Cliche advice that sets us back

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Reading this thread makes me angry thinking of all the people who ever gave me stupid cliched advice.

The one I hate most is: "You're trying too hard. Just relax and be yourself."

No one has any clue what I am, do they? If I relax and be myself, I would be awkward, clumsy, anti-social, rude (not intentionally) and cynical. Don't think being myself is gonna get me far in life.

I don't know if anyone has mentioned these or something like them yet, but I detest when people tell me:

"You think too much."
Like I have a choice?

"Shhh!"
(I'm never sure if this is a response to the loudness of my voice or whatever I am saying at the moment. It has always happened when I'm in a group of people, not like, say, at the movies or something.)

"He/she/they didn't mean to be cruel."
or
"Maybe you're wrong about the way they're treating you."
Go ahead, NTs, just deny my reality.

And maybe my favorite:

"Don't worry so much."
Again, like I have a choice?

So true!!

I despise being shushed. It embarrasses me and sets me back.

Also I hate it when something like the smoke alarm goes off (what I don't like) and I yell at it, then people go, ''you're louder than the smoke alarm!''

Also I hate it when my laugh sometimes comes out a bit loud (because I'm not used to laughing much because of depression), and my mum goes, ''SSSHHHHHHHHH!! !'' And I go, ''why?'' and she goes, ''you're too loud!'' and I'm like, ''I'm not that loud, some people have louder laughs than me, and if you really despise me laughing loud then how come even louder things don't upset you like dogs barking, people chattering loud, smoke alarm going, et cetera?''

When someone gives me clichéd advice, they may as well say "don't bother me." It amounts to the same effect.

i, always the naive aspie, took me till middle age to get it that cliche advice means actually "don't come to me with your problems" or "I don't have a clue what to advise and couldn't be bothered to invest a minute of thought in it".

You do have a choice. meditation for worry and thinking too much. Exercise and herbal self medication has its place too

Social skills training and CBT

I'm exceedingly wary of bad cliched advice contained in this thread....

... by emotionally disregulated, angry, hurt, aspies, erroneously affecting thread readers toward bad decisions..... and reinforcing poor behavioural choices that set us back

"You need to be more willing to accept help, but being autistic, you can react poorly to good advice"

[too bad 99% of the help is shite!!]

so

'we throw out the baby with the bath water.....'

"You just haven't found the right person"
I was told that years ago, and I still haven't "found" a girlfriend. Forever alone, it seems.

"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me"
Bones can be set and mended. Psychological problems are more difficult to fix, and no matter what you throw at them, whether it be therapy or drugs (which will just cover it up), the scars will last forever

What frustrates me is people trying to give me social advice. They tell me "Just get them to talk about themselves!". I finally come up with questions, and apparently they're intrusive questions! I can't win!

"Everyone can see in his eyes that he is........"
" A good handshake is the sign of character." Doesn't it mean that a good handshaker is just good at shaking hands.

''Move out''
Yeah, sure, there's a free house waiting over the road for me to move into tomorrow
''Well get a job to save money up then''
Yeah, sure, you think a young unexperienced person with social problems and learning problems will have a chance for a job what loads of NTs are going for? Get real!
''Well get out there and try new things, study, volunteer, meet other people....''
Hmm, that's good advice, if I wasn't doing all of that already

Umm, who said I want to move out anyway? Getting annoyed with my family doesn't mean the next option is to move out and live on my own, as if that will solve all of my problems!

some people have plastic surgery
and appear unscathed once more

''You can't revolve your life around your stupid obsession!''
As if I'm doing it on purpose to be awkward! My obsessions are one of my luxuries, which make me happy, and happiness is important to everyone. I'm sorry that I have become rather addicted to my obsessions like a smoker becomes addicted to cigarettes.

''Wear XYZ, it's more feminine''
I prefer flat shoes to heels. I prefer jeans to jeggins. I prefer ordinary T-shirts to those things with buttons and collars and a belt strapped round my middle. I prefer a proper winter coat to duffel jackets what aren't so warm and waterproof. All of what I said I prefer do not make me look any less feminine than the expected norm actually. There's nothing masculine about prefering to wear casual clothes that are comfortable but still far from masculine. I see plenty of girls in jeans, and flat shoes, and trendy and ordinary T-shirts, and trendy winters coat that's waterproof. God!

''It's not that loud!''
The sound doesn't have to be loud to hurt my ears. It depends on the tone and the direction it's coming from too.

''The Simpsons and South Park are for kids''
Actually, those two (including Family Guy and Futurama) are the types of programmes that a lot of kids do like because they are cartoons, but at the same time not dedicated for kids and is something that adults can get away with enjoying too without being stupid. There was a teacher at college who was in his 50s, and he loved the Simpsons, and the students knew it and really liked him because of it.

Stop being paranoid.

(yeah right, you're a Psychiatrist, you were able to diagnose me without any tests, and you're some new species of Psychiatrist that believes paranoia can be stopped by will. Not to mention, you think you know better than me where the dangers are in MY life).

Yeah, been through that one. The TRUTH is that we as Aspies really ARE disproportionately bullied compared to others, so why wouldn't we??? And besides, it's NOT paranoia if they really ARE making your suffer!! !

I totally identify with what you're saying. Sometimes when I get this kind of crap advice, especially the unsolicited kind, I just want to ask them point-blank "Do you have a medical degree??"

Of course, the reaction would be negative, they'd say something like "look, if you don't want to be helped there's nothing I can do" or "NO, of course I don't. Do I need one? I'm able to observe what kind of person you are and I can tell right off the bat what bothers you."

Yes, those people who claim to know you on the inside better than you know yourself are toxic.