Women who have aspergers: A non-issue for them

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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31 Oct 2010, 10:52 pm

Chronos wrote:
Kiseki wrote:
One of my friends is pretty heavy (maybe size 18-20) and she is the life of the party! Everyone loves her, especially guys. The reason is cuz she is fun and she likes herself.


I wish I had realized this when I was heavier. If it is any consolation to anyone, there was a 5'3, 300 guy at my school who, in hindsight, reminds me of a short Shrek, and girls were just crazy about him. *shrug*

But it is possible to lose a large quantity of weight unless you have an eating disorder.


I assume you meant it's not possible to lose a lot of weight unless you have an eating disorder. I have to disagree. I got pretty heavy on birth control, and as soon as I stopped it the weight started dropping off.


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31 Oct 2010, 11:06 pm

Chronos wrote:
Kiseki wrote:
One of my friends is pretty heavy (maybe size 18-20) and she is the life of the party! Everyone loves her, especially guys. The reason is cuz she is fun and she likes herself.


I wish I had realized this when I was heavier. If it is any consolation to anyone, there was a 5'3, 300 guy at my school who, in hindsight, reminds me of a short Shrek, and girls were just crazy about him. *shrug*

But it is possible to lose a large quantity of weight unless you have an eating disorder.


Well, my friend is really pretty but I do believe confidence is key. I am not skinny- size 10/12- bigger than all of my friends, but guys like to talk with me cuz I'm open and funny. I didn't use to be this way and there was a big difference.



Chronos
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31 Oct 2010, 11:41 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
Chronos wrote:
Kiseki wrote:
One of my friends is pretty heavy (maybe size 18-20) and she is the life of the party! Everyone loves her, especially guys. The reason is cuz she is fun and she likes herself.


I wish I had realized this when I was heavier. If it is any consolation to anyone, there was a 5'3, 300 guy at my school who, in hindsight, reminds me of a short Shrek, and girls were just crazy about him. *shrug*

But it is possible to lose a large quantity of weight unless you have an eating disorder.


I assume you meant it's not possible to lose a lot of weight unless you have an eating disorder. I have to disagree. I got pretty heavy on birth control, and as soon as I stopped it the weight started dropping off.


I meant that it IS possible.



TheDoctor82
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31 Oct 2010, 11:42 pm

Like I always say...don't obsess over what you can't control, instead focus on making the best of what you can.

You were dealt cards in life; use them to your advantage, as difficult as that can sometimes seem.



Last edited by TheDoctor82 on 01 Nov 2010, 1:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

TeaEarlGreyHot
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31 Oct 2010, 11:49 pm

Chronos wrote:

I meant that it IS possible.


Then disregard my previous post. lol


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Aud
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08 Dec 2012, 7:09 pm

[Moderator's Note:

I've placed this note in here to explain some of the following comments that may look confusing as I have deleted Aud's orginal post here and placed it in it's own thread. No rules were broken.

This reply was mistakenly posted in this thread, intended to be a reply to a different thread, however the topic of this reply was unrelated to this thread, thus I've removed it from this thread and placed it elsewhere. As a result of this reply however, this thread was resurrected. As this thread apparently took on new life since being resurrected, and all following posts are on topic, we're leaving it up.

MrXxx.]



Last edited by Aud on 08 Dec 2012, 7:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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08 Dec 2012, 7:15 pm

johnnydangerous wrote:
I am a handsome, in shape man who is 33 years old. But because I have aspergers, I am alone.

But if you're a pretty woman with aspergers, it just doesn't matter. In fact men might even like you MORE because of it.

I find this to be so unfair, and so cruel, to the men who have aspergers. There is an old aspie joke that says "whats the difference between an aspie male and an aspie female? answer: the aspie female is married".

How do you cope with the fact that you'll be alone the rest of your life? I'm having a hard time accepting. EVERY WOMAN treats me like I'm the plauge' and I'm so sick of it. They approach me because of my looks, flirt a little, then realize "oh hes different, I dont like him anymore".

I dont even try anymore. Its such a losing battle, and in the end it just brings more and more pain.

You read these websites on how to pick up girls. You have to be the fuggin' "alpha male" b.s. because God forbid you are like me, women just wont like you.

I really have contemplated suicide over this. I'm sick of being alone. Here I am a handsome in shape caring guy, and Im all alone. This world is so fugged up. I dont even want to live anymore. I cant wait for death.


I am female and as far as I can tell it does matter, I've had a couple relationships here and there but nothing that lasted. I am 23 and I don't think I am going to be getting married any time soon if at all...hell I've never even had a boyfriend for over a few months. Yeah I don't find guys liking me more especially the more 'normal' they are.

Sure it sucks not being able to find a lasting relationship, but its not something females with AS are immune to.


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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 08 Dec 2012, 7:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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08 Dec 2012, 7:26 pm

Erisad wrote:
What about the fat Aspie women who aren't attractive? We can't get a man either. We're viewed as genderless and therefore, not worth a man's time. I can't even get a date from online dating sites because they act all interested and when we have a date set up, they wait until the last minute to cancel. People will say, "ohhh, why can't you get a boyfriend?" and I tell them that I'm not pretty enough to outweigh my AS. So I'm an ugly socially awkward girl, which means I'm male-repellant. People tell me to be positive but how can I when I'm always alone. I cry myself to sleep at night thinking that no one will ever love me, I'll never get married and have kids like I've dreamed of since I was 5. So it's not just you guys who have it rough, okay? :/


Wooooow. I almost didn't recognize that this post was from me 2 years ago. Well, I'm now dating a very nice fella for almost a year and a half and we're talking about spending our lives together. I guess things really do get better when you let them. I've also lost over 80 pounds and feeling better about life. Hooray. :)



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08 Dec 2012, 8:13 pm

Any advice on how to actually find genuine woman out there?

My communities are crap and I rarely have time to go out by myself due to anxiety issues....

Random meeting ups and stuff don't work with me as I feel very un-co-operative due to the forced meetings. :cry:


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08 Dec 2012, 8:21 pm

CrazyStarlightRedux wrote:
Any advice on how to actually find genuine woman out there?

My communities are crap and I rarely have time to go out by myself due to anxiety issues....

Random meeting ups and stuff don't work with me as I feel very un-co-operative due to the forced meetings. :cry:


Try these fora:

Love & Dating: http://www.wrongplanet.net/forum6.html

Social Skills and Making Friends: http://www.wrongplanet.net/forum7.html



Nonperson
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08 Dec 2012, 10:35 pm

You might be right if life only consisted of finding a sexual partner. Can't speak for others, but being abused and ostracized by other women all my life has been pretty traumatic, as has living in an environment I just fundamentally can't understand or cope with and being unable to drive or work even though I'm an ambitious, creative person by nature.
Yeah, I can find people to sleep with. I'd gladly trade that for an easier and fuller life, tbh.



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08 Dec 2012, 10:53 pm

johnnydangerous wrote:
I am a handsome, in shape man who is 33 years old. But because I have aspergers, I am alone.

But if you're a pretty woman with aspergers, it just doesn't matter. In fact men might even like you MORE because of it.

I find this to be so unfair, and so cruel, to the men who have aspergers. There is an old aspie joke that says "whats the difference between an aspie male and an aspie female? answer: the aspie female is married".

How do you cope with the fact that you'll be alone the rest of your life? I'm having a hard time accepting. EVERY WOMAN treats me like I'm the plauge' and I'm so sick of it. They approach me because of my looks, flirt a little, then realize "oh hes different, I dont like him anymore".

I dont even try anymore. Its such a losing battle, and in the end it just brings more and more pain.

You read these websites on how to pick up girls. You have to be the fuggin' "alpha male" b.s. because God forbid you are like me, women just wont like you.

I really have contemplated suicide over this. I'm sick of being alone. Here I am a handsome in shape caring guy, and Im all alone. This world is so fugged up. I dont even want to live anymore. I cant wait for death.


First off, don't go after the NT girls. Find yourself a good Aspie girl who has similar special interests.

I met my current hubby online on a forum focused on Ancient History back in '98. He moved here 6 months later, and we married in spring of '99. We've been together ever since. He tends to focus on military history, my interest is in social/technological history (did you know that ancient Romans didn't use cats for vermin control? They used ferrets).


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08 Dec 2012, 10:57 pm

CrazyStarlightRedux wrote:
Any advice on how to actually find genuine woman out there?

My communities are crap and I rarely have time to go out by myself due to anxiety issues....

Random meeting ups and stuff don't work with me as I feel very un-co-operative due to the forced meetings. :cry:


Pursue your special interests in as social a setting as you can. Look around for a good Aspie/Autie girl who seems to be on about the same point of the spectrum as you, and who shares your interests.

Take it slow. be friends first -- Friendship is the best foundation for anything that may follow.


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If it don't come easy . . . .
. . . .hack it until it works right :-)

Aspie score: 142/200 NT score: 64/200
AQ Score: 42
BAP: 109 aloof, 94 rigid and 85 pragmatic


Kairi96
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09 Dec 2012, 5:36 am

You shouldn't generalize. I have the "male" form of AS, and not the "female" form like many other aspie girls, that usually "fit in" better then boys with AS, and are considered "cute". I have a lot of troubles fitting in, I have very few friends, there are no boys who like me (though I don't care about it), and no one says I am "cute". In fact, people tend to see me as a scary, little psychopath. Not every girl with AS has the "female" form of the disorder. In fact, I bet that there are a lot of girls and woman with AS that cannot "fit in" and have the "male" form of the condition just like me.


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Noetic
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09 Dec 2012, 5:59 am

Erisad wrote:
Erisad wrote:
What about the fat Aspie women who aren't attractive? We can't get a man either. We're viewed as genderless and therefore, not worth a man's time. I can't even get a date from online dating sites because they act all interested and when we have a date set up, they wait until the last minute to cancel. People will say, "ohhh, why can't you get a boyfriend?" and I tell them that I'm not pretty enough to outweigh my AS. So I'm an ugly socially awkward girl, which means I'm male-repellant. People tell me to be positive but how can I when I'm always alone. I cry myself to sleep at night thinking that no one will ever love me, I'll never get married and have kids like I've dreamed of since I was 5. So it's not just you guys who have it rough, okay? :/


Wooooow. I almost didn't recognize that this post was from me 2 years ago. Well, I'm now dating a very nice fella for almost a year and a half and we're talking about spending our lives together. I guess things really do get better when you let them. I've also lost over 80 pounds and feeling better about life. Hooray. :)

That's great news :)



fluffypinkyellow
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09 Dec 2012, 6:25 am

I am a woman with Asperger's. It is amazingly dismissive and sexist to say it is a non-issue for me.