Aspergers and victim complex

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Was this directed at me? What are you trying to say here?

I thought a victim complex is where the person percieves themselves to be victimised when in fact they are not.

This does not apply to most people on the spectrum, who are genuinely victimised at school, at work and in many other situations.

Accusing people on the spectrum of playing the victim is a cruel way of deligitimising their struggle.

That being said, even if everybody you know persecutes you, you still to fight for yourself and what is right. Even if the odds are stacked against you, then you still have to fight, for your own sake. If you just give up, then it's you who will lose.

If you are being victimised, and you fight and win, then victory will be much sweeter because of it.

My guess is that was directed at litlebee.

I guess I flew off the handle a little bit.

There was an implication that my contributions were "substandard" in some way and not "up to snuff" because they were not presented in an "intellectual" or "academic" fashion.

I felt offended. I shouldn't have. My job, really, is to increase the quality of my contributions.

I felt myself the Victim here--and that was wrong.

Please accept my apologies.

I was horrifically bullied and abused as a child. The moments that I was not being abused I was living in fear of it. The abuse at school was every day and the abuse at home went far beyond the pale of evil.

I was told that it was my fault, that I was exagerating, and that I MUST have done something to deserve it. I was told "get over it."I was told "it's not as bad as you say it is." I was told "If you tell, it's my word over yours, you stupid ret*d, no one will believe you." i was told "if you tell anyone, I will kill you."

I was in my early fifties before being diagnosed [ and only went for diagnosis on the tiny hope that figuring out what was so strange about me might somehow give a clue as to how to help youngest son with neurological pain [ please dont ask how I thought there could be a connection between the 2. I grasped at anything trying to help him. We spent every time we had and more,, nearly half a million dollars, looking for cures around the world]

With trying to help my son, though I was diagnosed, the only autistics I had any real contact with, were some of my kids and grand kids, and my daycare kids. I read books,but that's about it. [ also, I realize retrospectively, that so many of the homeless we try to help that I "clicked with" and felt a kinship with are probably Autistic.

The first organized group of Autistics I have gotten to know, were people here on WP, which I joined less than a year ago. I was incredulous at how many people had "lived my life." So many, no matter how hard they tried, had been excluded, over and over again. Had said "the dumbest thing in the world" over and over again. Had been sexually abused. Tried so hard but couldn't keep a job. Been taunted. Been physically attacked. Had been ignored. Over and over and over again. So much and so often that it made it hard to ignore that little voice saying, "It's all your fault. You deserve every bit of suffering you got...and more."

Here, on WP, I was able to vent. I was able to share and find others who had gone through similar crap. And guess what? These were some AMAZING people who didn't "ask for it." These were not people who 'didn't try hard enough." These were not people who "deserved what they got." These are people who need to let it out to have any chance of healing enough to be the most amazing Autistic they can be. These are people who need to know that they are not alone and that all the crap is not their fault. These are people who HAVE been de-humanized and should not be expected to "just get over it."

I believe that there are many advantages to early diagnosis of autism. I also believe that there is one huge disadvantage. That would be "learned helplessness." Because of that, I believe that many [most?] Autistics do not believe that by bonding and working together that we can change things enough so that our young people who want to work [or do whatever] can, that those wishing to get married and have kids can, that 96% of our people are no longer being sexually assaulted, that our kids are not being murdered, and that Autistics are not 28 times more likely than non-autistics to plan, attempt,or succeed in attempting suicide.

Acknowledging the de-humanization, and the suffering because of it, is not developing a victim mentality. For changes to be made, the truth of the oppressing must be recognized.

To the OP [who states that she really doesn't get along with other Autistics] I am glad that you have had the support and the abilities to accomplish what you have. I am glad that you have been spared much of the pain that other Autistics have not. There are so many things you could do to be a part of eliminating the pain of so many Autistics [ and fat little girls with red hair and freckles, and other differences] Why, rather than adding to the low self-esteem of so many Autistics, do you not work to help make it better?

Vicky, glad to see you back and hope you are doing better.

For me this thread was not so great, mainly because the topic deflected, though some of the material encouraged me to think more deeply and understand other people's perspectives a little better, but imo dialogue, including your message, even if people disagree with some of the ideas, is actually a very important aspect of raising people's self esteem.

The reason I am writing this is it seems to me you are making a subtle don't-speak injunction,and I think it is much healthier for people to talk about this kind of thing, even if it involves some degree of conflict up to a reasonable point.

Vicky, it's good to see you again.

It's good to be "home."

Vicky, glad to see you back, and thankyou for your post.

You're not getting what I mean at all. That is the description of a real victim, not someone who victimises themselves.

Regarding the bit I bolded. My life has not been easy, I was thumped around, bullied, beaten, assaulted and all that crap. Had a terrible time trying to fit in with people.

Because I get annoyed at people who choose to whine and go on about things they have the capability to fix, does not imply I mean everyone who has ever had a hard time, nor does it mean my life is or has ever been easy. I'm not talking about people who have had difficult lives. I'm talking about people who victimise themselves.

When you see so many threads over the years like "It's the doctor's fault I developed diabetes, not the fact I continuously eat the wrong food", You notice that many of these people are victims of themselves, not victims created by other people.

I really wish people wouldn't come in here and assume I mean them, because they have been victimised by others. I do not mean you.

You shouldn't assume people can fix something just because either you did or it comes easy to you. This kind of thinking happens when people have a lack of perception outside of their own mind and experiences. It can be hard to fathom how someone can't fix something that seems so simple to fix. Also, just because someone has been a victim and overcame a situation does not mean someone else can overcome it. These sorts of assumptions are rampant in the responses. It's akin to saying "If I can do it, you can do it". Note: I'm not saying you have said some of these things. I was just speaking of the overall attitude that tends to come with the assumption that people can fix something. It goes with what I said earlier: Humans like to think they have more control than what they actually have. Victim blaming is a way to reinforce that view and ignore a real problem by asserting the person can fix it, they just choose not to.

I understand what you mean, but it is going on a tangent. It's not about people overcoming things. It's more about people who leech sympathy of others and thrive off it by portraying a victim complex, and while doing so blaming someone or something that's not them, when in fact it is them.

Please stop saying "victim blaming". There is no "victim blaming" here. There are true victims and people with a victim complex.

If I made a thread crying about how no-one likes me on wrongplanet, that would be portraying a MASSIVE victim complex. It's well and truly something in my control.

Sorry for intruding:

Good luck with everything, 12345.

I think there are times when people create a self-fulfilling prophecy for themselves, and create defense mechanisms for themselves as well. This leads to the ASSUMPTION that one will be victimized no matter what--hence, one does not seek to rise from the abyss which their past victimization placed them in. I know this from personal experience.

I'm not stating this is true in all cases; I'm stating it could be true in some.

The Bully wins out in this instance. He/she has effectively stymied progress in the Bullied.

Semantics doesn't always matter; what matters is what results from somebody who feels stymied by the world.

Speculation and the like could assist at times, at times, in ultimately arriving at a solution; research, of course, has its place, and has engendered progress in many fields--but it is not going to bring the person so stymied out of his/her abyss IMMEDIATELY. Only action will--whether it be in the form of therapy, or in the form of the stymied attempting to find ways, through any means necessary, to rise out of the hole others have placed him/her in.

So if someone develops diabetes its their fault for eating the wrong food? I thought it had a largely genetic basis, I am sure diet could play a role in some cases but you would honestly think someone with diabetes is victimizing them self if they don't think of it as something they did to them self?

Also perhaps you were only referring to people who could fix their problems and refuse and constantly whine to get pity....but they way you posted it makes that a bit unclear. First off you called it 'aspergers and the victim complex' like having a victim complex is an aspergers thing, thus seeming to imply you think a majority of people with AS have one or that it exists in aspergers more than other groups. Combine that with the fact many people with aspergers to genuinely struggle and cannot necessarily fix all their problems and what not so it comes off as accusing a lot of people who have been victimized of essentially whining about it too much or telling them to just shut up and deal with it.

Also I notice sometimes there is the trend of people on the internet who don't really know all of someones circumstances...accusing the person of having a victim complex, or refusing to do anything to help them self simply because the person didn't find that posters 'advice' helpful. So I would hope you do not make the mistake of making such assumptions based on such limited information. But the whole thing kind of comes off as though you're calling out people here to essentailly tell them to suck it up and get over it....Not saying this is your intention but its sort of how it came off.

Ok and say someone was getting harrassed on this site by someone and was getting the feeling everyone hates them, and to them this is real and they are genuinely upset about it....I'd say it would depend on what happened, why they feel that way and other such factors would determine if they have a victim complex or not. Its not a good thing to assume someone has a victim complex if they post a long post in the haven about how upset they are about something hoping for some support...especially considering that is what that part of the website is for. Also how would you know its something in their control....I know much of the time when I went to school while not everyone 'hated' me I still was excluded even from those who didn't have hate per say but didn't want to hang out with the kid no one likes. I am not going to think of it as something that was my fault I could have up and changed...aside from becoming a normal kid with more popular intrests which would have been impossible.....believe it or not people do end up in situations where a large majority does not like them and experience bullying/harrassment and its not on them.

I think she means someone who has diabetes and they refuse to eat right after being diagnosed with it. Also if their health was at risk before developing that disease and the doctor had told them what diet to have and what to stick to and they refused, yeah that is what she means also and instead of blaming themselves, they blame the doctor instead because they got diabetic.