Shy and avoidant even online.

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I've discovered that when I meet up with someone I know well but haven't seen in a while it can be as awkward as meeting up with an acquaintance, as if I've forgotten the particular rules that apply to socialising with that person. & always, whether on- or off-line, I prefer talking to someone 1 on 1. Also, smalltalk is a chore, I prefer to exchange information, or, even better, argue with people, but not everyone seems to appreciate that.

Probably trite, but I find hobbies help. Peer interest groups, whether IRL or online.

I can immerse myself in the hobby talk tech., semantics, philosophy or doctrine long past the point at which anyone but a fellow nerd would be bored.

Gradually I notice, by accident or design, that little bits of 'me' slip into the conversation, it'll be in comparing something, or explaining how an incident in my life helped me work something related to the topic in hand out. Equally, upon reviewing conversations I realise that I've taken on board quite a bit about the people I've been talking to. Again, indirectly. Once you recognise that you're doing it and that it is possible to talk about you to someone it becomes easier to do it without relation to something else...

I'm rambling, aren't I?

Of course it has it's pitfalls, I become so obsessed with the minutiae of the topics I'm interested in that "normal" people think me either a crashing bore or a "know all". I can also fall into the trap of relating everything to my own experience and seeming hideously narcissistic to most. Which I am anything but.

Not sure how clear all that is.... Perhaps I should try and relate it to something....

It's difficult for me to process information in real time, so online chat and whatnot is difficult. I find it worse than face to face even, because face to face I can just let stuff fly even if it doesn't quite work and adapt... online I'm always editing what I say trying to convey my exact meaning and I end up not saying anything or saying it too slowly. Speed is important...

My personality follows me and I find the communication patterns online are exactly the same in real life. I never quite fit in... Online is supposed to be this haven for those with social problems... I find it exactly the same.

I find much online correspondence to be really difficult and tiresome...back and forth e-mail conversations...I read them and regard them...but though I may think about responses...I am not always the most reciprocal....I even have local aspie friends IRL who write to me on facebook, and I have a really hard time responding. I will give the answers a lot of thought..but then not answer..or my answers will be very short...and it is not that I don't care..I just find responding to be sorta stressful.....I am pretty self-centered in my ability to endlessly post on forums and be so non reciprocal with interpersonal communication. Hopefully, they as aspies will understand...just as when they come over, I am not always able to socialize very much with them.

This is why most of my social interaction online is via a game (WoW <.< ) which at least gets me something to talk about :p Even when i log in. It also promotes coordination, which could be somewhat important as you need to know how to work with others in groups (and ofc, deal with them socially).

I find virtual relating much easier and i find the time lapse beneficial. I can process written words easier than if i have to deal with people face to face. I can deal with people one on one. If there is a group of people i always tend to focus on one person.

I collect facebook friends like objects.
I talk one on one with people on facebook chat and it is fine now. But this is at 46 after social skills training and learned bits and pieces from 12 step programs.

I still however spend most of my time alone or seeking alone time.

In my 20's i could not even answer the phone and my family had coded rings to get through to me. two rings...hang up...ring again.
THings can and do improve with age and effort. But the inclination? I am torn between loathing social contact with people and craving it because of that ASD loneliness and the wish to truly bond with others.