You know you're autistic when...

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I think that's more to do with comorbid like depression or anxiety I've often been asked if I am drunk or stoned and I go out of my way to hide it to

Ha ha yep.

Others can see you are autistic (stimming and making sounds, for example)

You know you're an aspie when:

You're walking along and accidentally bump your left thigh so now have to engineer a similar bump on your right thigh to balance it so you don't keep feeling it.

You're walking along and you notice your left foot seems to step mainly on black squares and your right foot steps mainly on white squares, so now you alter your course so that the opposite happens until your right foot seems to have caught up to your left foot. (why should the left foot get all the fun?)

You didn't quite hear the joke, and certainly did not get it, but you laugh along anyway to fit in, and everyone looks at you strangely, and you spend the rest of the day trying to figure out if you were the butt of it.

Your husband's friends are visiting, and you keep finding excuses to leave the room, and you find you have to brace yourself to come back in, hoping your smile looks relaxed and genuine.

When you drop in to an admin office on the spur of the moment, unannounced, because you hoped the person you need to see might happen to be available, and they are not there, and you knew they might not be, but you still get depressed and feel rejected (because, everyone on the planet is supposed to be where you want them to be, just on the off-chance you suddenly decide to drop in on them)

When you are up to the "C"'s in your music collection and you have to listen to every single album at least once from beginning to end, before you move on to the "D"'s, but because you can listen to them as often as you like while you are on that letter, you wind up listening to your favourites dozens of times because you probably won't hear them again for at least a year. Obviously you can't listen to something from another letter until you get to it.

Several google searches a day? You're Aspiness lets you off lightly. I spend most of my day (including work time and sleep time (it's now 1am)) and night reading, thinking, writing, talking about my Special Interest. I don't think I've stopped thinking about it much at all for the last God knows when but it's what I want to do. It's not taxing. It's relaxing. It's my happy place and I can go there any time I want.

I'll search/read about it if I wake up at 2 or 3am as I've done.

It's been Myna birds for about a year now and Asperger's for a bit less. I wonder if Mynas get Asperger's? Hmmm.... Off to do more research! (just kidding )

You have 2 pairs of earplugs, one what stays right next to your bed and one that generally stays by your computer. The ones by your bed are for if you unintentionally wake up too early and you don't want to lay there listening to your dad getting up making distracting noises, so you put your earplugs in so that you can go back to sleep for another couple of hours. And the ones by your computer are for to use in the day, either when you're on the computer to block out distracting noise from outside your room, or if you need to use them elsewhere in the house. And if you wake up early hours of the morning and discover you had left your earplugs in the kitchen, no more panic because you have the other pair of earplugs by your bed.

When let your 12 year old cut your hair. Who needs a hairdresser? It's not like you can even tell when you only ever wear your hair in a pony tail.

When you are happy someone gave you some shoes they didn't need because now it means you don't have to go buy some. HATE shoe shopping!

When you wear dead plain and simple clothes in a very few colours, so no-one will notice that you have no idea how to colour coordinate, or keep up with fashion, or that you are really wearing the same few items over and over. Black. Navy. Dartk Blue. Beige. Brown. Dark Green. More black.

When you are at the supermarket and they don't have your usual brand, so you spend AGES agonizing over the alternatives, comparing ingredients, and prices, and worrying you won't like it. In the end, it's just not worth the risk.

Me & me.

you prefer adult entertainment not sure if your allowed to use the p word on a thread like this , to a breathing living thing though you wouldn't mind experimenting on a living breathing thing (just once) and than part your ways

I do something similar, only I love to watch cars go through the car wash. I love seeing all of the brushes spinning over the car.

you love Married with Children and despise the Cosby show and it's ilk

I have listened to Breakfast at Tiffany's for that long I think. I keep replaying the last part over and over lol.

you have no friends .

You play dress up doll flash games, and instead of coming up with new outfits, you make the same outfit every single time you play.

You nearly have a panic attack when you leave the house and realize you forgot your stim toy that you use in public.

You play a video game over and over again, getting 100% completion on each playthrough, even though you've done it a million times before.

You keep trusting what strangers tell you, even though you should know from experience not to do that.

that's why I trust no one , it took me like 10 years to trust my gp and my one and only friend.

Yeah, that happened to me a few years ago.

Now, whenever I think something is going well or people are thinking good stuff about me, I think back over my life at how many times I've consistently got it wrong and changed how/what I'm thinking to the opposite.

That way, if you're thinking that people are thinking the worst of you and they actually are, then you turn out to be right.
If you turn out to be wrong, then they must be thinking well of you:

SO

You'll either be right or thought well of - either way, you win (my ancestors are Irish )