The Aspie Poseur

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Exactly, but I didn't do it only because I actually read that using too much "I" is a sign of insecureness. I read a lot of things about seduction, body language, psychology and such; I have always had an interest in that (even most NTs don't know that much about what they are supposed to be good about), now I realize I really need it. My next goal is to become charismatic: I'm through using logic to convince people

My level of ASD is very tame and I don't fit that much official criteria, but I first proceeded to have an understanding of how psychiatry works and then on how autism works, and I realized AS is a good model for explaining me. I put "I don't know if I have it" in my profile just because it's not that much pathological. Obviously, that bars me from intervening in thread where exagerated symptoms are involved, but I can help in other ways.

Maybe it's only my opinion, but I don't think this is generally true. I do shake hands because I know it's considered polite, and it's the only body contact really required.

I shake hands too. As a bouncer, I needed to effect certain behaviors in order to ease tensions, and nothing is better than shaking someones hand. Gang members see it as a mutual sign of respect, and indeed, to this day, if they see me, they come over to shake hands. I've never involved myself in their illegal or immoral concerns, nor taken their sides on any issues.

People want to hear(or feel) that they are human beings, and are liked and/or respected. Give them that, and you will recieve it in return.

Yeah. When I worked as a pharmacy tech, it was important to establish some mutual respect. One of the hardest things was my dealing with this patient who had alzheimers and psychosis. When she was finally institutionalized and made a ward of the state, she was less paranoid and distrustful so she let her daughter start to take care of her. The daughter tracked me down and brought me chocolate and flowers for "helping her mother when she was having a difficult time". I was really touched.

The funny thing is that I only started really helping the lady deal with her doctors because it seemed like a good way to get her to stop being such a disruption to the pharmacy, not because I felt anything like empathy for her. But she turned out to be a nice old lady that could be "tamed" once she realized you weren't trying to work against her.

I don't have a formal diagnosis. I took several tests online and all came out very high as likely Aspie. I am not happy about it and wish it was not true, but looking at my childhood and now reading one of the Attwood books, I am undecided because I simply don't have ALL of the childhood symptoms.

I would really like to know how reliable people on this board think the online tests are because I would really like someone to tell me that its all ok and no I am not an Aspie. Finding out something this big when you are in your forties is too much of a big deal and I am not coping with it to be honest.

A welcome relief it was to find something that fitted my differences, but at this age, I cannot go back and change anything.

So does anyone here think that people seem like poseurs simply because they are wrongly diagnosed?

I attempted to read as much of this thread as I could.

Um...the thing that led me to this board in the first place was that I wondered where the line was drawn....between NT..and Not NT....If you are not NT does that mean you are somewhere on the spectrum? I am diagnosed ADD...and the front page mentions ADD...My profile should still say "not sure whether or not I have it"....I have always kinda stood out..felt apart..had difficulty understanding why...difficulty understading human interraction in general....

Frankly I feel a little sick of thinking about it, as I have alot since I joined this forum..in thinking about it, I have become too self aware and maybe it is affecting my behaviour...
I have always walked funny, talked funny, not made eye contact..etc..etc..etc...

I wish that I had not been so vulnerable that I had to internalise the notion based on the assesment (by an Aspie who had not met me in person)

Anyway..i like this place..and I have found alot in common....but I would be better off trying not to think about it.
so um....I think I am gonna log out and not log back in.

cheers!
toodles!

You'll be alright. It can be a huge shock to find out, but remember, it doesnt change who you are. It only labels it. Further, you've 40+. You made it this far without a label; you can keep on truckin. You got a lot of life experience under your belt, and even if there are some holes, you can rely on that to help you along.

You'll be alright.

As an adult who thinks she has AS but can't get diagnosed, I'm not trying to fit into any subculture. I think I have AS because all my life I've been unable to make friends, and it seems to be getting worse. I wish I could just forget about all this--I found out about AS nearly 6 years ago and I still can't accept that I probably have it, and not being diagnosed makes it even harder to accept.

If people truly think they have AS because they feel like they can't make friends or whatever reason, I don't see the problem with them identifying as AS. It's only recently that doctors started diagnosing AS. Aspies have been around forever but misdiagnosed, so it's only natural that the pendulum might swing too far in the other direction. Also these people may actually have AS but not have every symptom--not all Aspies have every symptom. As long as they really believe for the moment they have AS, I don't see why it would be a problem.

Now if they start **pretending to be** AS just to get on these boards and troll or start trouble or insult real Aspies, then that's another matter.

I think that there's a difference between **people who pretend to be AS*** and ***people who think they are AS and identify with a lot of the problems that come with AS, particularly feeling alienated, but who really aren't AS**. The ones who pretend would be the ones to watch out for, I would think.

Forming cliques by excluding "poseurs" is what NT's do. I like to think that as Aspies we have evolved beyond that. Since we are the ones that usually get excluded we cannot allow ourselves to start engaging in that behavior. If we want others to accept us as equals then we have to rise above boorish behavior and take the high road.

Yep.

There are plenty of other diagnoses they could slap on someone to sell them pills: depression, anxiety, bipolar, ADD, etc. I don't believe a doctor would diagnose someone with AS just to sell them pills because there isn't even an "AS pill" or any specific treatment. If a doctor wanted someone to keep coming back and using pills, he/she would diagnose the person with depression/anxiety and put them on something like Zoloft or Paxil, or ADD and put them on ADD meds, then tell them to come back often for therapy.

It's very hard to get diagnosed AS as an adult. I'm not saying that the diagnosis won't get more popular and as it does, it won't get overdiagnosed. But since there's no treatment or AS meds, I don't see where it would "pay" a doctor to get overzealous in diagnosing it.

Where it might get overdiagnosed is in children, and the reason might be because in many school systems a child needs to be diagnosed with a developmental disorder (as opposed to an emotional one) in order to get help or supports in a classroom, and even then it's very hard from what I've heard.

I thought Aspergers was about brain functionality; typified by certain behavioural mannerisms.
What has joining cliques got to do with anything?

Have you seen Ali-G's "is it cos i is black" routine?
If you were black; would you want him as a spokesperson/example for your culture?

This is exactly how I feel. Ever since I heard about AS nearly 6 years ago I've been obsessing about whether or not I have it and if I'm in denial about it. I've been forced to go over my whole childhood again to see if I did or didn't have traits, and to make lists for doctors to see my traits because my parents are both dead and there's no one around who knew me as a kid. I've been to 9 doctors and spent I'm not sure how much money (most of it wasn't covered by insurance) and I'm not made of money. If I really am AS I should admit it because someone may accuse me later of having AS and being in denial. But if I don't have AS I really shouldn't go around thinking I do..I should be getting help for my social anxiety and OCD. (Well, I should do that even if I do have AS, but if I have AS there might be a particular type of therapy that works better for someone with AS).

I would just like to get away from all this now...not knowledge about autism certainly, but this whole fuss about who does or doesn't have AS (including diagnosing TV characters) and whether or not I have it. I'm sick of freaking out everytime AS is in the news in case someone at work tells me "Oh that sounds like you". Even though I've told them at work I probably have AS and they've pooh-poohed me, if they heard something new about it they'd probalby come right to me and say it was like me (or that's how I feel).

I just want to somehow forget all this as it relates to me because my life has gotten much worse since I've been worrying about it---I quit a job I had had for 12 years, and instead of getting something better I was so afraid to be around people again and supposedly judged as having AS and being in denial about it, that I waited until my money had almost run out, and ended up having to take a job that paid less than I was making 2 years ago, with an extremely difficult company owner who causes high turnover in the company, in a job where I have to be a backup receptionist and do a lot of filing for other people, 2 things I haven't had to do for years and one of which (backup receptionist) is the worst possible thing for someone with social phobia and who can't think on her feet. Especially since the very difficult owner travels a lot and so calls into the office a lot. Anyway, because of my worry about AS I quit my other job and instead of looking for something I liked, I had to take the first thing because I let my money run out.

I'm not saying AS talk is responsible for my problems--I know it's my fault I got obsessed with it. But why does there have to be so much stuff on both sides about "Oh, my husband/spouse/girlfriend/wife/friend has AS and they are in denial! They're a jerk and it's because of their AS which they're in denial about!" on one side, and "Oh there are these people who pretend to have AS to fit into a group" on the other. Plus there are also Aspies who say people have AS and are in denial about it--until I saw this thread I hadn't actually heard much about the "People say they're AS and aren't" thought.

Yes, I feel like that too, I just fear that someone will notice some of my differences and know that its Aspergers. Someone called me a freak the other day - I think it was as a joke, but I keep wondering if he meant it.

I thus far am self DX, in discussion with Dr. as to whether I will benifit from an official DX. I'm in my mid thirties, and managed without an official DX, done the tests, even a 'profesional' friend mentioned my AS traits years ago, so I had my suspicions ages ago. I like bein me the way I am. However, livin with AS isn't fun/hip/cool/smart. The isolation, confusion, ridicule, bullying and anxieties see to that. What I'm tryin to get across is that you cant make the criteria fit you, and you cant make 'you' fit the criteria. Given all the facts, you know whether you are AS or not. People will come and go here as anywhere else. AS is here to stay'- with us.

I wonder if some I know don't ALREADY know it. They ALREADY know I have a lot of the quirks and symptoms. All they have to do is hear enough of them associated with AS, and BINGO! OH WELL, WHO CARES? So they find out ANOTHER possible reason why I am as I am. It doesn't affect my value at all.

They MIGHT even treat me BETTER because they may figure I may snap, have a meltdown, etc....

Everyone looks at me with THEIR perspective. If they find out about AS, all that has to be thrown out the window. My current employer KNOWS I hate change, etc... for example, but they ALSO know I quit my last job. That shows there IS a limit.

Steve

I find that funny and true.

Thanks to Fuzzy for saying I will be alright too.

I realize that there is no going back now. Finding out is life changing and I am not sure if I really care if others are poseurs, I am more interested in coping with it all.