How My Diagnosis Changed My Life

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I do think you have the right to reject a label that someone pins on you, too.

It should be as natural as breathing, being an aspie. If others make fun, laugh along and move forward. Wear it like a skin. Buy a t-shirt, support aspies for freedom. Pretty soon, others will get it, that you aren't budging. What you risk is attracting other quiet dx'd aspies or wanna be's.

If it wasn't the dx of asperger, it would be something else. I agree. It's not the diagnosis that changed your life for the worst, it's how you perceived it. I'd hone in on your strengths, and keep a positive outlook. You even say that the kids that teased you are still there, teasing post-dx. Surround yourself wit like-minded people and shoo the others away. Find your niche. There will always be some idiot to poke fun of someone. That's life! You are so much better than that pettiness. Believe in yourself. Being diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome is not easy. Only a select few great thinkers in the world, you're one of them, have this diagnosis. Many try, but fail. (think of it this way). : )

equinn

I think you miss my point. Being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome was the BEST thing that ever happened for me! I finally had some sense of my life, I had a reason to live and some support, even if I had to make that support for myself.
I am a grateful Aspie.

Merle

If it wasn't the dx of asperger, it would be something else. I agree. (quote)


I was agreeing with you and attempting to bulster up the original poster's negative perception. I didn't do it quite right, sorry.

merle you are none of those. infact your a great person, overcomming all the sh-t with your father. if anyone deserves an award in life its you. jesus i'd be a freaking mess right now, eating brains or killing people if i went through any of the stuff you did

yeah, well being basically clueless and naive does have its rewards, richardbenson.
I just love everyone and everything is my problem.

Merle

_______________________
"Why do you always have to bend down and talk to every cat you see? Geeze!"
quote from Merle's second husband

I would have preferred having been diagnosed a long time ago...

I agree, totally.

However, some experts and people in authority that I saw simply didn't get this!

They treated me worse with the label than without.
As soon as I had the label, people assumed that I was incapable and were afraid.

When I don't disclose, they assume that I'm a normal intelligent person and don't "dumb things down for me".

I'm sorry, but this is the truth.




So did most of my family.

They've strongly believed that I'm not AS for over 10 years because they didn't believe that there was anything wrong with me.



And how teachers, friends, therapists, family and doctors perceived it. People do judge labels. If they are presented with a list of negative "can't dos" they will judge in a negative way.

I'm sorry, but if the help I'd received had been well explained and there hadn't been all the stigma/fear perhaps I would have been all for it. There wasn't any productive help for me, only fear, misunderstanding and secrets kept.

People are honestly telling me not to label myself because of all the pain I went through in the past, most of it aggravated by well meaning people and inadequate resources. They don't want me to be stigmatised again. Lots of people made and are still making false assumptions about AS.

I am really glad that some people on here are receiving the help and support they need because this wasn't the case for me.

That's why about 99% of people in my life are anti-dx.
This might have something to do with my being female, I don't know.

They will accept me exactly as I am without the label.

They honestly believe that other people shouldn't interfere with my life by dxing me. They think that these days other people have too much time on their hands and therefore interfere with the lives of other people.

They've told me to forget about receiving support and just struggle on anyway because the in their eyes the people who dxed me were "wrong" and it "doesn't matter anyway".

People I'm close to think AS was a "load of non-sense" so for a while, I did too. I'm sorry, but I was given a lot of misinformation/not enough information, so I was confused about what was going on for years. Perhaps if I'd been given helpful/productive support that didn't turn others and my family against me, I would have been more cooperative.

They believe that only genius mathematician and little boys are AS. They didn't want me to ever be segregated as "special".
They just wanted me to get on with things like everyone else.
Actually, so did I.

Merle, I was biting my tongue not to write what you wrote, but that's what I think too. I go through the same kind of treatment from people, even without anyone knowing I have AS. Only people condemn me rather than overprotect me.

Greentea, I encourage you to read my thread on Ferdinand the Bull. One year ago, my AS undiagnosed and not realized in my own mnind, I met an extremely smart and social woman I was working with - and I kept saying to her "are you sure this is working, I feel like a bull in a china shop". She was a mother of 5 and very well educated. She eventually asked if I had ever heard of the story of Ferdinand the Bull.

I didn't realize AS was the name for my problems until 10 months after reading the story. But it associated with me clearly. http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt96662.html

Sorry about your experience.

I'd say it wasn't the diagnosis that was to blame, but what people chose to do with it.

Adults who want to be diagnosed with AS have to ask how it will help or hurt them. Often, it's not the diagnosis that is the problem, it's what happens when you share the information with someone else.

Kids, sadly, are cruel, but they could have teased you about stuff other than AS if they were going to be mean anyhow.

If a parent has a child evaluated for AS or any other condition, it is wise to be very careful who it is shared with. Not everyone needs to know about things like that.

Sadly, the OPs story is becoming more and more common.

I'm not saying that diagnosis in general is a bad thing, but timing is very important. Middle/High School is a BAD time to be diagnosed. Especially if your parents are the overbearing/controlling type.

1. They now have an excuse to restrict your freedoms, in a time when you're supposed to be having more.
2. The shock is fresh in their minds, and in that state they are prone to "SpED rabies".
3. This can cause them to shove you into special ed at the time when you're NOT supposed to be in it (as it's often considered the "point of no return" if you're still in special ed by high school).
4. In addition to screwing over your future academics by doing this, it also alienates you from your peers even more than you already are. So, at the age where people with AS are supposed to try to adapt to NT society, they are segregated (and further stunted).
5. In addition to being socially stunted, the labelling essentially builds an even bigger wall between you and the NT peers. At least beforehand, they talked to you without slowing down and using only monosyllabic words.

At least in elementary school, the parents have a few years to "get over it" and realize that their kid isn't intellectually challenged. And, the children have somewhat of an opportunity to understand it before they develop explicit prejudices.

If anything, getting diagnosed after high school is probably best. You still have time to fully realize the areas you need to work on, but you won't fall into the whole "remedial trap" that is associated with grade school. By that age, you have the reasoning skills to determine who to tell, and your parents (should) have the decency not to go around telling everyone. Also, by that age you've already partially adapted to the NT world (which is half the battle). If you are constantly seperated from the NT children, then your ability to adapt will be much more compromised than if you were forced to interact with NTs your entire life.

It's partly due to this sort of reaction that I've never sought a diagnosis (apart from employment and insurance issues), and am glad I was never diagnosed with anything as a child. Sure, you still get rejected for being 'abnormal', but it's even worse if you're officially certified.

My advice when getting Diagnosed as an adult, make sure you are moved out of your parents house and/or make sure you have parents who are not overprotective. Because that "institutional stuff" can still happen. If you read my post on this topic(scroll up to Psygirl6), I ended up in this disabled life and also developed a lot of low self-confidence and low self-esteem issues which made me feel like I was helpless and ended up regressing and losing even my best qualities for 10 years(which I am finally getting back after getting a second opinion and taking back my life). If you do live with your parents, make sure when you do go for a diagnosis, to either go by yourself or if your parents go, have a talk to them to make sure they will not put you in a situation that will take any freedom away. When you get one, schedule a separate session where you, the therapist and/or professional, and parents can talk about how it would affect you and also bring up any concerns and/or issues you may have. This is to prevent your parents from treating you like a baby and/or putting you in an "instituationalized" like life with no freedom. Plus the therapist can be the mediator between both of you, with would be a great thing. If I have a concern and want to tell my parents something, I say it in front of the therapist, because I know it if safe and since parents are less likely to "embarrass" themselves and usually do not show their 'true" colors in front of a stranger, it would be a lot easier. This helps me a lot.

Agrees.

Even NT adults and professionals treat other adult AS people as though they can't string two sentences together.

I've experienced this.

When people are unaware to the label they treat me like a responsible adult and use complex language.

When they are aware, they treat me like a small child and do not use complex language.

for me, I agree monosyllabic is stupid. I try to coach people on pacing.

1. Longer pauses between turns. More time to think
2. "racing" to talk.
3. "speeding up" as they get excited/emotional.

If anything, it is in stress conversations I can't get NT's to slow down The label doesn't help.

The one-sided conversation symptom of AS for many originates with trying to "control the floor" and not listen. So i'd rather not babble too much, and asking other speakers to slow down makes it easier for me to relax and listen.