Cliche advice that sets us back

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I chose to stop taking advice completely, and I regard it as the single most pertinent choice I have every made correctly. I still enjoy hearing what others may think of a thing, but this I categorize as mere data, something to collect and be analyzed, but nothing more.

Last edited by devark on 02 Oct 2012, 11:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

heh, I've been on the receiving end of that one as well!

Once, a psychiatrist suggested to my mom if I refused to take a bath, my computer "privileges" should be taken away. Medical orders, it had to be done!

A few years later, when a therapist suggested that punishment for chores (again, to my mom), she was unwilling to do it.

''Read a book to try and take your mind off your obsession.''
All the reading in the world isn't going to get rid of my obsession. I am stuck with my obsession, and I love my obsession, and nobody's going to take it away from me, no matter how much it is taking it over my life.''

''You are letting it get to you too much. Don't let it worry you so much.''
I'm not intentionally letting these things I worry about get to me. I don't seem to know how to not let things get to me. I know ignoring it can, and that's what I try to do, but it doesn't always work.

(Mostly from Aspies) ''Just give up on trying to fit in''
Hmm, that is easy for some people on the spectrum to say, but we're not all inclined to do that. There is such a thing as being an Aspie who is hypersensitive to ridicule, and some of us do desire friendships. Frankly I happen to be one of those types of Aspies who doesn't have the guts to turn my back on the social world and suddenly become self-orientated and not care about what others think of me.

"You're so smart that you could do anything!" Talk about setting someone up for low self esteem when they find out they can't!

Last edited by gretchyn on 03 Oct 2012, 1:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I heard that constantly when I was a kid.
And here I am now, washing cars for a living.

I heard that constantly when I was a kid.
And here I am now, washing cars for a living.

A while ago someone said to me, "I hear you're super smart. So what do you do with all those brains?" And all I could do is shake my head...

My coworkers have said many times "Why the hell are you working here, with a brain like yours?"

And who says it's brains you need to keep a job?

"Don't stoop to their level. Be the better man."

Sure, I'll do like you, respond to bullying with a polite smile, then take it out on the weaker.

You know, you can accept that you have a disability, and yet still desire to improve yourself, in whatever way you define that. This isn't mutually exclusive.

''Maybe they snapped at you because they were having a bad day''
I hear this every time I report abuse (I don't mean ''report'' as in ''go and tell the police'', I just mean it as in ''tell a friend/relative/counsellor''). Having a bad day is not always the reason behind somebody's negative behaviour towards me, so I don't always buy that, unless people just say that to me to make me feel better and not take it so personally. I have very poor coping skills, and I often have a bad day, but I try not to insult other people because of it.

''Maybe he acts hostile to you because he actually likes you''
No, don't give me that s**t, please! Why do some women get chatted up a lot by men, while others often experience hostility from men?

''Happy new year!''
HAPPY new year? I live in the UK, mate, happiness doesn't exist here any more, unless you are rich.

I hear that all the time and a large number of my coworkers have master's degrees! Every job I've had people tell me I'm wasting my life which while it's probably a compliment just reminds me how AS is holding me back from a much more challenging and higher paying job. Of course, I'm clearly NT as people with AS can't work at all according to experts I've spoken with


Heard that one growing up countless times. Tried to follow it and all it did was lead to more and more bullying which eventually led to being downright tortured. These idiots have no idea what it's like to be targeted by a mindless mob out for blood! As Einstein would say "great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds". People literally have no idea how sadistic and cruel otherwise normal people can be if their social status is being challenged.

I have reasonably high confidence, and I have a life, I interpret "get a life" to mean "like the same things as me to validate my way of life in a narcissistic manner"

these two phrases are what I consider "gloves off" material and schadenfreude along lines of demonstration, will begin

since I can't understand what makes them say those things, and since it's highly aggressive, I find myself resorting to measures that discomfort them as some form of skinnerian conditioning



as for "just stop trying to fit in" all I can say is that people on the autistic spectrum, especially amongst the high functioning autistics/whatever you want to call it, honestly have to forge their own niche in society and rigorously champion their own causes

if you aren't thinking like martin luther king junior, you're probably not doing it right too much, although there are many cases where you haven't set up the pre-requisite supports around you to engage in overt championing the humanity of people who are different

we will not hide forever, although our own situation may be especially dire and we will have to *pretend* to be people we are not, we will not forget this (you shouldn't forget that you're just pretending to "fit in")

note that fitting in doesn't mean "being identical" it's just that NT's INTERPRET it that way, and use it in that way

HFA's are very good in various roles in society, and we deserve our own environments to an extent, although we have to acknowledge as well that interfacing with the rest of society is important too, and we can't demand that everything goes our way all the time, but we should always remember that "meeting halfway" means "meeting halfway" just because there are more people who are NT's, doesn't mean that they SHOULD try to force others to conform to their ways all the time, it just means that unless they're called out on it, they *can get away with it*

not all NT's are like this, and many who seem like NT's are not actually NT's, to this extent, a diverse group of individuals with various stigmatized outcast brandings is the way that support will form and grow


collections of people with the same disposition secure us part of the time, give us a sanctuary and refuge, and by doing this and bringing stuff up we'll secure recognition in the rest of the society

we were probably court jesters and wizards, scholars and the crazy people with beards and goggles that invented everything in the 1850-1920's

we also got burnt as witches and pursued as heretics, galileo exhibits classical HFA


a good way to explain to them our difference is to say "you're asking africa to build a particle collider, stop that it's getting very silly" when they say things that just assume you "should already know better" or something

then, you tell them *how it really is* that you are a blind seer metaphorically, that while you can't understand any of the things that they are assuming you should do, you can see the non-social world in ways that they couldn't even dream of


I should mention that one thing that people don't say that annoys me a lot (the most maybe) is that they never tell you to obsess over whatever it is that you're good at as much as you feel like/can even

there's a reason einstein is einstein, it's not because he stole someone's patent on general relativity, it's because he was probably obsessing about it in his spare time

so you'll have to work alone/underground (with a few others) for a while, and won't get much help, and have to build your own mental and physical tools to pursue your dream

BUT YOU'LL HAVE THE LAST LAUGH, THEY THOUGHT YOU MAD, YOU'LL SHOW THEM.

think about it :>

"Get over it"

"Grow up."

"Calm down/Relax."