Is politeness above all always?

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All the more pleasure to be gained from deflating his unwarranted ego, then!

It reminds me when a couple months ago I yelled at my brother and called him "scum" for his horrendous selfishness. He was, more than offended, astonished. I bet it's been years since someone told him a truth about him to his face. These people are excellent at surrounding themselves in life by phonies like them. The story of Snowhite shows this type very well. The step-mother was astonished when the mirror told her she wasn't the prettiest of them all, after years of hearing only what she wanted to hear.

I would have asked him why he fired you after your years of hard work.

Would you, seriously? In the middle of the Photography lesson?

I have a crippling aversion to kiss-assing and know my life and career would be far simpler and smoother if i could.
But fortunately or unfortunately (depending on your love of kiss-assing) there is a quality - fairly pronounced in me - that I am unable to hinder or obscure in any way....It is the tendency to be truthful about what I think, my views, and my perceptions of the world and society. I always say what I think. I have learned to NOT SAY EVERYTHING i think - although i struggle with that too. It can be very weird and painful living in a world that does not adequately cater for honesty.

I didn't see it like that, though. He is obviously showing he would be a help as a reference in the future. I saw (because I was not in the situation, of course) him encouraging you to use your photography skills in your new position. When you get an interview for your new position and you give his name as a reference, he will remember that pleasant conversation with you at the photo class and give you a good word. Had you been forthright and honest and bent his ears back with how you really felt, he would not have the same memory at all.

(the worst thing I had to stomach in life is when something was 'not personal.' When people make decisions for business reasons that have very little to do with me as a person or involve someone considering my personal situation before making the decision. I feel so powerless to guide the situation, but there it is, out of my hands. )

Merle, I wasn't laid off. I was fired. So as I wrote above, he can't recommend me, and would never agree to, because it'd be a contradiction and compromise his credibility with other companies managements. Not to mention that he can't give a recommendation because we never worked together. In any case, it'd be totally inappropriate of me to ask him for a rec. and I wouldn't do it. This is why I don't see where he could be of any use to me...?

He's probably told himself over and over that the reason he fired you was nothing personal and wanted to communicate that to you as well. People seem to forget that it's always personal when someone is fired. Unless they've completely eliminated the position, they're firing a person, not a job description. I don't agree with it and I don't know quite how I'd react in your situation. Even thought I know logically what's going on, I'd probably be so shocked that they were being nice to me and expecting me to be nice to them that I'd go with blanking them out until I could process it.

pschristmas, that may be the case. But, as you say, how could it not be personal?

I HAVE AN IDEA!

Maybe your time has come to have your own bussines!!

Not teaching, or maybe teaching on internet, or what ever!! crisis times are the moments where if you use your creativity you can end up having a company better than the one you worked for.... look at all the great companies we have now (also the turnover ones) and you will see they are the result of one person (or a few) taking risks in crisis moments.

Besides in the states now a days small companies get more support that they used to.


Good luck and think about carnellie, this guy knows how to convince people without them knowing.

Get another job- part time if you can and then write the book of fiction you have in you. you will be a lot happier, Greentea.


You will never fit in, Greentea...you need to make enough money to survive and to write, in my humble opinion. You could write a very sardonic novel - a brilliant novel - given your powers of analysis and your wicked humour.
I say - stuff the Vice CEO - and i do not care if his behaviour is acceptable workplace relations etiquette. It is smarmy and repulsive to me and completely unfathomable. He could - at very least - have opened up some kind of apology or explanation as to why he had to fire you - but no - he was evidently too set in his ways and his Anthony Robbins chummy sales-pitch of a life stuff to do that.
Yikes - the real world is truly weird and yucky. Hanging around in it for too long crushes many of us. Better to get out while you can and try to do something you love before you die, even if it is on a shoestring budget.

Dianita and millie, you're right, I've been giving it some more serious thought lately, hence my thread that's running parallel to this one "Is it a good idea...?" I think I may have behaved like that to him on purpose, as an exercise in burning my bridges to a world I can't belong to anyway...

Exactly.

Best of luck.

Regards,

Patricia

I have an understanding of what you are going through because I have been there - countless times - and particularly when i left university for the 3rt time because I could not cope with the machinations of the real world. I know how unfathomable this stuff is to you. I understand fully - how one can be 46 years old, very clever, and yet not have any understanding of the normal machinery of the real world. I for one have never been able to adapt to it.

Quite frankly Greentea, I see in you, someone who is exceedingly clever but who has been crippled and hurt by the world because you do not fit with it. Stop banging your head up against the NT (i hate that term but can use no other in this instance) wall that is glass and impenetrable to some of us. Some ASD people less severe than me can adapt to it and work with others and be ok. I cannot. That means the choices that are left must be self-dictated and in accordance with a devotion to your passions and special interests. We need to carve out our own words and lives and interact with the material world just enough to get by. any more is pure torture for some of us.

So, burn your bridges as the land on the other side is alien to you and barren. You do no belong there.
I hope you get through this difficult time, Greentea, and go on to write. It is what you wanted to do when younger. ASD

PEOPLE UNITE> PURSUE YOUR PASSIONS where you can, and live in a place of joy. That is where we find it - in our special interests. That is all there is.

Merle, I agree 100% with you. Whether or not this particular boss can be used as a reference, I'd be willing to bet that any potential future employer might find a way to have an informal, behind-the scenes chat with him or his buddies. Much better to play their game and respond in kind; reflect back the smiling, joking behavior as best you can. At least it might leave him puzzled as to why you were looking happy... he might wonder whether a rival employer was looking over your resume with interest. (Reminds me of the aphorism "the best revenge is living well")

Unfortunately, until people who think and feel like you and I are in charge of the planet ( ), this is the only game in town.

Look at it this way, this man found you out enjoying your photography, he didn't find you moping around looking depressed. You would have looked purposeful and you would have given the impression that you haven't given up.. that is what he would have seen when he encountered you. Maybe that is why he started joking with you. Aspies are good at looking like they are on a mission. I dont think it matters whether you were friendly or not, at least you weren't fake anyway.