Social Skills Training for Adults

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Wow, can't keep up with my own log some days. LOL!

HERE is where I am really, really in trouble. I check out of the conversation by default. Today when he stopped the conversation to tell me that perhaps I should ask a question about one of the places he traveled to I had to ask him what those places where again. Thinking back on it, I do that a LOT to him in our conversations. I just cannot track them because I sooooooo don't listen to what he is saying. Instead I am either on another planet or I am trying to comprehend all the pieces of the game. Most of the time the later as I am aware that I am paying to be there. I just cannot make my brain rewire and CARE about his small talk... I really am trying to be "good" in these sessions...

Okay now here is where I might come off a bit weird even for you guys... I remember people by objects NOT specific incidents and especially not by conversations... That is not true of people in my "friend" circle. Those people I will remember great details RE our conversations. But this doctor is not in my friend circle and I remember him as WATER water flowing... Like a stream. He presented himself to me as that on our first visit. Almost every person I meet turns into an object (usually of nature) if I meet them again I will see this object over a person.... Strangers and random people like the kid in the grocery store are not even worthy of objects to me usually and rarely even come into my conscious thought or presence. IOW: I simply ignore them.

EUREKA!! THAT'S it!! ! That is how to put Language to my "sensing" column in my relationship model. Whooo hoo. It is how people present themselves as objects. Okay.. Now Imma off to write those slides. This is going to be a fascinating NT versus AS presentation coming up. You guys all get free tickets. I will WILL CALL any WP member.

Okay so back on topic... He started the sessions off with topics in my special interest and I struggle actually harder with those because I cannot appropriately up-level the conversation or I tend to monologue. I think I do better on this non-interesting topics but I have a really hard time with checking out... Not sure what to do about that. I have been spending 47 years of my life in my "happy place" when amongst these earthlings... Not sure that is "fixable"

A couple of very interesting points (AKA things I have thought about since the session)

1. I feel like I am teetering right now on the edge of crashing. I see myself carrying plates and those plates falling. I think I have maxed out on what I can learn for awhile and I really need to be patient with all of this and let it absorb and grow... In other words it is time for great caution.

2. I am wondering if my inability to do small talk and ask about other people is part of the reason why I feel so disconnected from my parents. If that doctor had asked me to come up with people files for my Mother I do not think I could do it.

3. Finally on a funny (Looking back on it) but not so funny note. I asked the Dr, after his comment about me being rude a lot, if he would be so kind as to let me know when I made rude mistakes. He told me that he is using judgment about that and dealing with other things instead. My AS housemate and I just had a giggle about how bad someone has to be when being RUDE is not the first priority.

Okay.... Those are my first things to work through this week.

T-4 hours.... I have been looking at the sheet of paper that the doctor handed me last week and just fuming over it. I am pissed off as hell about it. I cannot Language yet exactly why I am, but I am really mad. I have emailed him to ask that we do something else this week. I am afraid to go down this road with him right now. I might kill him or be rude again. I realize that it is irrational. He is giving me exactly what I am paying him to give me. He is being respectful and doing a good job. And yet, I want to strangle him and his social rules. Irrational doesn't mean it isn't real. I need to figure out this anger before I can move forward.

I knew I was close to an edge last week. I just wasn't sure what that edge was. Still am not.

Should be an interesting session.

On another note (up one), I had a very lucid past two days. As lucid as any I have had since my Father's death. I was connecting to people on the streets and noticing them. One guy even smiled at me and he had beautiful blue eyes (I looked at his eyes) . I haven't been able to see strangers on the street for 10 months. This ties to my social skills work to some degree and I was thinking about this on my evening walk with my schnauzer. I don't think you can "fake" this stuff. When I try to fake it, I fail. I have to somehow reach down and actually bring myself to "care" about the person to whom I am talking. Not "care" like a friend but somehow acknowledge them as people with feelings. Obviously I know they are all people with feelings but I cannot spare the energy to care about them... THAT is perhaps what I am mad about. Idk... much thinking to do.

I also had 2 hours to blow as my Volvo was getting waxed so walked into the mall area and was able to go into the electronic store without earplugs. It was annoying but I could actually handle being in there without a huge amount of tension. This is pretty good news to me. It means that I am not permanently stuck with my increased symptoms. At least that is what I hope it means.

Whoa... Amazing cool session...

I stalled him earlier this week by telling him that I wanted to go over "functioning" levels in ASD. He had mentioned Winner's PDF (which I find pretty good actually) in my last week's meeting so I assigned him the task of putting me in one of her boxes. He actually came prepared to do that.

http://www.socialthinking.com/images/st ... .26.10.pdf

Interesting thing is that he put me squarely in the ESC category which is the same "box" that Michelle (author) puts Temple Grandin. Okay so that is sort of freaky. But overall not suprising as I had put myself in that category as well when I first discovered this eons ago. The only problem I have with it is that the prognosis for this group category is so poor. (Guarded living...) He told me that Michelle calls Temple and outlier and he would class me in the same way.. Huh... Go figure. It is starting to make sense to me now why everyone keeps telling me that I remind them of her. I think she is WAAAAAAY more affected than me and she certainly was as a child. I spoke rather early and did not have issues with meltdowns. I did shutdown but nobody cared about that. In any case, I was not recommend to be institutionalized like she.

It was sort of cool to go over the ESC Profile and look at all his notes as to things he noticed. He also was able to explain some of the things to me such as "narrative talk" and how NTs do that somewhat naturally whereas I do not do it at all. LOL!

He did get me to talk about my anger over his paper and I think I made a really cool breakthrough but am not yet ready to talk about it. I think this is really, really big but until I figure out how to re-arrange the thoughts (find the words) I cannot properly explain it. When I left, he did understand from where my anger came and I was exhausted from holding back a meltdown and from finding the words.

All in all a good session even though I stalled the whole social skills thing for awhile. I have a hill to climb before I can get back to it.

What does "narrative talk" mean in this context?

Not to pick that out - I'll have a more substantial reply later.

That's interesting. I'm trying to think about whether I do that, and I don't think so:

I tend to find that I go into a lot of detail when I tell people things, and then they just kind of go "...okay" and change the subject or try to vague things up a lot. I can't imagine sharing information like that unless it was directly relevant to something like discussing where to have lunch. I know other people do this, and I just want them to stop telling me random things so we can talk about something interesting and relevant.

I keep finding myself pulled back to one question... is THIS left brain/'male' brained AS? I'm very interested in the differnces in the hemispheres of the brain - thanks my lefthandedness. I have always described myself as so left handed I should be disabled. Funny, in a not so funny way, that I was probably right.

I understand narrative talk. I wouldn't be able to write fiction if I didn't. Many times I get lost in the details but I know a 'story' needs to go from A to B to C. I can do it well in print. I take the long way around in conversation though. It's also embarrassing when you lose sight of your point half way through your narrative too. Verbal conversation needs the equivilent of spell check...

In general, I am so not left brained, and therefore not the 'stereotypical' Aspie that I'm not even sure I could find someone to understand my difficulties. I read the article you linked and I place myself firmly as a WISC. It was kind of chilling to read that description actually. And kind of depressing. It actually confirmed my worse fear - I probably can't be diagnosed.

I'm kind of chuckling at the Temple Grandin comparison. Come on now... you know every Aspie/ASD is different! And, of course, he could be off by a matter of degrees. I know Temple has this magic aura around her in the professional community. Even they are subject to a bit of starstruck-ness. After many many years of working around and with people, Temple is at the level that you are now entering the same social arena at. I'm not sure that puts you 'on the same level' by any means.

And since Verdandi brought up 'discussing something relevent...'; I used to abhor gossip in highschool... and college. It was pointless (and still is really). I developed a taste for it during my time at small local community paper - the owner and main writer was, understandably so, a gossip hound. She would go on for hours as we sat together cursing out her ultra slow Adobe pagemaker as we laid out the paper. I could have cared less about the people and events and places she was blathering about BUT I was fascinated by why SHE was so interested in it. I found myself asking her to dish on the drivel just so I could pull apart her completely engrossed, all encompassing fascination with - nothing. It stuck. I still ask people what they've heard or prompt them for gossipy details just to see WHICH details stick with whom. It really does give you some good insight into their psyche.

I really should have dual majored in college - psychiatry/sociology.

Anyway - that is vaguely relevent because following someone elses conversation - when you look at it from the clinical perspective it makes things like 'narrative talk' much clearer. I know finding that way to CARE enough to bother following a conversation is a challenge in and of itself - but I think once you find the right motivation, it will all kind of click into place. You have been having quite a few ah-ha moments in the past few weeks. Your progress seems fairly quick to me! So - very curious about the new breakthrough!

Oh - and reading materials of choice - if work acquaintences re-gift you with a textbook on 'The Plants of Pennsylvania' (yes - all of them) because they know 'you'd enjoy it more than they would' does that mean you might be an Aspie? I was ecstatic - it is awesome - and it came from someone who was a very very passing in the hallway kind of acquaintance.