6:11 pm

gwynfryn wrote:
gwynfryn wrote:
Iblis wrote:
I am not one, but i have seen them...
It's often said that aspies arent manipulative and don't like manipulative people.
But aspies may also manipulate to overcompensate their disabillities. They are transparant as a jelly fish tho.

ANy experience with such people or yourself?


It depends on who makes the diagnosis? Besides, the term aspie is a fabrication; the real question is who's autistic, and why the establishment want to eugenically eliminate them?


Hay NeantHumaine? How come you never refer to my posts?

I'm not on here much anymore for one thing, but the simpler reason is that I have nothing to say in reply to your message. It looks to be vearing off on a paranoid and inflammatory tangent; come to think of it, are you trying to manipulate a trollish response as a demonstration of aspies manipulating?



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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17 Mar 2009, 6:31 pm

I disagree. To me, a manipulation is a manipulation regardless of who it harms or benefits. I don't confuse it with power, although one can obtain a lot of power if one is really good at it. I also do not pretend that people are altruistic and not self serving, although, one can appear altruistic while being self serving if one is clever enough, I suppose. I've never encountered one person who isn't in it for themselves, somehow, or needs validation from other people. That's not saying they cannot benefit others, just they need to feel it benefits themselves somehow, too.



mechanima
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17 Mar 2009, 7:34 pm

NeantHumain wrote:
You are confounding power and manipulation; the distinction is sociological and psychological. Some forms of power are broadly legitimate and serve to organize society or some other group and prevent overt physical conflict. Manipulation is narrowly self-serving and deceptive at the cost of harming others. The complex cascade of social influences that result in the student feeling pressured to earn better grades may be a form of greater society exerting its expectations on the pupil, but it is not fundamentally manipulative unless the individual perceives all outside influence on the will as hostile or society, or at least the government, as fundamentally corrupt (this paranoia is present in the imaginations of many conservatives and libertarians, it must be admitted).

Incentive theory (rewards and punishments) can be used as a means of interpersonal control, but how it is used determines whether it is manipulative (as that is the moral dimension).


Manipulation is, theoretically, just another interpersonal tool that can be used for good as much as evil...

It is the overriding power of seduction...to which, forgive me, but I cannot help but observe, you are as vulnerable as anyone? Denial does nothing to defray that.

The question is, does one have the integrity to use that tool honourably, or not?



millie
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17 Mar 2009, 7:46 pm

Quote:
Liresse wrote:
millie wrote:
i am a big, full, rotund, beautiful, transparent jellyfish.
Millie, I need to quote this or something.



oh...i am simply chuffed liresse.
:)



ephemerella
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17 Mar 2009, 7:47 pm

monica25 wrote:
I have a question.....When someone trys to manipulate another person it is becasue that person want to gain something from the person they are trying to manipulate becasue they know if they do not manipulate that person, they will not gain what they are trying to gain. It is a a form of using some for something. Are you guys referring to that? If you are I do not see how that is compensating for something....Can you explain to me what you are meaning????


Manipulation generally means that the person uses lies or deceptions to get someone to do something for reasons other than what they think they are doing them for. For example, leading someone (your victim) do something for reasons that the victim thinks are true but are not true. Like making some girl believe that some guy she likes doesn't like her back, so she will go out with you on a date instead.

Manipulation usually involves some form of deception or delusion, often vanity. In some of the examples other people have put up here, where there was some rule and consequence (police giving speeding tickets), that isn't manipulation because the rules are clearly understood and the punishment is simply an incentive system.