20 May 2011, 1:59 am
wavefreak58 wrote:
kfisherx wrote:
For some reason the "experts" all listened to me and this week my kiddo (so far) has had ZERO meltdowns in school. Before this change he was averaging 4-5 a week.
This is very cool ...
Thanks. If he makes it through his 1 class tomorrow, I get to send a "told ya so" note to all of the people who disbelieved him, tried to make him NT, called him names such as "spoiled" and said his meltdowns were "temper tantrum" etc... I am certain he will do it and am looking forward to hitting the send button on that mail. Man, I am soooo looking forward to it!
Verdandi
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20 May 2011, 2:21 am
20 May 2011, 9:02 am
Verdandi wrote:
Oh, the friendly teasing thing......
I have never managed to get this down perfectly. I am not even sure what would happen in a pretend session. I don't think I could pretend to banter with someone I don't know that well, and I am not sure I could avoid taking it personally.
I think what you're doing with your little is pretty amazing. I don't think I have ever heard of anyone getting accommodations like those you've argued for. It sounds like you're making some interesting waves.
I have never managed to get this down perfectly. I am not even sure what would happen in a pretend session. I don't think I could pretend to banter with someone I don't know that well, and I am not sure I could avoid taking it personally.
I think what you're doing with your little is pretty amazing. I don't think I have ever heard of anyone getting accommodations like those you've argued for. It sounds like you're making some interesting waves.
I don't remember having many issues with pretend teasing. I was born into this huge family and my Uncles loved me (only niece for a long while) and would pick on my endlessly. My family is all about the friendly banter and I was pretty good at it. Now, I too tend to go too far with it and got into all sorts of trouble with it throughout my life. I think I learned to balance it somewhere in my 30s.
I learned that I cannot do the "pretend" thing that well.
Now I know why I hate role playing games so much at work. They are really, really hard for me.
WRT the IEP. I advocated for some really weird/ bizarre changes for this kid and challenged the core tenets of their beliefs about him and ASD. I went to two different meetings and presented to the principals and district special ed manager, school shrinks, teachers etc... At the end of it I got everything I asked for 100% as I asked for it. They all shook my hand and thanked me for the talk and a few stated that I should right a book.
Weird experience but am happy. I am especially happy that my kiddo is doing so well. I have 3 other kids lined up to meet me and to work with right now. I could make a living doing this I think...
20 May 2011, 9:24 am
20 May 2011, 10:28 am
wavefreak58 wrote:
My experience with 'friendly teasing' seems a bit different. I can't easily tell when someone is being nasty or just joking around. For some reason, I mostly assume they are joking around, so there have been many times I realize later I was being maliciously mocked. It's only when there is blatant animosity in tone of voice or expression that I can tell if a person is getting nasty.
Now that you mention it.... I am so socially not able to understand people and I claim that I haven't been really bullied but there is a LOT of friendly teasing.... Makes the mind go, "hmmmmmm...."
Dude, I am soooooooo socially blind. The more I am in these sessions the more I understand the depths of what I do not know.
20 May 2011, 11:04 am
20 May 2011, 1:34 pm
swbluto
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20 May 2011, 2:32 pm
Verdandi wrote:
But I have other issues, like people warping my name into other words
You're not thinking of the time I accidentally typed verdandia, are you?
swbluto
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20 May 2011, 2:36 pm
kfisherx wrote:
wavefreak58 wrote:
My experience with 'friendly teasing' seems a bit different. I can't easily tell when someone is being nasty or just joking around. For some reason, I mostly assume they are joking around, so there have been many times I realize later I was being maliciously mocked. It's only when there is blatant animosity in tone of voice or expression that I can tell if a person is getting nasty.
Now that you mention it.... I am so socially not able to understand people and I claim that I haven't been really bullied but there is a LOT of friendly teasing.... Makes the mind go, "hmmmmmm...." Dude, I am soooooooo socially blind. The more I am in these sessions the more I understand the depths of what I do not know.
Mainly it depends on their "friendliness" relation to you (And the status of the relationship 'should' be mutually apparent), their tonality, the subject and the way they word things.
Basically, if they're a good friend and the tone isn't derisive (A derisive tone is associated with a lowered pitch and increased volume towards the end of the sentence, while joking around is marked by a heightened pitch towards the end.), it's just "joking around", the vast majority of the time.
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20 May 2011, 3:00 pm
Verdandi
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20 May 2011, 3:01 pm
swbluto wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
But I have other issues, like people warping my name into other words
You're not thinking of the time I accidentally typed verdandia, are you?
No, I mean my actual name.
Verdandi
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20 May 2011, 3:12 pm
kfisherx wrote:
I don't remember having many issues with pretend teasing. I was born into this huge family and my Uncles loved me (only niece for a long while) and would pick on my endlessly. My family is all about the friendly banter and I was pretty good at it. Now, I too tend to go too far with it and got into all sorts of trouble with it throughout my life. I think I learned to balance it somewhere in my 30s.
I meant pretending to tease in your psych's social card game. Or perhaps understanding/accepting the pretend teasing from the psych. I mean I can relate to your reaction.
Quote:
WRT the IEP. I advocated for some really weird/ bizarre changes for this kid and challenged the core tenets of their beliefs about him and ASD. I went to two different meetings and presented to the principals and district special ed manager, school shrinks, teachers etc... At the end of it I got everything I asked for 100% as I asked for it. They all shook my hand and thanked me for the talk and a few stated that I should right a book. Weird experience but am happy. I am especially happy that my kiddo is doing so well. I have 3 other kids lined up to meet me and to work with right now. I could make a living doing this I think...
Weird experience but am happy. I am especially happy that my kiddo is doing so well. I have 3 other kids lined up to meet me and to work with right now. I could make a living doing this I think...They don't sound weird/bizarre. Unusual for NTs to put in place for autistic children, but it might be a very good start to something new, and it seems to me quite needed.
Verdandi
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20 May 2011, 3:19 pm
wavefreak58 wrote:
My experience with 'friendly teasing' seems a bit different. I can't easily tell when someone is being nasty or just joking around. For some reason, I mostly assume they are joking around, so there have been many times I realize later I was being maliciously mocked. It's only when there is blatant animosity in tone of voice or expression that I can tell if a person is getting nasty.
kfisherx wrote:
8O Now that you mention it.... I am so socially not able to understand people and I claim that I haven't been really bullied but there is a LOT of friendly teasing.... Makes the mind go, "hmmmmmm...."
Dude, I am soooooooo socially blind. The more I am in these sessions the more I understand the depths of what I do not know.
Now that you mention it.... I am so socially not able to understand people and I claim that I haven't been really bullied but there is a LOT of friendly teasing.... Makes the mind go, "hmmmmmm...." Dude, I am soooooooo socially blind. The more I am in these sessions the more I understand the depths of what I do not know.
You know, I forget how often someone would come up to me in school and pretend to be friendly and then switch to bullying in an overt, cruel way. Or how many times I was maliciously mocked and didn't realize it until later, or even much later. It's even happened in adulthood - and this is one reason I have some issues around friendly teasing (like my name being warped) is because such teasing typically signaled malicious action, and I can't tell whether the person doing it intends malice or not, just that I know people who did it maliciously, and did it before making it explicit that they had malice in mind.
But I had people who bullied me approach and pretend to be friendly, and I'd believe it at the time and realize later that it involved a joke at my expense. Or people who had never bullied me approach me with something that - if I were not autistic - I think I would have realized was harassment, but I treated it as honest questions/statements, which apparently people got a kick out of given how often this happened.
And I still can't easily detect trolls.
When I first worked out I was autistic, I didn't think I was that socially oblivious. I knew about my social coping mechanisms, and I thought they were a lot more effective than they really were, and I thought that I had a better social understanding than I really do. How does one even establish a frame of reference for understanding these things without picking over them one at a time or by category?
Oh, and then my therapist takes my after the fact analysis of a social situation when I try to explain how I couldn't handle it in real time and tells me "But you figured it out! You've got a handle on social things," and I somehow can't get across that I can analyze it endlessly afterward because I didn't get a result I expected and wanted to know why, but in the moment I had no idea what was going on, or how to react to it in real time.
20 May 2011, 4:09 pm
Verdandi wrote:
And I still can't easily detect trolls.
Let me help. This is what they look like:
swbluto
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20 May 2011, 4:19 pm
wavefreak58 wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
And I still can't easily detect trolls.
Let me help. This is what they look like:
Here's another species of troll.
I joke, I joke.
Verdandi
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20 May 2011, 5:01 pm
wavefreak58 wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
And I still can't easily detect trolls.
Let me help. This is what they look like:
I'm glad you have my back. I'd be lost otherwise.
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