First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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Hi there - I have, buried in another post, an issue to which I am seeking answers (including from NTs) in order to understand why.
And what (if anything) I did wrong.

It's on my own 'new topic' - entitled "Being ignored by NTs & different rules applied to AS people" (I'm aware that that was truncated and should be "people") - in the general autism discussion. I won't reiterate and post that same, huge post again here, but thought I'd make you aware of it, as also relevant to AS/NT topic.

Thank you very much! And enjoy reading.

Hello NTs, this is my first post on this thread, and I have a question for you that I'm interested in hearing your answers about. People always talk about the fact that aspies have heightened sensory sensitivities and become overwhelmed easily by too much sensory input. My question for you is, does that sort of thing ever happen to you? Do you ever experience sensory overload, how do you handle it, and what sorts of sensory experiences trigger it? I'm very curious because no one has as yet published a guide explaining what it "feels like to be NT" the way so many aspies have done about their condition.

No one's ever tried this on me so I can't say for sure how effective it'll be, but it'll probably be an improvement on just dropping in and jerking him out of whatever he's working on, as my family loves to do to me. Try just sitting in the room with him for a few minutes to ease him into acknowledging your presence, then ask what he's working on. If he starts monologuing, it's okay to cut him off with something like, "Huh, that's interesting, listen, there's something I wanted to talk to you about..." and go from there. If he just gives a brief answer and passes the conversation back to you, you can either lead him toward the subject you're after, or just jump right in. I gather most people consider it "softer" or nicer to lead a person into a potentially heavy conversation, but I prefer to just be told directly, "We need to talk," because otherwise I start getting confused as to why the person I'm talking to seems to be rambling on about nothing of importance before they finally get around to whatever it is they wanted to talk about.

Sensory overload of sound and visual happens when I'm tired. This implies that the sensory filters take some energy to maintain. The way I handle it is to remove myself from the situation (when possible) and get some sleep.

The only sensory overload that bothers me when I'm well rested is proprioceptive overload. I feel ill if I feel my body changing directions rapidly. Thus, unlike some people, I do not enjoy rollercoasters or centrifuges (human size centrifuges are found in amusement parks because some people like that- ack!). I do not like ferris wheels because even though they move very slowly the buckets swing back and forth when they come to a complete stop. These things can be avoided by avoiding those rides at amusement parks. But I also need to avoid going up and down very steep hills in a car. So I dislike driving in San Francisco.

I have a ton of questions and I have no idea if any of them have been answered because reading almost 140 pages worth of comments is WAAAAY overwhelming and my brain is already melting with info overload and I haven't even started yet.

OK. So. They call me an NT though I don't think that is entirely accurate. I have been diagnosed with Adult ADD (whatever that means). I have a boyfriend (new relationship) who is an Aspie and I'm trying to learn everything I can about the condition but it's.... Overwhelming. There seems to be so much to learn and know and I wonder if I'll ever get it right.

So to the question most bothering me.... I know that Aspies typically get involved in their lives and forget to answer texts or acknowledge that someone is there and might possibly want some sign that the Aspie is thinking of them. I accept that. But I wonder... If I don't send a text and just wait and see how long it takes him to contact me, will that provide any information other than the length of time it took him to contact me? Because in a NT-NT relationship the time it would take would mean a lot. If someone waits a week to talk to you then likely they aren't that interested. Aspie's are different and I'm trying to figure out how to think like an Aspie, I guess.

I just don't want to misinterpret something and I want to make sure that what I do/say is going to be received in the way I intend it to be. For example, I already know he doesn't like gifts so I'm not going to give him any. But he likes it when I smile so I'll do that as often as I can.

It depends on the level of his awareness. If he's aware that he's supposed to keep contact regularly in a relationship, you can treat him like an NT with respect to the amount of time it takes him to respond (that is, assume he's ignoring you if you don't hear from him). If however it doesn't occur to him that people in relationships frequently talk about nothing for the sake of keeping in touch, he may not contact you at all until he feels the need to see how you are or wants to get together with you. I can go weeks at a time without ever contacting my friends because it doesn't occur to me that they would need or want checking up on. I figure if I have anything important or relevant to impart, I'll tell them, and if they do, they'll tell me, but the idea of talking about nothing for the sole purpose of keeping in contact is foreign to many aspies. So, long story short, if your boyfriend is the more socially unaware type, don't take his silence as any indication that he's ignoring you, just specify the terms of the expected contact within your relationship (e.g "I want us to call/text/see each other X times a day/week"), which will make your expecations clear. Also keep in mind that aspies can suffer from social overload; if he's had a long day at work or school interacting with other people, he may not have the social or emotional energy to spend a lot of time with you. I find that too much "people time" stresses me out and irritates me, leaving me overwhelmed and the person I'm with confused as to what they did wrong, so remember to ask him how his "people meter" is doing, and don't take it personally if he says he needs a night alone, just try another time.

Thank you. That actually makes me feel tons better. I'll take your advice and use it.

But, how to read her response correctly?

I have had friends tell me a woman was interested in me, for example, a waitress in a restaurant. Swear to god, I saw NO signs of interest, and the more I thought about it later, I never got any closer to figuring out what those signs may have been. Confusing as all heck. Would have made more sense to me if the woman had plain out said, "Hey, I'm interested in you." or, "Would you like to go out with me?" They never seem to do that.

Other times I have thought someone was interested but it turned out to be a major false alarm, proven so by the failure that followed my following the false signal!

If you're interested in someone, ask her out for coffee or dinner. If she says no, you could always ask if her answer is because she's not interested in you or if the timing is just a little off. Of course, this approach may be a little too direct for some people, but then you have to ask yourself - if she can't deal with direct and honest, is she the kind of woman who can handle being with you? Personally, that would be something I'd want to know right away. There's no sense in investing in someone who isn't going to be able to accept you for who and what you are.

To answer your question: no. I never tried to harm myself.

question for an NT-

Do you get upset when someone's autism causes issues in life? My bf gets upset but I don't know how to explain it without sounding like I'm using autism as a scapegoat.

Also, I might just add when they are hung over. My sensory issues ranged from mild to moderate, now they are moderate to severe and it does just feel like a bad hangover. I'm talking vodka, tequila etc. I even get a lot of headaches. I'm AS, if that wasn't clear.

I'm new here and new to the whole idea that I might be autistic. I think I am, but I have some questions for the AS people.

1. I have to constantly be fiddling with things, whether it be twirling my hair, digging my nails into my palms, nibbling on my nails, clicking a pen, etc. I was never really aware how much I did this until I started reading about "stimming" (do I have that word right?). I read that AS people will rock or spin and it occurred to me that my hands are almost never still. Even now, as I pause in my typing to consider my next sentence, I catch myself taking up a hunk of my hair to fiddle with. And wow... paused again and realized I've got three fingers in my right hand in a vice grip with my left. And now I'm biting my nail. I quit writing to edit and found myself rubbing my neck. Would you say this is a symptom or am I just wiggly? Becoming aware of how much I do this and how, well, how darn compulsive it is just doesn't seem normal.

2. I avidly dislike the idea of getting wet all over when I'm dry. Its an act of sheer willpower to get in the shower if I think about it first. I quite literally have to sneak it on myself sometimes. I go in to use the restroom and just toss myself in the shower before I know what hit me. Once I'm in the shower, soaking wet, I'm fine. But thinking about taking a shower conjures this imaginary sensation of how I imagine all that water all over my skin is going to feel and how horrible it will be. I always thought this reaction was some weird hydrophobia brought on by almost drowning as a child, but now I'm wondering if its a sensory overload thing. But then if it was, wouldn't it be worse when I was actually under the running water? I also have issues with repetitive sounds. Techno Music makes me feel really violent if I have to listen to more than a few bars of it, like I could turn into a viking berserker or something. Some childrens' squealing is not just unpleasant and annoying, I feel like I've been stabbed in the eardrum. Does any of this sound like autism symptoms?

3. When you get into disagreements with people in your life do they use your autism against you? IE: When they say something and they know they're in the wrong for having said it, do they claim you misinterpreted them and they really meant something else? And yet you know, logically, that you heard them right the first time? Or, as a different example, do they dismiss your perspective on relationships without fairly considering them, because they know you're autistic? I worry that admitting a disability like autism could cause people in my life to stop taking me seriously whenever the subject is human interaction. I would dearly like to be understood and cut a little slack for my issues, but I don't like the idea of establishing a "weakness" that could be used to my disadvantage.

Welcome to WrongPlanet, Velocityraptor!
I've been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (now referred to as High functioning autism).

Now to answer your questions,

1. Those could be stims, but there are a lot of people who aren't on the spectrum that also fidget a lot. Like those who have a form of ADHD for example. So it's really hard to determine whether it's a symptom or you just fidget. Even my parents both have their ways of fidgeting and neither of them are on the spectrum. And many of my NT friends do their own fidgeting. So yeah, it's hard to say. Although I must mention that when it comes to a fidget like rocking back and forth or side to side - I have NEVER met an NT who does that. Again that's not to say they don't exist, but the only people I've ever known who do that are those on the spectrum. (There are also plenty of individuals on the spectrum who don't rock at all).

2. I really have no clue about this one. There could be a lot of possibilities. Maybe you just don't like the change of going from dry to wet? It could very well be a sensory issue, which is related to autism, but I really don't know. I personally struggle with taking showers just because... I don't know why. I'm not bothered by the water or anything like that, I just hate the whole tedious, mundane task. Same thing with brushing my teeth. I guess that's why I struggle with those two things.. Everyone thinks I just forget and need to be reminded... Ha. No, I remember. I just don't want to do it.
As for sometimes sounds feels like you're being stabbed in the eardrum... I can relate. I was actually just explaining this sensation to my sister the other day when she was talking to me in her normal voice and I suddenly cowered down and clutched my ears. in pain. That does sound like a common sensory issue. It's a very strange thing, to be honest. I will hear the same sounds I always hear and then sometimes it hurts my ears and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I'll be walking down the street and one of my ears goes completely mute for half a minute or so, then come back. Sometimes loud ringing will come in my ear (and not standard tinnitus which appears during quiet times after hearing loud things) at the most random times.
I was rushed to the ER when I was a sophomore in High school actually because one of my ears went completely deaf for several hours, then when the hearing finally did return it has never returned to normal since. I am now partially deaf in one ear for no apparent reason at all.


3. For me, no. But obviously this answer will vary greatly upon individual... based on how severe their autism is and/or the kind of people they hang around.
I have NEVER had anyone blame my Autism for me misunderstanding something. If anything I will be the one saying that I misunderstood something most likely due to my Autism LOL.
I was not diagnosed until I was 20 years old, but since I had been diagnosed I am extremely open and upfront about it. I have unusually good social skills not just "for someone on the spectrum" but just as a person in general. Because of this, no one cares or even seems to remember that I have it. I've told casual friends and coworkers, close friends, family members.. Whoever wants to know. I feel no shame at all about it. I like to be upfront because I admit that I have trouble picking up on teasing sense of humor and sarcasm, so I always warn, "If you make a sarcastic remark or a teasing joke and I stare at you blankly, it means I didn't get it and you need to let me know you're just kidding otherwise I may take you seriously."

Also it helps my friends and girlfriends understand me better, like why I may not be able to hang out with them for 6 hours a day every day without some sort of break. Or hang out with them an entire weekend and then avoid them for a few days when they want to hang out AGAIN on the very next day!

Also I'd like to add that most people that I have told, don't even really know what Asperger's/high functioning autism is. Everyone has heard of standard "autism" but they didn't even know what that was really or what it meant. Some think of Rain Man or something like that but for the most part they really don't know much about it, so I have to explain to them what it is and what it means for me.
That's one thing that's important to make clear to people, in my opinion - That you explain to them, yes, this is what Autism is, these are the standard symptoms.. but this is what Autism is FOR ME. Because it's a spectrum so no two people with it are alike. So while some may have issues with changes in routine or socializing.. Others may thrive on it and have more trouble with focusing and coordination.

Again, welcome, and I hope that answers some of your questions a little bit.. From at least one guy's perspective.

Thank you for your reply, it was very helpful. It sounds like I may be jumping too quickly to conclusions. I need to spend some more time considering it. Thank you again.

I was confused about posting a comment on this thread. I was worried that the thread had died but I am glad to see that it has had activity from 5 days ago. Also, I wanted to make a fresh comment with questions so I clicked reply but this seemed illogical but the other option even more so.
Recently, I have lost the majority of my friends. This has saddened me.
Although it makes me sad, it is a relief not to have to communicate with them anymore as I found this stressful even though it was somewhat enjoyable.
One of my friends who stopped being my friend was diagnosed autistic when he was younger.
This was one of my best friends and I do not normally have more than 1 (throughout KS1 and 2 I only had 1 friend and he has been strange lately)
It also didn't help as it would have been useful to discuss the fact that I think I may be autistic but when I say these things out loud, my head starts to hurt very badly.
So, I have a question for NTs, if they still hang around on this thread as I have been reading the older pages while listening to white noise which makes a very pleasant time but I am only on page 29, so I have a lot to read till I catch up, what I did wrong:
(possibly the catalyst), he was holding a long tube (which was used for tissue paper) in our art lesson and facing away from me, I was bored and I grabbed it (I have no ToM, bare this in mind), he was hurt by this - I mean this caused him pain and he let out a cry and I did not realize this would happen, and then avoided me for the rest of the lesson.
When I talked to him during the lesson and said things such as "I won't do it again (name not included)" or "I am sorry", he would say things like "you better ****ing be".
And the next day when I asked him what I did wrong so I could apologize, he told me to go away and that he didn't like me and that what I had done was just to be me.
My questions are this, though fellow auties and aspies and everyone can answer and I welcome them to,
what did I do wrong?
how can I fix this?
I look forward to a response.
Thank you.