Report about successes for getting rid of ASD problems

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Customs will vary from one country to the next. We have a friend who was from the Philippines. But we have to watch what we say around her. She is the type that whenever someone compliment anything she has, she will give it to them as a gift. Someone complimented her on her light fixture in the ceiling and she went and disconnected the wiring and removed the fixture from the ceiling and gave it to them right on the spot. This was a generous act but sometimes gift giving can be too generous.

I guess I understand "Thank You" cards and "Thinking of You" cards. I understand flowers. I give those to my wife all the time especially beautiful red roses.

The brain is able to learn even the emotional part. If you learn something new it even generates new neurons in the related regions. And for this it's like for anything else. To learn math you have to do math. To learn to read body language you have to do it. To learn to feel emotions you have to do to feel them. To learn empathy you need to do it. Simple? Yes and no. Yes because you know what you have to do now. No because there are some additional pitfalls. Once I tryed to feel more emotions towards other people I found myself to shutdown any emotions as soon as other people come near to me. It's an emotional self-protection issue for not getting emotional hurt by other people and may be the root cause of my problems and may be the one for several others.

If it comes to women the things get awkward. Shutting down emotions towards others keep also away from feeling attracted. This tells women that you don't really feel attracted even if you totally like them. On the opposite if a woman feels you being attracted to her she feels attracted herself to you. Otherwise she needs a really crush on you before to do so.

What is the way to go now? Learn to read body language and learn to feel much more emotions. Try to recognise emotions in body language and verbal language. Start to feel empathy.
For reading body language you should watch and guess how they feel and what they want to do. Try to imaginary take their position. Ask yourself what the reasons are to use that body posture and movements as the other one does. Get used to it and do it always and anywhere. You'll become trained and better over the time and you'll recognise more and more subtle details. Try it especially on places where people are much emotional. Discos, bars, festivals aso.

Try to read facial expressions of other people as well. Be aware to that you always should have a good mood if doing so. Try a smile and a kind of feeling happy for them if you look into the eyes of other people. The problem why Aspergers don't use eye contact is that we always experienced aggression once we did because looking emotionless in somebodies eyes is recognised by NT people as pure aggression. (Why does he looks such ice cold and emotionless?) If it comes to me I always thought for looking in other peoples eyes as a kind of a pure agression. And once I was young I never looked girls into their eyes because I didn't want to scare them and the girls treated it as me not being honest and didn't liked me because of that. And I didn't even knew whats wrong with me. Because of this I had really bad position and I wish somebody had told me.

How to learn to have emotions? Be aware that you may shut down emotions near other people. Once you are alone try to feel the impressions of the environment. Nice things like as your bed, nice clothing, flowers, pictures aso. Train it. Try to keep feeling emotions once people that you know get near to you and guess the emotions of other people. Try to guess the emotions of other people also while reading their body language. You can even use videos on youtube or the TV for that because the people there are distant and not near to you and can't harm you. Try always to stop yourself suppressing emotions.

Once you are able to read the body language and emotions of other people you are also getting more and more a clue their brain works and get more and more an idea whats possibly wrong with them. People may even begin to look emotional trivial to you.

A sample. I was on a autism meeting a month ago. One guy always did strange unconscious movements because he feels always unsure near to other people. The movement were just defense moves of toddlers. For me it was very clear that he was beaten once he was small. His selfdefense movements saved him a bit and he started doing them unconsciously until now once he is near to other people. This makes him looking awkward and strange and causes other people to refuse him. He has no problems if it comes to empathy. All he needs is sombody who teaches him self confidence and who stops him hard once he tries to show this movements. Why didn't ever somebody help him with that?

That's quite all. I hope this thread becomes the longest and most successful thread here as soon as possible.

These are excellent points. Just have to remember not to strain ourselves to breaking point- and blame ourselves on failures-

there is only so much one person can do- the other side also has to bridge the gap!

I know i cannot connect to ppl i like on a social level to their happiness/satisfaction-

Why do you think so? I would think all you need for this is a smile and a little more self-confidence. As far as I could read you don't even know your own problems. Maybe you could ask a girl friend what she thinks that it is strange on you. You need to know your problems first to handle them right.

Writing ventriloquist scripts based on real situations helps in both the sharing and writing process.


Still too old to know it all.

The problem why Aspergers don't use eye contact is that we always experienced aggression once we did because looking emotionless in somebodies eyes is recognised by NT people as pure aggression.

I know i cannot connect to ppl i like on a social level to their happiness/satisfaction-

Why do you think so? I would think all you need for this is a smile and a little more self-confidence.

All of us have different problems and there are at least five different main groups of problems and all of them have quite different root causes.

But why do I feel like the only one who is interested in finding and grouping the problems and to cure them with the right mental training afterwards instead of dealing in kinky ways with the consequences only?

The brain is able to learn and to improve even the emotional part. Better than dealing with ASD problems is to get over them. Why do all the people give up so easily? Just because some shrinks told them to do so?

I have a very different kind of problem with eye contact. I have extreme difficulty multitasking between the conversation itself and paying any attention at all to any visual stimuli. I can make brief eye contact at the very beginning of a conversation, but then, once the conversation gets going, I have no idea what my eyes might appear to be looking at; I might as well be blind. For that same reason, it is extremely difficult for me to pay any attention at all to body language.

I'm glad that this has worked for you and other people. I have had lots of different types of therapy over many years - none of it has helped me at all.

Would you think lots of different types of therapy would improve your skills in math or Russian? You have to learn the right things to improve. The problem is to find the best way to learn the right things and not how to mask your problems only.

I don't see how this makes sense - CBT is supposed to help you find new ways to overcome obstacles, for example.