"I resign my roles at Autism Speaks" John Robison

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But seriously..all ya folks have to do is show some empathy..to me and the others here..and I will be on my way..to much greener pastures..oh my gOD..much..much greener pastures....

In other words stop personally attacking me..rather than using logic to defeat my points..no matter how complex or confusing they may seem...

Otherwise I will stay here as long as it takes to defend my character and integrity..and others as well...

I agree Verdandi..I agree I'll make a truce if you will....2....

I was stuck in angry reply mode as well. I mean, not to say I wasn't responsible, just, ugh. I don't like when I get stuck in that frame.

Sincerely..OK..friend...

I think that some of the idears and words of autism organizations like asan are not verry merry berry autism friendly, because they are verry merry berry difficult for some people like me to unbersmand, which is what I say when I don't understand.

I am one of the autistic people with crappy social cognition and emotional something something, so I don't unbersmand most of the messages of autism organizations run by autistic people, so I am left out of them in this way of other people knowing and understanding in a group with a group culture, and me not, so I have to try to participate on other people's terms, but I can't, because my social cognition and emotional something something is not high enough for me to be active participant in group and for other people to back and forth with me the way that they can with people who understand, so this is another reason that I want these organizations to have practical branch that I would be good at.

This is a "let it all out"post. I will not "sort" or "grade" it, and I certainly will not edit it.

Upfront, I despise Autism Speaks. Oh, and I acknowledge that they have done some "good things" that make it difficult for those who have not studied the facts to see those of us high functioning autistics who are not appreciating their "wonderfulness" as rabble rousers.

I would like to share a few of my personal experiences to help you understand where I am coming from. I grew up in a grossly dysfunctional, crazily violent, and "entitled" family, filled with malignant narcissisits. My dad physically beat all of us. The others united and made me their scapegoat. Every time something was missing,or something was broken, I was the one blamed and received the beating. It didn't take all that long before I was not only being blamed for things that were accidentally broken by others, but items would be broken deliberately so that my family could watch me being beat anytime they wanted.

Of course it got to the point where my family realized that they did not even have to waste the time to get my dad involved to be a part of their torture. They could do it themselves. I kept trying to be "good enough" [and I was one of those quiet, well behaved autists, trying to be perfect] but I never was. When my brother sexually assaulted me, there was no way that I could tell anyone, because part of the abuse was saying that everything that came out of my mouth was a lie] Later on Saturday, May 6, 1972,, when my 21, 5 months, and 2 week old brother raped a little 13 year old girl [looked even younger] in our home, I tried to stop it, but it was as though I was paralzyed. Later, I cleaned up the blood that was all over the bathroom.

on Saturday, I THINK June 3, I was watching a discussion about the Angela Davis trial on television when my sister walked in and turned the television off. She asked if I had heard about Karen and my brother. I told her yes, thinking that she was referring to the rape, but it turned out that it looked like Karen was pregnant. My parents had been wealthy, but my dad basically gave up all of his net worth to pay the family off and keep my brother out of prison.

My mother and sister did not have a clue how much money keeping Kevin out of prison would cost[ it was decades later before I was told] but they knew it was a big chunk of change, and they were angry that "THAT SLUT" who had "SEDUCED" my brother had some of "our" money.

there were only a few days before the summer break and my mom and Kim decided that to get revenge Kim and I were to spread horrible rumors about Karen throughout the school. I refused. My sister came unglued, screaming that she knew I would do this, because I was ALWAYS the family traitor. It didn't matter when I told her that not only did I refuse to cause little Karen more pain, but that if we spread these rumors Karens family might change their mind about not pressing charges. This is my family, what they were and what they are even more today.

i remained the outcast [things became much worse] Their actions were beyond reprehensible. Me? I always struggled to be accepted by them. I do not know why.They would cause me so much pain, so much suffering, BUT they would also give me crumbs, crumbs so that I could in some way convince myself they were not monsters, and crumbs so that they could say "I don't know, to an extent, where Vicky gets her information, but obviously she is lying. Look at the crumbs we gave her."

I am not saying that Autism Speaks, like my family, is beyond evil. I am not saying, that, if there is a devil , that Autism Speaks, just like my sister[ I have told you almost nothing] must be his personal trainer. What I am saying is that, to an extent, they have used the same playbook.

Do what they want, then throw a few crumbs to the "ungrateful brats"[ many of whom they have tortured] who should be thrilled that they get anything.

My 19 year old son, who is an autist, has recently informed me that he hates autistic people. We talked. Part of the reason is those horrible commercials they used to air. My son, for years, [still has problems,less severe now] was passing out from neurological pain hundreds of times a day. The neurologist told us it was the most excruciating pain humanly possible, that my son would almost inevitably eventually take his own life. Well, seeing those commercials were a validation to him that taking his own life would not only relieve his own suffering, but the suffering of those who love him. He was, and still is convinced that Autistics are not worthy of life. [hopefully that will change at the retreat]

Most recently, I watched that horrific torture tape. That was what my son was going through hundress, even thousands of times a day for seven years, except that we were trying to stop it. I v am still incredulous that anyone would deliberately inflict the type of pain that my son has endured intentionally on another child.

Also, by misrepresenting themselves, they are misrepresenting us when they presume to speak for us [or say we don't count] Autism Speaks is huge. That is where people send their money. Just like nice people send their money to the Susan B. Komen foundation [another organization that syphons money away from advanced breast cancer- that's a third of us, folks- to fabricate false statistics all wrapped in a pretty pink ribbon] it prevents people from giving to organizations that could really help in so many ways.

There is so much more I want to say but it is getting more than a little emotional on this side of the keyboard [which does not make my opinion any less valid]

We need to organize. We need to fight. Because of Autism Speaks, we need to fight not only for our piece of pie, and for acceptance, but we need to fight against all of the lies.