In High School, I probably had a lot more friends than I realized. But at one point, I had a group of friends that I hung out with, and we were like 6 girls and a bunch of guys that hung out once in a while. But this was back when TuPac was alive, and they were a click, the G-funks (my favorite name given to us because it sounds so nerdy). Anyway, I will say the "urban culture" accepts more differences than any other, and that's probably why I found some sort of haven with it. However, those friends in high school weren't real friends. I had a car and my daddy's money which was something none of them had but enjoyed using. After I graduated, they thought it would be funny to tell me they were just pretending to be my friends the whole time to use me for my things and then took a pair of blue jeans they thought were mine and bleached them (but actually it was one of them's that they loaned to my sister's friend who loaned em to my sister who I borrowed it from, so funny huh?). Anyway, I also had a friend who I later decided was no real friend. But I also had a friend who I still consider one of my best friends, and I hung out with a group of "goody goodies" who were the best friends anyone could have, and they were the ones I first took for granted. I don't keep in touch with any of them anymore because I was stupid. I will say the one I do keep in touch with still is fairly NT, and she's perfect. She had perfect A's in school (HS and college), perfect credit, perfect house, perfectly behaved children, etc. I am now moving down the street from her intentionally because she is my only friend who has a husband and young children like myself. It's hard to hang out with people whose children are older and they have more babysitters and free time.
After high school, I eventually met one of my closest friends. She actually while she was in high school started to date my sister's boyfriend not knowing he had a girlfriend already. My sister confronted her, and it wasn't aggressive because this girl can fight and everyone knew it, and this girl decided it would be funny to hang out with my sister at lunch in front of this guy. It was funny in the end, but anyway, years later, she got a job at a place I was working. We were both taking a smoke break when I figured out who she was, and then from that moment on, we have been friends. She's probably my closest friend. She and I would both blindly lie for each other on the stand type of close. Friends like that are so hard to find that many people can live without ever having a friend like that. What's even weirder is that the day I found out I was pregnant with my first child was the day she lost her 2 year old. My daughter's middle name was named after her daughter, and she is my daughter's Godmother for which she takes that job more seriously than anyone I ever known. Too seriously sometimes as she can be over critical of the way I parent because it's so different than the way she parents, and I can't really stand up for myself because her intentions are so in the right place, and the subject is still too emotionally charged to really bring it up. The only big fights we ever had was over a misplaced comma, cats being better hunters than dogs, my driving skills when we gave a guy a ride who she knew had cocaine on him, and then the more recent I'm not hard enough on my kids, I don't discipline, my house is too messy, I never answer my phone when she calls, and my husband doesn't do enough around the house, etc. But she's not exactly an NT. She's bipolar. I seem to get along pretty well with Bipolar people.
Now my husband, I think he may be Aspie. If he isn't, he has a lot of Aspie like qualities. He's probably the first guy I ever dated to totally accept me for me and not try to turn me into something I'm not. That's the reason our marriage has worked so well as we both tend to accept each other for who we are. Now, I do get on him about spending, but I also get on myself about that. So, it's not like we totally accept all flaws. We both work with each other to improve our flaws for our children's sake. Before we had kids, yeah, we allowed ourselves to be irresponsible.
I also spend a lot of time with my sister and mother. MY mother is NT except she seems to be addicted to "desperation." My sister is not NT, but she has no diagnosis, but she tends to be incredibly emotional, over dramatic, and irrational. If there was any opposite personality to really drive an Aspie crazy, my sister has it. What's worse, her oldest son is Aspie. She's one of my friends that I love so much, but I just don't particularly like her a lot. They say blood is thicker than water, but water is much more refreshing.
I have a friend I see on her terms. We talk when she answers the phone (rarely) or she calls me (which is also rare). She's one of those friends that is awesome to hang with, and you'll have the most fun in your life hanging out with her, but she's pretty flaky and so those moments cannot be planned, nor can you expect to talk to or see her regularly.
Then I have my acquaintances, you know like people who you know but don't talk to much outside of facebook and myspace. Like, my best friend from grade school who lives a couple hours away. Some people I went to high school with that I barely knew then and I barely know now. Some I'm trying to get to know better. Either way, they are considered friends because they are exactly the type of friends my NT friends have. I don't know too many NT's with an actual best friend. My best friends know everything about me, and I know everythign about them. My mom for instance, has no one like that. Nor my sister. Outside of me of course. So I figure it's an Aspie thing to take friendship seriously almost like a marriage where there is trust, bonding, loyalty, honesty, and being there through hard times as well as the good. I think that's one of the biggest problems Aspies find because it's hard to find that in people generally. We can all find friends who share our interests and will accept us for being a little strange, but to find someone who will take friendship as seriously as us, well that's a tough one.
I'm sorry so long, but I wanted people on here to know that Aspies can find good friends. You can also make a lot of friends if you wanted to. You can get married. It's all about going out and experiencing life. You won't make too many friends if you spend the bulk of your time by yourself. You got to go out there and live at some point, and you got to keep an open mind about people. Some will use you and some will break your heart. But it's worth it to find people you can count on to be there for you when you need them. Just make sure you don't do what I did and that was take years to realize when someone was using me. The biggest clue, when they need something, if you are the first person they ask all the time, then you are probably being used. If you are one of the last people that they ask most of the time and they seem to be asking you only because they are desperate, and they are trying to make sure it is as less of a deal for you to do than need be (like if they need 20 bucks, they ask you for 15 as opposed to 50), then they are probably your friend.
22 Apr 2009, 12:08 pm
