First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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judyjuice I can really relate to what you are saying about your husband. We have the same issues which is part of why I joined.

My question for the AS members on here who have families.
How do you deal with the busy parts of family life like evenings when kids have to be fed, helped with homework, bathed and the whole bed time routine? My husband struggles with this routine and often shuts down or yells at me because he is overwhelmed.

I have been thinking (of course) about this and realizing that I do have some expectations about feelings. Because I know that at some level AS have them. Not the same, but when my husband was cheated on as a teenager, it hurt. So whatever the sensation it is negative. So when my husband does something like leave me waiting on a bench for him for an hour without knowing where he is, something that he's been in a similar type of situation and had the negative sensations that went with it, i expect him to be scientific about it along these lines..."when that has happened to me, it sucked. so when it happens to my wife, it sucks for her the same way. so if i do that to her, it will suck. so i won't do that."

to do something to someone that causes a negative sensation in yourself does not sound to me like a difficulty in understanding feelings. it sounds like hypocritical self-righteousness, to be blunt.

RE housework. In my house, we've figured out ways to make it work for my husband so we both get what we need. For him, the timing of things is important. so we do not do housework on saturday mornings, like i am used to, we do it on weekday evenings. also, we split chores so he is doing things that i hate to do and vice versa. and then leave each other to it.

maybe there is a way to negotiate so that you're doing the things that most overwhelm him in the weekday evenings and in exchange he does whatever will please you?

My question to NT people please:

I have recently started a new hobby somewhat related to the things I have done already. It's dancing but a different type.
It all was going very well but as usual I said completely wrong things a couple of times. So last time I said basically that it 's nice to be a beginner now because at some later time I will be looking down at the people I just danced with. I did not mean the present company but of course it sounded rude and big headed as I realise now.

Do I need to apologize and explain I did not mean them, just this is how it happens in general or is it better just to let things go? I am terrified this will end up like always and I will just have to sit on my own and do not speak to anyone the whole evening. I am afraid to make things worse but feel so ungrateful and rude....

Hey everyone I have a question for the Aspies on here.

Q: What are some ways that I can get my gf to talk to me about certain relationship issues without shutting down every time? I've read that you need to be clear when communicating and speak calmly and be very specific and direct. When I do this, it's a conversation to me, whereas it's an argument to her. When I try communicate things that are important to me (e.g. her considering my feelings or joint financial responsibilities) she will either not listen or respond sarcastically/aggressively. This obviously is not constructive, and either leads to a fight or me giving up. If it leads to a fight, there is eventually a complete communications breakdown, sometimes lasting a week or more, where she has nothing to say about anything. Pushing the issue leads to her lashing out and eventually questioning our entire relationship - "I need space to reflect". It's like someone flipped off the emotional sensitivity switch (or what there was of it before). When she "reboots" she'll act like everything is fine, yet nothing ever gets resolved. It kinda feels like being emotionally abandoned on a monthly basis, not really sure how to constructively progress as all the strategies I've read about don't really work. Thoughts appreciated

Frank, those are not autistic traits. It's the very basis of a relationship and if it's not there, autistic or not, you should run a mile. My ex husband was the same, and he was NT. And if they were autistic traits, it's not possible to improve your relationship on your own and in spite of your partner, anyway. By staying, you're actually telling her the way she treats you is ok to you.

Don't make the mistake of taking your partner under your wing as a work in progress for you to mold and improve - you're not her parent.

Question for the NTs (or informed Aspies): Why is the way you say something considered to be more important than what you say? This happens all the time with my NT husband and me. I'll say something, and he'll get upset because of the way I said it, without actually paying attention to my words. Why???? I don't mean anything other than what I said. There's no subtext. There's no manipulation. I just want to say the words that I said. Thoughts on this?

Because NTs believe more in the unsaid than in the meaning of words. The message they get is what (they believe) you're saying without words.

when you look at people's faces do you always pick up on their feeling? and when you do what i mean by that is is it literally that simultaneously as you're seeing their face you just feel/know/feel yourself what their state is?

do you ever get nervous around people and if so when? (bar doing presentations in front of people or things like that)

do you ever think how something works? (could be anything like economics or being a pro at boxing/video game or something)

you dislike it when others around you or another around you is clearly different to you by a long way?

put into words what you do generally everyday and what's your thinking style? (assuming your thoughts are generally based around/related what you're doing/looking at each day)

Question for NTs and Aspies:
How do you process the fact that other people independantly(I apologize -- I know I probably botched the spelling on that one) exist? For example, I know you exist. I know you're a living, breathing, human being, and in theory I know you have your own thoughts and feelings. But it completely baffles me that you're in your own head, reading this like I read other people's posts. I don't feel like the world revolves around me, but its almost as if sometimes I'm in a video game or computer simulation. I just cannot process the fact that you're in your head like I'm in mine. Do NTs have this same problem?
Question for Aspies with this problem:
How do you manage arguments with other people? Often when I'm arguing with my hubby, this frame of mind takes over and my sense of concequences packs up and goes on vacation. Any ideas on how to stop this from happening?