Are you proud of having Asperger's?

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That what these forums are for. I thought going on these forums were the only chance to express myself to other Aspies, but apparently it's wrong to want to be with NTs yet it's wrong to try and talk to other Aspies about it too. I have depression, all right - it's natural to want to confide in others who may feel the same way about their condition. This is what Alex Plank created these forums for - it's good for low-confident Aspies to come and have a bit of support from others when they're feeling blue. Try reading other threads - there's a lot more people whining about it than I am.

Asp-Z - you ought to go on the topic ''I hate it when NTs tell me "just get over it"', because that's basically what you're saying. It's practically what you're saying. These discussion forums are a god send for me to talk to other Aspies about my pain, and all I get is the same answers from you as I do from NTs. Go and give your ''get a life and stop worrying about NTs'' lecture to people on that forum, and make more people upset, instead of just me. I'm surprised there was no replies like that already on that forum, because every thread I've started I seem to be getting negative replies.
You should think that not everybody enjoys having AS, and you must also think twice before you lecture me to say ''do something else and not worry about NTs or not talk about on these forums'', because you don't know me, and you don't know the circumstances in my life, even though you may be trying to do other things with your life making you happy. Perhaps you're more intelligent than I am. Perhaps you have more luck than I have. Perhaps you think you can lecture others because you ain't afraid of getting laughed at like I am, I don't know. But just try to discuss things, rather than lecture others. And if you've got the courage and the ''happiness'' to make the effort with things you like, then good for you.

I am a sensitive person, and I need to talk to somebody! I think it's pretty grown-up of me to go on Wrong Planets forums (which are for Autistic people) and open up to others about myself. I know you'll just reply something gay like ''oh say something good instead of whining'' but there is nothing good about my life, except the fact I've passed my driving test.
You have made me realise how hard it is for people to empathise with others. I live with NTs, I work with NTs - I can't shut myself away from them and just love Aspies. I don't know any Aspies, and even if I did they still wouldn't understand me, judging the way you reply to me like.....

I understand that, but you think about everything so negatively when your life doesn't even seem that bad!

You don't need to psychology degree to know that if you think negatively, you act negatively, and you just make things worse for yourself.

I have hardly any real friends, over the years NTs have mocked me, even today I'm still the odd one out. But I don't let these things get to me. And I am a happier person for it.

Most Aspies have to put up with what you do, Joe90. It's how they put up with it, however, that dictates how happy they are. You don't need to be intelligent or lucky. You just need the right attitude.

That is a good answer. I must remember that I shouldn't be so sensitive over what all my NT cousins are doing with their lives. They will always love me, whether I find it hard to mix with their friends or not. Some day they will probably all be married to someone, and I've got as much chance of meeting a handsome man and getting married as they have. I have a few opportunities now, because I know some men who fancy me and are texting me non-stop, telling me how much they'll like to go out with me - and they are NTs, and are normal NTs (not odd ones, because there is such a thing as an ''odd NT'', believe it or not).

But anyway, Asp-Z - I might try and think about what you said. The next time I hear my cousins saying they done this and that with mates, I might try and think to myself, ''have the right attitude, Jo''.

Yes, that's how I feel about it. I like the way you put that. I'm starting to think now, ''is it really the AS what is making me compare my social status with my NT cousins? Is it really the AS what is affecting the way I avoid parties?'' Because my friend has moderate Autism, yet he is a whole lot more confident than I am. He's handsome, he's tall, he's got a girlfriend, he goes out bowling and to the cinema with his mates, he gets buses to cities like Chelmsford, he likes going into noisy McDonalds restaurants. he's into all the things what other 20 year old lads are into, and he even lives in a flat on his own, and is always throwing house parties and inviting loads of mates round. Most of his mates have other conditions - but NT or NL, they are still good mates. His Autism isn't stopping him from having a good young social life, so why should mild AS stop me?

I should get more closer to him and go to his house parties sometimes. Then I can say to my cousins, ''you're going out with your mates tonight, and I'm going out with my mates tonight too. So I won't be getting envious of you any more.'' Wouldn't it be ironic if my cousins fell out with their friends or became depressed over something that happens, and then I suddenly become the social-party girl and they were the ones sitting in their rooms every evening?

I'm honestly ashamed of it. I'm not saying it's something to be ashamed of, I'm just saying that I'm ashamed of it. Maybe it's because of how depressed I am.

I wouldn't be so ashamed of it if it didn't send out vibes telling strangers in the street that I'm ''weird''.

And I wouldn't be so ashamed of it if it didn't involve uncontrollable meltdowns.

And I wouldn't be so ashamed of it if it meant just a few social difficulties and that was it. What bothers me the most about it is it affects everything. I mean, why does it have to affect my hearing? Why does it have to affect what I want to eat? Why does it have to affect my emotions? Why can't it just be a case of finding social events difficult and just that? Why everything else? Life's too short to stand out all the time, but having AS makes me stand out, and the more I try to get on with it and try not to bother about standing out, the more I do stand out.

AS is like a never-ending loop what never breaks.

I'm proud of it for the most part, but sometimes I am ashamed of it, as I am seen as "ret*d" one moment and "too smart" the next, and I have a harder time with social norms and with speaking with others, but I'm generally an intelligent, erudite Apsie who has a unique viewpoint and is fine with being alone (although it hinders my want to be with others).

I hate that. I'm a gentard. Or a retius. Or something like that

I'm ashamed of it too. I might not be if I had positive autism traits, but I don't. The only one I have is honesty.

I don't know how to actually explain what makes me ashamed of it. I know people can talk me out of being ashamed of it, but then again what is there to be proud of it? Why is it so ''good'' to be unique? I don't like being unique. I want to be like the majority of people in this world. It makes life easier for me and everyone around me.

You know everyone wishes for things what they haven't got? Like some might wish to be rich, some might wish to be healthy, some might wish to be the opposite sex, some might wish to be grown-up/child, some might wish to be African, some might wish to be an animal, some might wish to be alive in the 30s..... We all have hopes and dreams, and it's normal.

But my wish is to be NT.

Sometimes I look at people and gaze at them. I think, ''wow, life as a NT. Being able to make the right social cues. Being able to accept things without having a meltdown. Being able to make friends, whether they're shy or not. Being able to walk out in public without giving off vibes..... I know I shouldn't wish I'm something what I'm not, but we all do it. And I've accomplished a lot of things in my life, and I'm still acheiving goals now, so don't say ''do something with your life instead of wishing for something you haven't got!'' because I am doing something with my life. I'm going on a course next week to improve my mathematic skills and also my language skills,, because I know it may help me find a job easier, and also meet some other people. I also volunteer at a charity shop, which is good. That is all getting off my computer and doing something to help myself out in life - but whatever I do I'm still going to come across NTs (or other neurologicals but who have normal social cues) and I'm still going to secretly envy them.

And this AS ain't who I am, because inside I seem to have a NT soul. I know all the social cues, and I know how to act a NT and go through life like a NT, but I just can't seem to physically behave like a NT or think like a NT, even though the knowledge is somewhere wedged in my brain where I can't get to it. It's very complicated to explain. I can write a whole book on social cues and it can be exactly spot on, but it's like the AS is stopping me from actually being a NT in person.
But don't say ''don't let AS stop you'' because if that was only possible then nobody will have AS. It'd be like telling someone with no arm to grow an arm.

It annoys me when just because the condition is mental instead of physical people think you can control it. I don't know why everyone believes ''if there's something wired differently in your brain, you should still be able to control it, but if something was wired wrong in your stomach or something then you can't control it.'' People with Alzheimer's don't suddenly snap out of being forgetful, no more than an Aspie can suddenly snap out of being an Aspie.

I wouldn't have been hyperlexic without AS, and since everyone just assumed I was gifted, I got treated as such, and thought of myself that way. I graduated valedictorian of my high school class, and got into my university on one of their 10 full ride scholarships. I wouldn't have the same interests, the same personality, the same desire to work on what I do, if I were NT. So yes, I am proud of who I am.

I am.

We can't really change what we are. I can't go by living my life being ashamed of myself, thats no way to live. We are the way we are and a good many of us have special abilities we do better than most NTs. We are made to feel we should be ashamed of ourselves because of prejudice directed at aspies from the main stream NTs. We do have a lot to offer this world, and yes I am proud of myself.

Am I proud of being:

- atheist;
- brazilian;
- heterosexual;
- of some undefined ethnicity, result of a mix of italian, lebanese, spanish and brazilian DNA from my grandparents ?

No, I am not proud. I'm not ashamed, either. I didn't choose to be any of that. I simply am.

I've been brought up in a family who think that being normal and doing normal things is more important than what's right or wrong. And because I'm not normal, my family makes me like I'm wrong in everything I do, say and think. So the meltdowns I have aren't really right nor wrong as such, but they aren't normal for someone my age, and that's when my family despair.

So that is why I am not proud of having AS. It's not a case of being good, bad, right or wrong, it's more so the case of being normal. So according to people like my mum, if I was out on the town getting pissed every Friday or Saturday night with loads of mates, it may not be right to get pissed, but at least it's normal for most 20 year olds to like doing that. If I turned around to someone and said, ''I went out partying with my mates last night and got drunk,'' they will probably say, ''really? What did you drink? Who did you go with? I bet your enjoyed yourself!'' And I'll probably become popular. But if I told someone, ''last night I had a temper meltdown. I cried and stormed about, and I hit myself in the face because I was so angry with myself - all because it's going to snow tomorrow and I hate snow. And I was sobar!'' And they will probably say, ''oh my god - you are weird! What is the matter with you?''

Do you get what I mean?

No, not really. It makes me do some really embarrassing things.