The autism social rule book.

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hahaha

I am terrible with this one

268. No one cares about you. They care about themselves. How does having contact with you benefit them? If you want to connect with them, you need to focus on them.

Keep in mind that a benefit may be more complex than just money or attention. Charity, for example, also have some kind of hidden selfish reason. ("It makes me feel good", etc.)

(Learned from my sojourn into marketing/business...)

Knowing the rules is a lot easier than following them but here's one I came up with recently.

269. When someone like a sales person or a doctor is telling you something, nod your head while you listen. Otherwise they think you don't understand and they keep explaining it over and over.

270) Try not to bring up subject matters with a person if you know its completely irrelevent to them.
Examples: 1) Talking about god to a non-Chritian who has no interest in god.
2) Mentioning ions to a non-science major

271) Stay on subject, try not to randomly change the subject matter too much.

272) Dont talk about a person to someone else when the person is there or close by even if your not talking bad about them.
- Me and 1 of my friends break this rule all the time, yeah...its disrespectful.

some suggestions I found:

You don't need to use much eye contact, just specific times to use eye contact:
• End of an important sentence (to add emphasis)
• End of a question (to request feedback)
• During the entire time of asking a rhetorical question (to ensure proper delivery of the question)
• At key points in the other person's speech (such as when they are delivering or requesting important information)
• At greeting/farewells (esp. during the handshake, if there is one)

273) Do not clean your ears in front of people, family is okay.

guilty

274) If your with someone and they see someone they know and start interacting with that person. This is a person you wouldnt normally interact with, you should try interact with them anyways unless you never met them. You dont have to completely engage yourself, just maybe a hi, bye or a a few comments is sufficient. Its just out of respect besides it make you seem more open and approachable as a person. Maybe in the future you can get to know that person.
- i swear it took me 5 years to figure this 1 out

275) Be careful with your words in trying to convey what you really mean. Sometimes using similar words will convey something totally different which leads to many misunderstandings.
276) Its good to laugh but laughing at inappropriete moments can be somewhat offensive at times.
277) Try to have a reciprocal conversation with people as in cut the long monologues. Work on engaging yourself in what the person is saying, asking questions.
I notice many aspies have a monologue ways of talking whether its about a special interest.

I'm really quiet and reserved around ppl I don't know because of this. It takes me a long time to open up to ppl because it's insanely hard for me to figure out what reaction my thoughts or actions may illicit.

One I have some trouble with 278: As awkward as social interaction may be, trying to map out a conversation in your head before you ever have it really doesn't help. An old military saying I know holds true for social interactions too. No plan of attack survives first contact.

I feel like mapping out a social interaction in your head would make me more nervous for the social interaction so not a good thing. I think having some topics on hand that you can bring up is more useful well at least for me. Allow the social interaction to play out however it does.

279) Dont hit on someone unless your actually interested in them.
Honestly I dont think most aspies do this, Im just sayin it cause its really annoying to get hit on by someone and find that their not really interested and they were just doin it for the heck of it.

280) Try to reciprocate as much as u can in your social interactions, social relations, etc. Dont just take take take from others and constantly go off on long non-reciprocated monologues about whatever.

281) Dont talk about your problems with people until you get to know them better.

282) In talking to people, dont be an extremist, either hogging the entire conversation or just asking questions and never saying anything about yourself. Find a middle ground people.

283) In terms of looks: avoid by all costs looking creepy especially if your trying find a gf/bf or if u just want friends. If your wondering why you get easily accused of sexual harassment: any wonder, u might look like a creep perhaps?? IF you dont care about scarying people off then fine. Remember people: looking geeky is better then creepy.

Rules 282,283 specifically directed at u Peter(if u ever see this)

284) Some key things for social run-ins: the amount of eye contact made, the way a person is directed at you, how receptive the person is to you, facial expressions(do they smile?), does the person walk up to you, do they keep their distance, do they ask u how u are, etc. Remember interaction is a 2 way st. Depending on how u want to interact with them(say hi, stop and talk, quick greeting,) try to convey that.

- sidenote: someone should seriously organize all these rules into catagories, it'd be more helpful so people can use them as references for specific situations

I HAVE to get my stepson to look at these pages tomorrow, when he's home for the weekend. I can recognise so many social problems he already has, these pages may help;, or they may give him new worries.

I think it's worth the risk, for him to know he's not the only one out there ( especially as one of his friends has just been mowed down by a bus and killed). Anyone out there prepared to help a 19 year old, who was only diagnosed at 16?

Don't worry, non-ASs do it too, especially the male of the species!
So I wouldn't be embarrassed!

yes of course

1st post here

I love this thread ! ! Its helping to lighten things up for me. Oh, there I go again, talking about myself...