This video is just disgraceful to the autistic community.

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Let's say, it's abusive so what should be done in a situation like this ? What should be done with the parent ? What should be done with the child ?


TheSunAlsoRises

I don't see you as an objective party. And, if Verdandi helped you understand yourself, you both may have very similar thought processes. I made the statement i made because i knew. In lieu of this fact, when i address you and her, i will have to be literal, blunt, and ask a lot of questions before hand.

I appreciate your sincerity and honesty.

* as a side note: i recognize her pattern of thinking from online, somewhere. It's just a matter of time before i place IT.

TheSunAlsoRises

Yes, I am saying that. I had three of them. For the first several years, there was, nearly every night, at least one of them up until all hours of the night. By the time they were all in bed, or on the extremely rare chance that all three actually went to bed at a decent hour, we were both so dog tired, we just passed out.

We didn't have a computer until the oldest was almost six. On the phone? There was always a child in the room, and every one of them was insistent on our constant presence. Neither one of us could even go to the bathroom without at least one following us to the door, and talking to us through the door the entire time we were in there. There was NO privacy any time, anywhere, ever, for six solid years.

How does one "go there" without spelling it out in so many words when it's something like that? "I've had some terrible thoughts" really doesn't cut it. To get something THAT troublesome off your chest, you HAVE to talk about what it was in so many words. It's not abusive to talk about what goes on in one's mind. Not if you aren't threatening the child, and doing nothing more than relating thoughts that once came through your head, but you never acted on. Our kids KNEW they were loved. They KNEW we cared and would never harm them. They know it now and always have, because we repeatedly affirm that fact to them constantly with words and actions.

When a parent is shown out of context saying something like that, I know it may look much worse than it really is. The video isn't showing how that mother is with her child when they are not being interviewed. How do we know she doesn't affirm her love for her daughter all day, every day? We don't know.

Kid's emotions are like banks. If you deposit enough positive stuff in the bank, it can far outweigh the negative things they hear from time to time. I just don't think we should assume that this negative stuff we're hearing in the video is ALL those kids ever hear. I highly doubt it is.

I remember my own mother threatening to break my arm once, because I refused to go to the doctor's. I don't ever remember thinking she was a terrible person. Not even at that moment, when i was very angry.

I don't think it's right to make harsh judgments about anybody based on a few very short clips from a video. These are people we know nothing about except for what we see in the clips. Judging anyone on that little information is just not fair or right.

IMHO.

Last edited by MrXxx on 21 Dec 2011, 12:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ad hominems are still ad hominems and are still not acceptable, helpful, or meaningful in a discussion.

I agree BUT make sure you tell that to your friend, also.


TheSunAlsoRises

I'll say here as I said earlier in the thread, I do not find ad hominems acceptable when anyone does them, even myself if I fall to doing so.

Now back onto your regularly scheduled discussion about how autistic children and their parents are treated.

Back to the regularly scheduled program:[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cp-6g_CdpJs[/youtube]

Okay, I'll take your word for it that it is that difficult.

In my opinion, I think that stating such extreme things right in front of the relevant child is not a good idea, and could actually be traumatic. I base this on my own experiences, which my parents stated less extreme things about me in front of me, and it was traumatic - sometimes when it happened, sometimes when I remembered and understood it later. I have not tried to state that this woman is 100% evil and worthy of no sympathy, but I did say I cannot sympathize with an impulse to kill a child or talk about killing a child in a situation where the child can be aware of it. I do not mean this to be oppositional or disagreeable. I have tried to see this perspective and it's simply not there. I can sympathize with the hard work of raising children being frustrating and exhausting, and causing problems such as depression, anxiety, and other issues. But when I look at that declaration, made on camera, and displayed in a video that is still available for viewing, all I can see is "That should not have happened." The film maker failed for putting it on camera, and the mother failed for saying it on camera.

Perhaps I am being judgmental. I can live with that. Am I going to go out and crusade against that woman? Not likely.

Tell me, what do you see outside your own personal experiences, Ms. Verdandi ?

TheSunAlsoRises

Abso-freaking-LUTELY.

Considering there was a crew there, the whole thing could have been handled much better. At the very least, either the producer, or the mother, COULD have asked for arrangements to be made for the child NOT to be present during some of the more sensitive topics. That would have made more sense.

I can see making the mistake of saying something out of despair, when no one else is around, but there was a room full of people there. It should have occurred to at least one of them.

Didn't actually occur to me before now to imagine the entire scenario. Sometimes I still forget there are people behind those cameras.

TSAR, you do know that seeing things from our own personal perspectives is a core aspect of Autism, right?

Given quotes from the producer earlier in this thread, I suspect that line on camera was documentary gold for him.

And yes, I can see it being a mistake.

Here is the same woman from the video Autism Everyday. Her name is Allison Singer.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRjHuvOBWZA[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpG1VsNilLM[/youtube]

I'm am aware Mr. Xxx. BUT, i truly want to know what Verdandi sees. Too many people make the assumption THAT seeing things from ones own perspective means that we have no other perspective; i don't believe that to be true for ALL.

TheSunAlsoRises

I will refrain from asking Verdandi any more questions because she's not answering and i respect her privacy.

TheSunAlsoRises

Fair enough. I wasn't sure if it had occurred to you. I forget myself sometimes that may be what I'm seeing, or even what I'm doing. Then again, sometimes my own perspective is the only one I have to go on, because I can't see some things any other way. A lot depends on the conversational context and topic.