NT friends not understanding

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my hubby and I clash sometimes over things that are sensory or ASD related and he doesn't believe I'm fully on the spectrum anyway.
I need my blankie. It's super heavy and so comforting. I don't know why my husband doesn't get that, he knows how much I love deep pressure. He just thinks I'm being silly about the blanket. He was laying on it the other night and wouldn't give it to me. I'd have a true weighted blanket if I could.

These things happen often with most people, you know, people just don't talk about them in general conversation. I probably am far too open with the personal information I reveal on this site, but I trust in my trust not being misplaced.

Perhaps I am liberal, but I am certainly no tramp. I don't sleep around, if that's what you're implying (I specifically stated in my original post that the contact was non-sexual).

All things beside, I don't believe it is wrong for people to sleep with various people if they so choose. And I particularly don't see why if a girl sleeps with people she is not in a relationship with, she is automatically a tramp/whore/slut, whereas a guy can sleep with whoever he wants, and nobody cares. It's double standards, and in today's modern society people should have the freedom of choice to pursue their own romantic lives how-so-ever they choose - be that traditionally with no sex before marriage, or liberally with sex when they choose and with whom they choose, be that any type of sexual play they engage in, or be they homosexual, heterosexual, asexual, bisexual, and all the others I've left out.

Biologically speaking (without all the ridiculous conformist rules and "traditions" of ancient human society), sex is on par with other basic body functions such as eating and sleeping. You don't tell people whether they should be a vegetarian or an omnivore, and so forth.

15 year olds are legal here, does that count?

For the most part, the thread title stands out as one of those dead obvious things (not to say that atypical people can be more understanding, rather, people = not understanding in most ways).

If you can find a friend who's understanding, you don't need more than one I've found.

(People with AS tend to be childlike in many ways, so sleeping with a friend of the opposite sex probably feels no different than if you and he or she were children. Ah, the sweet innocence of autistic people in many cases.)

I did that once and learnt a lesson.

Whenever I got tired of hugging someone, I'd just move away. They wouldn't be thrilled, but they didn't stop liking me because of that, only for other things.

Good to hear you're doing better all the same.

Is this usual for people to sleep together like this, non-sexually? Don´t worry, I´m not criticizing you or your friends...I´ve just never heard of it before. If someone were to ask me to do it, I would feel uncomfortable too. I only seem to feel comfortable with physical contact in certain specific situations, ones that I understand. Anything else, and my body tenses up and I´m not comfortable.

As for people not understanding you, I can relate to this problem, and I think it´s a recurring one with many people with AS- judging by the many threads I´ve seen here on WP about others just not understanding it, or accepting it. I´m not really sure what it is, but maybe one has to have "been there" to really know. I think in some ways people like us may be destined to be misunderstood. I think the best thing you can do is just try to keep communicating with people about it, and try not to give in, particularly out of a feeling of guilt. If you give in and make yourself uncomfortable, it will be easier for people to minimize your problems in the future...(I´m not saying they would do this purposely, it would just be easier for them not to believe you, or to think it was no big deal for you). I don´t think you need to be too worried about offending your friends; you know, it´s their choice, they can choose to believe you, or they can choose not to believe you and take offense. That is not your responsibility. So long as you stress that it is the AS and not because of them, personally, that you have these feelings. More, you cannot do, and how they choose to take it is up to them.

I KNOW people are promiscous, etc... but they generally don't sleep with just ANYONE! In any event, my statement was about accepted things, and talking about how the guy in question was out of line. And I certainly wasn't saying people MUST, etc.... It isn't like the US has laws against this, though people sleeping with younger people, or people too far out of their class or with certain relationships HAS caused people a LOT of grief. Some men have had one night stands with women, and found that they had to pay for the woman and a child. Some men have had sex with women that turned out to be incompetent, or minors, and they ended up in jail. Some bosses have had sex and found that they were fired, etc....

It IS interesting how many pass over the "A casual friend or EVEN your male boss, shouldn't even ASK you to break that little rule.".

I don't even know if there IS a statutory rape law in sweden, but are you saying that an adult could have sex with a 15yo?

In the US, it is technically illegal for a minor(one under 18) to consent(consent is a contract, and minors can't be bound by contracts), and there is a rape law that codifies that by saying that sex with a minor by a non minor is RAPE, EVEN if there is "consent". Of course, it is legal, in some states, to marry if you are a minor, and that trumps the rape law. AH, the logic of the courts! (sarc) Even in such cases, I think there is ALWAYS a minimum age. I think it is generally OVER 15.

I'm not sure, but I THINK the parents have to consent to minors marriage but, then again, a child CAN "divorce" his/her parents. Again, CRAZY logic!

BTW can you see the stupidity in the basis of this law? If a girl were born 4/1/1991 and a boy were born 5/1/1991 and they met in 2007, the sex would be legal! In 2008 it would be legal! TODAY, it would NOT be! The woman could be convicted of statutory RAPE, because her boyfriend will still be a minor for another week!

And then there are things like the idea of "liar liar". The woman lied about her age, and signed a prenuptual agreement. Technically, they WEREN'T married! Even if they WERE married, SHE broke the contract of sorts! Yet the movie ends with the MARRIAGE being declared legal(though admittedly they had a common law marriage and she broke it), and threw out the prenuptual agreement because she was a minor. She ended up getting money, and fought for the kids to get MORE money.

Still, all this DOES help to illustrate my points.

For me, I don't know whether to call them friends or not but if I feel I have some comfort level with a certain person, I'll tell a person straight up about my social impairment. Some of them understand, and some don't. It depends on how aware people are of autism because there still aren't enough people around that know about autism. Still, I feel comfortable to tell others about my problem. That way we don't have any misunderstandings and they will at least have an idea why I'm always not friendly enough instead of them thinking I'm just being a jerk. I however feel I don't have enough friends to see how I would deal with them in the long term.

I've met so called experts that didn't understand me and didn't explain things to me in proper objectively testable scientific ways.

All NT people (bar one) I've met so far won't listen to me when I mention AS. They tell me not to label myself. I said that never ever wanted to label myself when I was little, but professionals did.

If I don't mention AS, people tend to be more receptive and less fearful of me.

That doesn't mean that I don't still have socialising issues, it just means that people treat me as an equal and aren't so frightened. They just put any miscommunications down to my personality or my being "deliberately awkward" in their eyes.

I know what you mean. I don't understand what they're afraid of. It really doesn't make sense to me. I'm sick of it at the moment, I'm different, and this is the first time in my life I've felt like I want to embrace that rather than hide it.

i agree, i've heard it many times - you can't be aspie/autistic - you are just.. SHY! you have weird ideas, you want to add some weird theory to yourself.. blah blah blah...

"Don't be shy! It's not so hard! *insane smile*"

I was told by one friend here that she thinks I´m a "hypochondriac" for mentioning autism...(well, AS isn´t a sickness, so how can I be a hypochondriac???) Unfortunately, I can never think of a reply like this in the moment- it´s hard for me to come up with the right argument- so this woman gets the last word in every time. Arrgghhh.

Every time I try to explain to her about a problem I have, she says "everybody has that problem". The thing is- often later, or in another conversation- it becomes clear that she has no concept of what I was actually talking about, in terms of the problem. It´s as if her brain can´t take in the fact that this problem can actually occur- (most particularly if it´s something social). I wonder if that´s the thing with some NT people: i.e., that if their brains are naturally "socially" oriented, and it´s something intuitive and not analytical, maybe they just can´t even comprehend what we are trying to say? (I know I´m also not always the best communicator either...)