Staring at a blank wall

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I don't think I've ever seen a 'blank' wall. There always patterns, even if their unintentional ones. I used to and still do wall or floor watch, the same way people cloud watch to look for shapes and patterns. My favourite is the grain of wooden floors.

I stare into nothing all the time. I've been told I don't respond to my name sometimes.

I often go off into my own world, sometimes a preferred place, like others when I stare even at a blank wall I can visualize a world within a world, I guess I just see more:

Unreal Time
Dead still Silent
So quite no air
Stopped in time
To quite to hear
Frozen moment
Time Passing
I feel the world
Surrounding me
It reaches out
Blocks out sound
In that moment
Seems everlasting
My time my own
Ultimately I exist

The universe nears
A temporal paradox
Another dimension
Each reaction slowed
Pass with no beginning
An infinitive illusion
Reality not a concept
Static no movement
Timeless real space
No time can measure
Light, time, space stop
Merge into emptiness
Stillness within silence
Time itself forgotten
True absolute space
Alyson Bradley Nov.2008
http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=c ... &Itemid=74

i do not look at things that i find to be "blank".
i do look at things that "everyone else" would ignore (from experience (people are always puzzled as to what i am concentrating on)).

last week, an old friend "dropped in", and i had not seen him for about 2 years.
he was keen to talk to me about how his life has been for the last 2 years.
there were 3 pantry moths in the room, and they always flew into my viewfield while i was listening to him, and i became distracted and watched the flight path of each pantry moth that interrupted my line of sight.

my friend was furious, and did not understand why i was watching tiny moths with fixated attention, whilst i was just vaguely understanding his rendition of his last 2 years of life.

"them's the breaks" i told him when he questioned angrily why his life was less important to me than a moths. he wanted to punch me, but i told him i was ready to ring police.
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i recently went to ballina to go to my fathers 90th bithday (he adopted me when he was 54 (i was 2 weeks old then)).

i was able to go to his party (because of my father protesting that i should go (sisters did not want me to go)).
they booked a whole floor of a club for his birthday.

on the night, i walked in, and i found no one to talk to, so i looked at the carpet.
then i became intrigued because there was seemingly no repetition in the pattern.
i did not believe the whole carpet pattern could be not repeated so i left the table and searched the floor for repetitions of pattern designs.

i found where the "pattern repetition" started about 40 feet from the table i was formerly sitting at.
then i looked at the sequence of symbols in each repetition to work out the wearing of the patterns due to foot traffic. i determined that there must often be a bistro trolley at a certain point on the floor because there was much flattening of the weave in "lanes" that traced around tables to where the bistro trolley must usually stand.

then, a member of the family pulled me back into their social network. she asked what i was doing and i said "just...looking at things". she was not interested in what i was looking at.
when i got back to the table where everyone was, i noticed there was an imbalance of light.

then i got up and walked around and found 3 halogen lights that were out.

after i was told not do do that, i looked through the window out to the river, and then i wanted to go out there.

i went downstairs and sat outside beside the river and i watched the moon beams rippling on the water and it was fascinating.

later, the others came out and they were all tired and spent, and they went home but i watched the river for quite a while.

i hope this post of mine is on topic slightly.