wp getting annoying

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My husband told me I do this too and he tells me people have moved on from that topic.

I have this problem too. At the meeting for my group video project at school I could hardly say one word without speaking at the same time as someone else and having them stop and a couple people laugh and look at us until she would say "okay, you go" or just continue and my comments were often either on things they had resolved already and had moved on to something else or completely irrelevant (I misunderstood something they were saying).*EDIT- Then again, I was tuning out during their conversation so in this case it probably just had to do with inattention but yes, I've had the problem of not knowing when it's my turn to speak and of fixating on an old topic when others have moved on.

*Speaking of inattention, this thread has entirely lost its focus.

Last edited by daydreamer84 on 13 Mar 2014, 1:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have gone back to people days, weeks, months later and brought it up again to add my two cents. This is not always welcomed, and learning to resist the impulse was not easy.

Trying to drag a conversation back to that topic during a conversation is frustrating, though, because people really have moved on and often do not want to hear it.

Ja. I sometimes fail to give important information just because I didn't think of it at the time and I often think that it's important and it would give a different impression, so I want to rush back to the person to give that information.

I think this goes back to my framing, flower pot problem. (Flower pot problem is where I give the wrong details and leave out the correct details in spontaneous conversation, causing it to be framed the wrong way, kinda like trying to take a picture of a man standing next to a flower pot and zooming in on him, but once the photo is developed I got the flower pot instead of the man.) It really bit back in 2002 when I got into an accident that I believe was at least partially not my fault and I tried to give the details to the police officer; when I later got the police report, what was written down as my side of the story was completely different from what I had intended to say, and it made me look worse! I lost the case because of that.

I like the flower pot analogy. That's exactly it.

A couple of years ago I nearly got evaluated for psychiatric hospitalization because my attempt to say "no I am not a danger to myself" made the person doing intake think that I was saying "yes I am a danger to myself, but I am not willing to come out and say it."

Oh, I don't do that, too awkward. It only happens in the situation. I was so tempted a few weeks ago to bring something up again to my mother to prove my point and be right by showing her an article about what seven ridiculous things that can make you register as a sex offender so she will see it's not so black and white anymore because not everyone on it has done a crime on a child and my have times changed.

Sorry, I had no idea

I have nothing more to contribute to this discussion, but I'd like to say that all the cat avatars in this thread are amazing.

Yeah, I don't feel awkward when I do things like that. I get frustrated when I can't get my point across or when I've been misunderstood and I try to clear it up. Or... I have information that proves something they said was wrong and I want them to be informed. People, however, don't like to be told they're wrong. Doesn't turn out well for me.

I just want to bring this back to the thing about returning to the topic that others have moved on from. This happens to me all the time and it's frustrating because I can recognize it, but the need to say the thing I have been holding is a kind of internal pressure that wants release.

It some often happens that I am waiting for a break in the conversation so I can add my thought, and while I am doing this they shift topics! So frustrating!

I like the cat avatars, too.

Staying on the topic one is deeply interested in is an important thing. If there is an inner question there, then do not leave that topic, even if it means not speaking for a while and just thinking about it, but when there is no question, then I suggest to consider leaving that topic and finding a question, as this is the way the mind develops, by having a question, and every moment is precious.

(For those who like a short message, I have just given one, and now for those who may be interested in processing a little more material, I will go on.):

As far as speaking goes, sometimes it is good to speak and release the energy, as if one does not do so it could be harmful to oneself and/or others, but at other times it is best not to speak and to contain the energy, as this can be used for transformation of the mind.. If everything is just let out, it can leak the force.

It is my observation that often people change topics to avoid facing an unpleasant fact. To stay with something that brings up kind of painful feelings in oneself can be difficult. I would call it work.

An example of unnecessary talking:::((Personally I am a talker. For me talking has always released tension, and I could be found telling a stranger on the bus or a customer the most personal information because doing so released pressure. I had to really work and even suffer to change that habit. I talked to my customers a lot about things such as my special interest or personal problems which were not related to the purchase they were trying to make, and they were kind of held captive if they were in the middle of trying to complete a transaction, but I didn't care, as I needed to release the energy. Needless to say, this affected my business. Now I no longer do that. Many lonely and lost people come to my stand, people with cancer (quite common), homeless people, lonely people who live in nearby hotels for transients, schizophrenics, and I just listen to them as long as I do not have a customer, whereas in the past I would even try to tell these people my own problems)).

If people do not completely address a topic, much like not completely processing a trauma, it will keep springing up over and over again within themselves, though of course, because so many new people keep coming here, certain topics will be repeated, and the people who have already reached some kind of understanding can add a force and a focus to these discussions if they care to participate from that angle, but on many of these threads on WP I see a lot of moving away from important topics into kind of small talk or smallish talk, more of a pastime rather than enquiry around a focus with a dedication to maintaining that focus. You can feel the change of energy, or at least I can. It is interesting the way this thread has kind of wound up and then unraveled tension-wise around concentration on ideas and then letting go of that concentration by turning to, it seems, almost anything. and this, which I see as avoidance of certain idea content, though others may experience it as social bonding, is fascinating.

The ideal would be to consciously combine the force of attention with the substance of bonding, but that is not so easy to do. When one starts focusing intently on ideas that connect to ones special interest, other people can find this annoying as it takes away from their own special interest. (By the way, I find the word "annoying" kind of annoying:-) So then conflict arises, which breaks down the substance of bonding.

One solution is to have a group question, and it could almost be any question, as all roads lead to Rome in this sense,, and then. by ones own dedication and attention to finding an answer to that question or a resolution to a particular problem, support the development of that quality of focus in oneself as well as others. I used to be a teacher and have observed that when children are looking at a beautiful leaf or a strange insect together, so in the discovery mode, there is no conflict. They are engaged. Totally fascinating and joyful to observe!

Or when you can't get your point across and you just keep going and going and going and can't stop because you want to get it across and do't know how to disengage when you want to make the person understand because there's this idea that's so clear in your head, and you want them to be informed and its upsetting for them not to understand, and its even more upsetting that you're not being able to explain it clearly, especially when you are aware that you're not doing it as well as you want to...

(generic you)

I do that so badly.

Also, cat avatars (including large cats, not only housecats, taking over )

I do that. Online and off.

It's easier to do online, though.

I don't have a cat avatar any more, but my real cat is staring at me. Does that count?

I think what you guys are describing is so Aspie. Some people here are really good at not doing it though, I started a thread once asking them their secret, but didn't get many responses. It's very difficult.

I get in much more trouble doing this offline than online but I'm trying to stop altogether.This happens a lot when I argue with my sister, she likes to make a point in a heated argument and then change the subject immediately afterward which drives me mad.*Edit- Well, it seems like an unfairly abrupt topic change to me but my mum says that I've usually been going on and on for too long anyway and pushing my point too much. It's very hard for me to stop myself sometimes, there's an overwhelming urge to keep going on and make one more point. My mind's stuck on it. I'm trying to stop doing this though because it's exhausting and not everyone will listen to logic, people will often just persist in believing what they want or what is convenient for them to believe . Some people will even start attacking you personally or will feel attacked when you're not intending to attack them.......exhausting and not worth it.