Aspergers and victim complex

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are you implying that all guys who struggle getting a date rank women?
I don't rank women, I don't compare much either other then looking for traits I found to be important to me. being silly, playful and kind etc.

OliveOilMom: I miss having friends like you. I can't talk about my life with guys, maybe thats why the women who were closet to me saw me as unconfident though vrs women I've been on dates with.

I was thinking that too. I don't know of his other threads so can't really paint much of picture of this whole situation.

But I think that maybe the two are just having a communication error, due to his autism and an NT getting fed up. Or is she an NT? I have no idea. I don't think it's a good thing to use a black and white statement like saying she is a terrible person.

I think the two need some hardcore partner therapy. And no not hardcore in that way. Hardcore in intensive.

Anyway, this whole debate is full of people failing to empathize with the people they are arguing with. If I knew more I might be able to guide people to being able to understand where each party is coming from, but I'll save myself the migraine and just opt out.

I'm starting to think certain members here are actually trolls. No-one can be that stupid.

Bill, You're never going to get and keep anyone, mark my words.

These situations happen to nearly everyone. It's how aspies typically process & react to them that's unique. It's why you get all of these threads about otherwise mundane life situations.. because aspies tend to over think things, over analyze, be anxious, overreact to things etc etc. But yeah, you're right, in a nutshell one could say aspies suffer from a victim mentality in terms of thought processes and paradigms, interpretations of life situations and so on.

I did see the thread that was being brought up I think...and I don't know seemed more like angry ranting than proof that poster was treating their girlfriend any specific way but there's lots of accusations about that meh I don't really know it just seemed like this thread started off with discussion and has turned into something else. But that's just the impression I got.

Not at all. Quite the opposite. It was a kind of weary sarcasm - hence the eyeroll. Bill pitches himself as someone who struggles with women (unlike the liberals and leftists he despises, who he thinks have so many relationships they have to destroy monogomy in order to accomodate them), and who has these great conservative values, and yet he'll quickly drop someone if she doesn't act happy all the time, and he ranks women who want to date him, including the category 'quasi-girlfriend', to which his recent girlfriend was demoted.

Putting together all that's going on, my guess is that Bill wants women to behave in a particular way that accords with his vaunted 'conservative values' - unsurprisingly, this seems to be 'behaving as men want you to, such as not having feelings or ideas about anything', but when she doesn't, he drops her, but not before blaming liberals and leftists and feminists for making women behave in this particular way. And he's also quite convinced liberals/leftists/feminists hate 'lonely guys'. The only connection I can see is that he's a lonely guy, and he hates liberals/leftists/feminists.

maybe this particular side-track should be abandoned?

Eh, it's a bit unfair to say victim mentality, but I agree on the overthinking and overanalyzing.

Bill just seems like a frustrated guy. I bet he doesn't hold these views in "real life." Perhaps he feels like a "victim" via women, and just wants to rant?

I can see how a break up can be due to AS. If the partner felt abandoned or emotionally neglected, felt like they didn't care, communication issues, sensory issues so it makes the aspie reject affection and lot of touch so it may be hard for the none aspie. It may affect how they have sex and it might not work for the none aspie, the aspie could be too rigid and stubborn and the none aspie doesn't like it. The none aspie may not like going out alone so they don' like it when their partner never wants to go anywhere with them, they could be too into their interests and never want to spend time with them or even talk about what their partner wants to talk about and the aspie is unable to listen to what they say. Then things are not working out between them so they break up, yeah I can understand why they may take it too personal and blame it on their AS.

I remember seeing a thread at Babycenter about what sort of guy they wouldn't want and pretty much most of them were "Can't hold a conversation" and some other things they were listing were actually part of AS and I said to myself "Basically they would reject an aspie and not want to date one."

Whoa...

Are liberal and/or feminist woman supposed to be obligated to like anyone just because they are male? Are we obligated to give everyone a chance? I understand your frustrations, Bill, but please try to not take it out on women in general. Social interactions are complex, and there are both internal and external reasons for bad interactions.

Aside from the obvious answer to that, as I've said, a lot of people (especially lower functioning) do have legitimate issues with things like showering. The first thing that comes to mind is sensory problems. However, just because you have that problem does not mean people will overlook it. In other words, if you don't shower for a reason, I can empathize. However, this does not mean people should still be obligated to tolerate a bad smell. Now, is it true that many people need social contact to help lift depression and/or loneliness? Yes. This does not mean it will happen in real life, though.

If you smell a little bad, I think people can empathize. If you do, though, you have to expect that people may reject you. You have to be prepared for people to say something. Is it fair and/or right? I don't think so, but it's reality. This is coming from someone who is often extremely depressed and skips showers. I don't expect people to accommodate my bad smell, even though I yearn for contact and wish they would.

Anyways, a lot of people accused me of having a "victim mentality" when I was being severely abused. I find it easier to deal with the feelings of being victimized than to simply tell someone to stop it, they aren't a victim. People feeling invalidated will often make them feel worse.

no,they can date whoever they want. it's their obession with
cranky single guys or nice guys I find so puzzling

Pointing something out to you on an internet forum when we happen to be online is far from obsession. I think there is obsession here, but it's you who are obsessed with us. Get over your obsession with us and either accept your life like it is or decide to try to make it better. it doesn't matter to me either way. I can easily skip your whines and rants. I don't actually respond to you all that much, which is not the behavior of someone obsessed. So, I'd actually learn the actual definition of obsession and also leftist, before you start bandying them around. Maybe look up bandying too.

YES,some aspie are serve,that it's hard for them to take showers.
I don't think mild aspie on wp understand the difficulty of
severe aspie.That why I get mad at mild,good social skill
aspie who basically call serve aspie lazy,that their
not trying. Yes,some aspie can over come stuff,but
some aspie it's very hard too

Last edited by billiscool on 28 Apr 2014, 8:31 pm, edited 2 times in total.

why do keep bringing up my life status.Seriously,my relationship
status,life status has nothing to do what I write about.
and I have made my life better,and have improve my social
skills,what am I suppose to be a liberal,am I suppose
to agree with you? get over it,Im not a liberal,
Im not a feminist,I can disagree with you.

But that doesn't exempt you from trying, and it doesn't exampt you from learning small, simple things, like three word greetings to use. It doesn't give you carte blanc to be bitter about others who manage to do what you either can't do for real, or won't try for at all. You post one minute how awesome and great you are, then the next you post how you can't do anything. So which is it? Are you awesome or not? Can you do things or not? I've really had it with trying to speak to you about any logic or reason at all, because you refuse to even entertain the idea of it. Go ahead and spend your life blaming women, and blaming women with certain political views. That's really gonna get you somewhere. Live your life however you want to, and make your bed and then lie in it. Refuse to listen to anybody who may have been where you are now and gotten results. Give up on yourself before you even try. Talk about it a lot to women. Maybe it'll get you a pity f**k or something. Who knows. However, I'm done with trying to give you advice and trying to help you. I'm not going to do that just to be accused of BS you just pull out of your ass, and insulted. Maybe it's not your AS that causes you to not get and keep a gf, maybe it's your personality. Either way, I wish you luck, as useless as that wish might be until you decide to make some changes. Or you can sit there with your "poor me" complex and wallow in your misery but be prepared to do that alone. You know what they always say in restaurants don't you? "Bitter, party of one?"