You Might be an Aspie if...

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Ha ha. So true.

Or you might be Yoda.

YMBAAI...

You totally can relate to Dr. Sayer from Awakenings when he talks about how comforting the Periodic chart is. “They’re all secure. You can’t change that.”

You become very annoyed when you discover that your teenage niece thinks the periodic chart is what she uses to track her monthly cycles.

You find the general population to be very, very dumb and the only people who are interesting are other Aspies.

You discovered years ago that the way to make friends is to let people talk about themselves, which is do-able, but you must bite your tongue every 10 seconds to keep from interrupting them with some trivial fact or correction.

You believe ASD’s are a path of evolutionary progress.

You have not been to a professional hairstylist for years due to trichotillomania (TTM).

Your way of unwinding involves stimming while staring at animated fractals.

You keep a piece of paper on the passenger seat of your car for the sole purpose of blocking the sun on the drivers side window.

You hate driving at night because the glare of oncoming headlights causes you to panic.

You can’t use the turn signal because the sound is too annoying.

You cannot sleep without white noise.

You can hear a dog barking across the street, and it’s INSIDE.

You have had so many issues with barking dogs outside that you have told people the reason for your insomnia is “barking dog syndrome,” which makes them laugh and then you tell your many barking dog stories. I can post these if you like.

Your stim is trichotillomania, and you feel compelled to “mark your territory” when you visit a new place, with your hair.

You find eating an absolute nuisance and could live on cheese and crackers. However, when you become obsessed with cooking, you cook elaborate four course gourmet meals, but there’s no one to eat them.

You find it hard to respect people because they seem so dumb and they value stupid things like celebrities and sports.

When you do find someone you respect, you become totally obsessed and unquestionably loyal to them.

You can’t seem to ever part with your old copies of Omni.

You can’t seem to ever part with your old national geographics, because what would you do for information if there is ever a EMP surge, or something happens to your internet connection.?

You desperately wish your infrequent obsession with cleaning the house or keeping yourself well-groomed would last longer than a few days.

You come to realize over time that having a messy house or appearance is an unconscious excuse to keep people away.

You have been known to go a week without showering.

Your parents loved you because all they had to do to get rid of you was get you some books. They hated this when they tried to ground you.

You once took the washing machine apart when your parents were having guests over, then got up at midnight and put it back together before they got up ( I was 11).

You signed your own yearbook with imaginary friends. Even in high school. This one bothers me.

Having real conversation with NT’s rarely lasts for more than 5 minutes. If I allow them to talk without interrupting (this is difficult but I’m much better at it now that I’m older), my eyes are glazed over at 5 minutes. If I talk, their eyes are glazed over at 5 minutes. For different reasons.

Having a real conversation with another Aspie is a true joy, especially if it’s an Aspie that is capable of having their own conversation whilst you have yours, each one talking about two completely different subjects, but both of us hearing and totally understanding the other one. I used to do this with my mother and we both just loved it! Oh how I miss her!

When you were a teen, you wanted to marry McGyver.

You have driven family members nuts by repeating TV or movie lines over and over. Two that come to mind are Tales from the Darkside; “Man lives in the sunlit world of what he believes to be reality. But...there is, unseen by most, an underworld, a place that is just as real, but not as brightly lit. A Darkside...” or, from Alien, “I admire its purity. A survivor. Unencumbered by conscious, remorse, or delusions of morality.” Drove my sister crazy!

You had read the entire bible 6 times by the time you were 9.

You read and understood Shakespeare at 7.

You discovered a love for 3-D geometry at age 10, and built a complete town out of cardboard and construction paper, complete with paint, roads, and telephone poles with wires.

You had a visible man and woman, and all the organs were painted correctly, even if it meant special ordering a specific color.

You were shocked to discover in 1st grade that everyone didn’t know all the planets in the solar system, their correct order, all their moons, and their chemical composition.

You were extremely upset when they “de-planteted” Pluto.

When the Challenger exploded (age 21), you had a breakdown and stayed in bed stimming for a week.

When the Columbia exploded (age 41), you had to take a day off from work.

Your biggest regret in life is that you have never seen a shuttle launch or land, and the program’s retiring this year. You are especially upset that you were in Florida one day before a launch, but your family forced you to go to Disney World instead. You still have not forgiven them for this.

You don’t mind the ants in your kitchen. In fact, you like them.

You love to read your own writing and don’t understand why everyone else doesn’t.

You like to solve quadratic equations in your head, but you still put your shirt on inside out and backwards (and you’re 45).

You have major issues with packaging for multiple reasons. Most breakdowns occur because of a package that ‘s difficult or impossible to open without a nuclear device or an engineering degree. It is so bad that you actually hate to go shopping, not just because of the crowds, but because of the mental state and preparation you have to do to get through opening things. You have to, multiple times, set the item down and calm down, stim, then try a new approach. This is after many years of dealing with insane rages after trying to open things, especially cd’s or dvd’s.

The other part of the packaging issue lies with the garbage generated. For the love of God. How much useless crap must we throw away? I hate taking out the trash because I always have to talk to one of my neighbors! So I have actually taken it out in the middle of the night. Which wakes up the barking dog next door. For this reason, I feel that all packaging designers and marketers should be taken out back and shot.

Another reason you hate shopping is you always forget where you parked, and wander around the parking lot looking like an idiot.

You have been known to drink barbeque sauce, salad dressing, or chocolate syrup right out of the container.

You continually think yourself into circular arguments or impossible conundrums. For instance, you have TTM, which is bad, but it keeps your hair in such a frightful state that you dare not ever see a hairstylist for fear of ridicule. So this is good too because you would rather walk across hot coals than sit and talk to a hairstylist for over an hour about the latest cosmopolitan.

You abhor anything ghetto, like the stupid nicknames they give their kids to the tattoo obsession.
You pray this horrible fad will be over when your kids get bigger; in fact, you want to keep them out of public school because of it.

You wish you weren’t an aspie so you could home-school your kids. The alone time while they are at school is essential to your well-being. You become obsessed with solving this conundrum before they are 5 (2 years from now).

You find it amazing that people are so lazy they never think for themselves, read anything at all, or know any basic science or history.

You got left behind by your parents at a go cart track when you were 9. I got yelled at and went off into the stands by myself. Then my mother left and my father thought I went with her. I watched them drive off, leaving me there, and I thought they did it on purpose because I was so difficult. At 10 pm they came back for me, just as I was hopping the fence to go look for help. It took me 6 hours to get up the courage to go look for help. They blamed it on me, of course, because I went off by myself without telling anyone. I am still teased about this, and it still hurts.

You feel like the girl in the story by Sylvia Plath in the Bell Jar: “I sat under the fig tree, looking at each glistening fig. One was a brilliant writer, one a professor, one a wife and mother. Dozens of figs, but choosing one meant losing all the others, so I sat there, starving, until all the figs withered and fell to the ground.”

You know the significance of the number 42.

You are upset by stupid people who don’t know the difference between your and you’re; their, there and they’re; or to, too, and two.

The only text you hate more than lol is ur.

You were obsessed with the equation e=mc2 s a child, then the treble clef when you were a young adult. You wrote them on everything.

You only have a cell phone for emergencies, and you get more wrong numbers than actual calls for yourself.

Your name in school was “ Janie’s sister.”

You read this entire thread backward, and are annoyed that now your post isn't first.

Do you still have the one with the results of the genetic-engineering contest? That was the one where the winners gave humorous cross-breeding results, such as:

A research monkey + a legume with underground pods + a yellow cup-shaped flower = a rhesus peanut buttercup.

If so, would you mind either posting them somewhere, or emailing me a copy? Mine was destroyed in a small flood back in the '90s sometime.


Please tell me you were using that line in reference to your sister, or one of her friends...


And how did you handle the Voyager flybys, when they had to add all the moons to Jupiter and Saturn?

You might be an aspie if you hate people who expect you to conform to their thinking.

Well, if you have the date that would be helpful, I'm going to my storage locker this weekend, I'll look for it!

Yes, my sister was as cruel and remorseless as The Alien.

I was excited by the moon discoveries. More fun places to visit.

That's the best one I've read, in the entirety of this thread.

Because this applies to me too.

You might be an aspie if the definition of Bohemian matches your personality.

You might be an aspie if your idea of kicking off the weekend is doing your computer programing homework, and then are bummed because it is finished and you want to spend more time working on a programing project.

What is stopping you?

attempting to decrease my obsession with java. I have another computer language that I am trying to get into, and have a prospect for a paying job in this other language. But I still want to work in that language.

you've memorized since the age of 8 that 99 x 99 is 9801

YMBAA if you can delete three quarters of your spam e-mails because it has "DEAR FRIEND" in the subject space and you don't have any dear friends.

If you discover that several charactors in Cormac McCarthy novel are autisic or have AS.

You are interested in books,sci-fi,history,etc.

Your co-workers do not understand you POV (Point of View) on various things.

You try to understand you co-workers interest , and they don't understand yours.

Your favorite places are hobby stores, book stores, etc.

' you might be a aspi if you'de rather look into the sunt han into someoes eys'... defently ture

ok some of my own:

...you apsolutly refuse to go to locle shoping centure, espeshally on at saturday.
...you don't get the slitest bit bord by reading the same book over and over and everyone thinks your mad becouse its the dictionary
...you desparently what a friends but have no idea how to make friends
...evryone one around you is laphying at a joke that no matter how hard ou try you can't understand