My parents won't understand that I might be 'different'

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Well said.

I don't really think my parents need to know. They were really good at just thinking I was "unique" and not seeking any tests or treatment. Maybe it was denial on their part, who knows. But it worked for me, largely in part that I have it really mildly. If I had grown up being "labelled" I don't know how I would have turned out. So I owe it to them to not tell them.

I'm one of those people you hear about whose autistic symptoms have melted away (mostly) as I have gotten older. I think I was able to adapt internally, though social situations can still be really awkward for me. I have thought about telling my brother, mostly because he has always wondered why I was so different from him.

My parent's dismissed it when I first brought the possibility of me having AS up last year, "You have social anxiety, you know that's the problem". I've been diagnosed now with their assistance so make of that what you will.

It might take them some time to come around to even thinking about it, because due to lack of understanding of AS or misconceptions, they might be shocked and apprehensive to even look into it.

If you bring it up every so often, droping little facts and pieces of information in to conversation about Asperger's and how you think it relates to your situation and the benefits of diagnoses and recognition, they could eventually come around to talking about it.

Yes the same happened with my mother, she said I just have low confidence, and that's why I don't look at people in the eyes, not even her.

I think that they're just trying to protect me from others' discrimination and I don't blame them for that. I think that they want others to see me as an individual and not a label.

And people (even some professionals) do still discriminate and patronise: I've experienced it.

I've passed as normal for years and people tended to accept me better without the label.
Plus the fact that they just think I'm a little shy (like them really).
They don't want me to be mollycoddled or denied opportunities because of a label.
I've been told by many people, including friends, that I'd be better off without the label.
Maybe if I am a case at all, I'm a mild one.
Who knows?
It seems like no-one is prepared to give me any sensible or helpful information on these issues. Perhaps if I'd been treated with more respect and given proper positive information with regards my AS assessment, and there had been less discrimination, my parents would have been more supportive of the idea.




That's a good point.
When I have a fever, I can go to the doctor's surgery and he can use a thermometer and confirm this quantitatively. I wish that there was a similar, cheap simple physical test for AS. I also sadly don't have the money to spend on any complex tests yet, maybe in the future. I also don't know if I'm far along the scale enough to qualify for tests like these. Visual acuity testing sounds like the most promising and cheap option, that's if they'll let me take it.




Because they honestly couldn't see the difference between the people on TV, themselves and the "average Joe". I, however, am starting to see these differences.



I meant to say that some styles of communication are discriminated against more than others. Again, perhaps I'm only mildly affected and can't speak for everyone, but I still believe that there are different kinds of non-verbal dialects and styles of communication. Some people might compensate for their lack of non-verbals by being more verbal or using more hand gestures. I've known great speakers like this and they weren't happy people. I'm sorry if I confused the issue, you raise a good point.

Maybe I do indeed have a social communication deficit. I can "fly by the seat of my pants" in group situations and assessments but it's hard. I can communicate: I can give presentations and present arguments. I've scored high in aural verbal communication based assignments, but this has been through dedicated practice. Whether or not my non-verbal body language was "out of whack" I don't have a clue, but unstructured social situations with too many people seem to be the most difficult for me.



I agree.
However, the media sometimes does portray autism in this kind of misleading negative way.

See thread:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt89301.html





Oh I agree.
I've been surrounded by a lot of people who view AS in a negative and frightening way, hence my judgments have been coloured by these views, because this misinformation was all I really had until recently.
Many people with dyslexia now receive appropriate support, respect and appropriate help.
I wish that AS could be viewed in the same kind of helpful way without the ignorance and stigma.




I do mind being short sighted (it's a physical inconvenience). However, I don't mind being treated for my short sightedness because I'm treated with respect. I can go to the opticians and they can tell me exactly and quantitatively about my eyes and eye sight. Short sightedness is a disability that is easily physically testable using optical techniques.

My mind only has a negative view of AS because that's what I've been bombarded with over the years, even by those who meant well and were trying to help me. I guess part of it was anger too and my family's own attitudes. Without being properly informed, it's hard to sort the wheat information from the chaff. I was very confused and frightened for many years because I was surrounded other people were confused, ignorant and frightened about AS.

Much of the help I received unfortunately was based on prejudice and stereotyping because the people who were trying to help me probably only had limited access to information also. They just saw the label and not me as an individual and capable human being. People can be blinded by labels.




Some professionals and helpers did hold these negative views because that's all they probably heard about.

I'm getting more open minded than I used to be, but when I'm surrounded by a lot of closed minded people, some experts and healthcare assistants, it's hard.

I agree, AS should be treated with the same respect and be given positive support like dyslexia.

If AS was viewed as a kind of social dyslexia rather than a "puzzling mystery" perhaps people would be less frightened, more understanding and positively helpful.

The idea of the unknown seems to bring out fear in people.

Thanks for the input.

My mom assumes that my aspie traits are a result of not being spanked hard enough as a child

Sometimes (but not always) I wonder if my family are aware that therapy doesn't necesarrily mean that I'll suddenly be "normal".

It's just that they can be so hostile about some of my difficulties and they often don't try to understand things from my own perspective. I sort of find it insulting because I work really hard to understand people from a social perspective, but my own family have never even read a book about autism (and I have plenty).

My sister is the one who understands me the best (and vice versa).

One time, I was having a massive panic attack in a supermarket and I asked to sit in the car and I was chastised for it because I was "overreacting". I also remember one time where I was just expected to know this social "law" and I was called stupid for "not having any common sense".

I don't want to portray my family in a bad light- for the most part, they're great and they've done so much for me, but there's those times when you can't really get along, y'know?

I think they are behaving in a way and have attitudes that are causal to discrimination. It's not unlike the parent who insists they do not want a homosexual child because the child will be discriminated against.....by people like them.....

This is true, but they will not stop this crap if we all deny we have AS or that AS exists, because such an attitude implies they are right to do so.


Sure, and if the doctor took a swab and employed expensive lab tests they might even be able to confirm what caused the fever. In most cases they'll tell you what probably caused the fever without empirical testing of any kind, and in most cases this subjective guess is good enough for most patients.
There is no official visual acuity test for AS. There is a single piece of research where they tested a total of 30 subjects (including the control group). The 15 with an ADS diagnosis all performed above the range of normal for human visual acuity, and the 15 without diagnosis all fell with the range of normal for human visual acuity. A stunning result, but an unfortunately small sample size.

So unfortunately, it's too early to reach strong conclusions, other than that exceptional enhanced visual acuity might be a biological marker of ASDs that is specific to ASDs.

The good news is this test is a simple eye exam. The next time you go to have a normal eye exam, require that they test the limits of your visual acuity, once you have the eye glass script (if you need glasses). You are paying for a service and there it would be unacceptable to refuse you this simple and quick request while you are there, so just insist you want the upper range of your visual acuity tested. If they use an eye-chart, all this entails is finding out, how far down the chart you can read. It's quick and simple and you need not tell anyone why you are doing it, including the person testing you. You might want to tell them before they begin that you want your vision-corrected visual acuity tested (because they try different lenses when they test you, and once they decide which lens is correct, you want them to test your acuity with that lens, before they put them away again; that way they cannot claim it is any inconvenience). You are looking at probably less than a minute to test this.


I do not know why your parents would expect someone easy enough to miss that it only entered the DSM is the 1990s, would be something they easily see without being already very familiar with the differences as a result of direct experience. Would they also assume they could spot whether someone was dyslexic from tv? I suspect not. Your family's attitude toward this condition is unrealistic and unfortunate. I believe as you do that they love and want the best for you, but I am far from convinced they have gone about this in the most productive manner so far as AS is concerned.


You are correct in positing different non-verbal dialects.

Just as verbal language varies socio-culturally, so does non-verbal language, because it is a learned behavior. All fully-functional humans are primed to learn non-verbal communication socio-culturally, just as they are primed to learn verbal communication socio-culturally. There is no pertinent difference for the purpose of deducing whether or not AS is a non-verbal communication deficiency or merely a style/dialect.

Just as someone who could not use verbal communication or comprehend verbal communication would not be described as merely using a different dialect or style, it makes no sense to describe a failure to acquire non-verbal communication socio-culturally as a difference in dialect. It's only a dialect if others communicate the same way due to the same socio-cultural learning-environment. That's not what happens with AS.
This is very unfortunate. I do believe your family had good intentions in this issue, and perhaps their way was for the best, but I do not feel comfortable about it.

Yes, that is certainly true.

Yes it is very hard, and I am not without sympathy for your situation.


I certainly view AS as more akin to dyslexia than to say personality or mood disorders.

So I'm not the only one who's parents never seemed to get out of denial.
When I was a toddler I had a language learning delay and my parents used to take me to several psychologists. My dad said that he pointed out I wasn't talking, that I simply just didn't demand that much attention, and that they finally took me to one good psychologist who knew how to help me. The psychologist said to start out teaching me 1 language (my parents tried to teach me both Hebrew and English at the same time). My dad told me that the psychologist said I was only developmentally delayed.
Yet, later on when I started school I started special education and had to take kindergarten 2ce. By 2nd grade, when my academic performance improved and the school had me half way mainstreamed, my dad decided to take me out and put me into an all normal school by 3rd grade. Yet, I never felt like a normal person. (For instance, I would stare, and I was in speech therapy because I would talk very slow and drag out every syllable.) Once I went to that 2nd elementary school making friends became a lot harder due to the fact that I was like an anomaly because of my lack of knowledge on social norms. My dad used to blame the psychologist from special education and say that they said I was either autistic or ret*d for the sake of making money, that I might not have believed in my ability to perform if I stayed, and that I picked up my behavior from some of the special ed kids. I asked my dad, what if I am autistic, and he would say that it was impossible because 80% of autistic kids are ret*d. Whenever I said I didn't pick up the behaviors I felt ignored, and the rest of my family knew that I didn't pick up the behaviors but they never even mentioned the word autistic about me.
In college I got diagnosed with Aspergers so it got me thinking about some of the events that happened earlier in my life. Later on I found out some more information. I found out that I was also kicked out of a regular preschool and sent to a special ed one because I wasn't talking or socializing enough with my peers. Also, recently on the phone my dad acknowledged that the psychologist at special ed did say that I was intelligent, but just developmentally delayed. He said that the psychologist said that I could be autistic but that she didn't say anything very precise. I mentioned to him, I've always felt different and I mentioned the term Pervasive Developmental Disorder for people who don't quite fit all the criteria for autism and he said that it sounded familiar. I hate to say bad things about my parents, but I felt like I was being denied a part of my identity. I wouldn't have felt insecure alone if it hadn't been for my classmates, but the very fact that I couldn't identify myself as autistic in the face of being made fun of made me think of myself as a freak by default. If I had been able to identify myself as autistic I wouldn't have gotten into the habit of as much self criticism, maybe I wouldn't be as sensitive to criticism, and it would have been a little easier to point out my classmates' behaviors as prejudice. I've been told that some special ed school do have tricks up their sleeves for trying to make more money (though the school I went to was nationally recognized), and I don't know what my parents had been told by the psychologist that knew how to help me but my experience growing up has been so aggravating! Now that I'm older I've outgrown the intensity of what I had so I'm not sure if my parents would ever be willing to believe me.
I hope that this rant isn't too long.

It's like you've torn a page from my diary...

My parents are very much "on the fence" about my AS. Sometimes they don't believe me, but often they are like, "Well, yes, she is different, I'm starting to think maybe she does have it."

It's the teachers at school who are in denial. I just get told off for complaining about stuff. The headteacher says all sorts of BS to me - if she didn't scare me so damn much, I would bloody well tell her what I think of her. I might even get expelled - that would be awesome. /not sarcasm at all, actually.

I did some research about the condition, and came to the conclusion that I may have it (mildly) when I told my mother about this she was like "No you don't" then at a later date her response was similar, however my friends (he has AS) mother thinks I may, I'm not going to get a test though, because it would appear in my "file" that the government has about nearly everybody to some extent. and possibly close some career opportunities.

Mine always thought I just needed to learn to behave right, or that they could punish the behavior out of me, or deny me everything I liked to do and only allow certain things, which they thought would straighten me out. I endured forced socialization, constant put downs, taking away of things that gave me peace, in order to get me to straighten out, but to their frustration, none of it worked.

They threatened to take me to psychologist as well to figure out what was wrong with me, but they never did. I was also constantly compared to my sister, who they always deemed better than me, and wanted me to see her as a role model, but I didn't do that. She often treated me very badly, always putting me down, telling me I was always wrong or to shut up because she wanted to ban me from talking for the rest of my life, and just trying to tell me what to do in general like she ruled over me. My parents knew this but they thought good grades, reading for several hours a day, playing an instrument and being a teacher's pet made all of that behavior acceptable. She could put me down, tell me off, insult me, etc., in front of my parents and there were no consequences, yet I could never put her down without getting yelled at. She could lose her temper and have a fit anytime she wanted, no consequences, but I could never show frustration or negative emotion in any way without be screamed at, which is ironic because they were engaging in the very behavior they wanted to stop me from doing.

I still resent them for taking my summers away as a child with forced swimming, for taking TV and radio away on a whim because those things gave me an escape from what I had to deal with every day, and for not just letting me be in general. I also despise my mother's constant martyrdom of how everyone has a great life but her, and how her life would have been better if I had straightened out.

Sounds like you've torn a page from my diary.

If you listen really carefully to this thread, you can hear an echo.

This thread is like a cave.
Not that that's a bad thing of course.

Similar experiences.

Coincidence?
I think not.
Something fundamental is going on here.

Something I do must be causing people to react in a certain way.

One thing that this site gives is some relief in knowing that we are not alone.

I actually thought alot of what I wrote about caused my problems, but of course after learning about AS, I'm not so sure now. I used to wonder what it would have been like if I had gotten fair and equal treatment from my parents, it might have been easier, but some of the problems still would have been there.