I'm about to seek a referral

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Thanks - I was a bag of nerves till it was done. I feel better now, though I doubt that I'll be able to relax completely until I've got my employer to take it seriously - I've heard plenty of horror stories about bosses who try to fob the employee off with nothing. And I hate confrontations.

I was wrong when I said there was nothing about childhood in the interview - I remember now, I did talk about my school days.

Good to hear that it went ok!

Glad to hear the appointment went well.

I tried this once (though wasn't in a marriage) and would recommend finding someone experienced in AS instead. Same for any counselling.

I didn't explain it very clearly - we had a session with a Relate counsellor a while ago, and she turned out to know about AS, got me to do the AQ test during the session, and then recommended that I should seek a referral. So we're going back for a second session on Wednesday, with the same counsellor.

Mind you, I already have some misgivings about this particular counsellor, as she seems a little too glib with some of her assertions, and seems to think that AS is a black-and-white condition in which a lot of the NT spouse's needs are simply out of the question (whereas I see it as a matter of finding these problems out one by one, rather than just throwing in the towel).

But some people are like that, making rather concrete assertions but being happy enough to reconsider them in the light of new ideas and information. And under the circumstances, at least she's unlikely to lecture me on the importance of talking about my feelings as if I were a macho, repressed NT male or something. I'll be evaluating her.

Thanks for your good wishes folks

The referral topic

I am not clear on this (hope I am not being nosy).

Were you actually tested, Tough Diamond?

No, you are not being nosy. Your question is welcome.

I was given a preliminary test which lasted for one hour. The psychologist asked me about 20 questions such as "what were your relationships like, was there any reason they had in common for going wrong?" "how did you get on at school?" and "tell me about your life in the workplace" - I was being encouraged to give fairly long answers.

She said at the end that she's pretty sure I've got AS, but can't be sure until she's done the proper diagnostic procedure. So the preliminary test was just to find out whether it's worth doing the full test, and I'll be going back next week to have that. Meanwhile she's given me some questionnaires to fill in, which are part of the proper diagnosis.

Well, I had the full diagnosis appointment today, and it's positive. Looks like a fairly clear-cut case. Don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Next week I go back to talk about what I'm going to do next.

Good to hear you've been through the process and hope having the result proves a useful and beneficial tool for you. Thanks so much for sharing the process with us all. It's proved very useful and interesting to me, as I'm just starting out on the road to diagnosis.

I've already been to see my GP to seek a referal. The appointment was unfortunately quite inconclusive as he was not able to advise whether there was a specialist in my area who could take this on. It's now a week later, and I am waiting to hear what the next step will be. I'm quite pessimistic - I left the appointment failing to feel convinced that I'd made my case clear enough. We talked very little about symptoms, which I thought was odd. I have seen a councillor previously, which didn't help at all - at least this time he didn't try to refer me back there.

I am also pondering whether to go for a private DX now, so it's interesting to hear your experiences - it certainly sounds like it was a fairly quick process - certainly compared to what it would have been on the NHS.

Congratulations upon diagnosis! I haven't got any further yet with trying to make my employer fund a private diagnosis but in the meantime, I've got a GP appointment soon to ask for an NHS referral. At least this time, I'll be asking specifically for an Asperger referral as the core issue.

Thanks for your kind comments
Sounds like you may need to give your GP a push - or to get somebody to go with you to help you do that. He shouldn't have let the interview end without giving you a clear indication of what he was going to do for you. It might be quicker to ask NHS Direct whether or not there's a NHS specialist in your area. It's possible your GP could be playing for time, to save money, and not taking your concerns as seriously as he should. You need to know whether there's a diagnostician in your area or not ASAP, and if not, you need to ask for an out-of-area referral. I'd contact him in a few days and ask him what he's found out if I were you, though it would scare me to do it. It's not a lot to expect of a GP, just to find out whether there's a local specialist, and 2 weeks is ample time for him to do that for you. He'd probably have to ask for funding to get an out-of-area referral for you, and he might not get it, and it might all take a long time before you even find out. The National Autistic Society should be able to advise you on how to proceed if he doesn't get you the referral.

Interesting that there was little talk about symptoms - when I asked my GP for a referral, the same thing happened. She said she'd do it, but didn't look at my AQ test results or anything else - don't know whether that meant she believed me or just didn't care. She did offer to put them in with my notes, but as she'd told me I could have the referral, I didn't see the point.

It was a lot quicker privately, in fact the main delay was due to me - I talked to 4 diagnosticians and thought long and hard to choose the one that I felt might be best for me. They all have different ways of working, it's like choosing anything else in the private sector. The only snag might be that it might not turn out to be as well-recognised as the NHS version, but it remains to be seen how serious a problem that will be in practice.

Thanks
And yes, I think it does help to keep the remit very narrow with GPs - like "I want a referral for AS" is probably as good a way as any to open the dialogue.

Yes. Unfortunately, last time, my awareness of possible AS was something which developed a few years into what started as a general request to find some sort of mental condition to diagnose. This time I KNOW what I want and will be seen to know.

Well, in fact I gave them a call today to see where things were, and apparently a referral's being made though I couldn't get many details. I had thought that my GP may be stalling for time also, based on my previous experience with him, but I'm not willing to let it pass this time - I will keep calling back if I don't get more definite information soon.

I already attend a local NAS support group in my area - I've got some recommendations of private specialists who do diagnoses from ther. This has been really helpful for me, so that's definitely a route I may persue.



It sounds like you were better prepared than me! However, I got the usual sense the he was in a rush and that he didn't want to get involved in a detailed discussion over symptoms, and would rather push the problem elsewhere. Last time, in my case this was to a councillor which even after 6 sessions was a waste of time - she talked more than me and what help it gave was totally superficial - I'm not prepared to go the same route this time - and I made that clear to my GP.

Well, I went to the post-diagnostic session today and received copies of the report and some lists of support people. The diagnostician was surprised to hear that the NAS had said a private DX might not be as well-recognised as the NHS variety, and reckons there shouldn't be any difference. Anyway, the next step is to take the report to my (NHS) GP who will apparently accept the diagnosis and incorporate it into my records. Most likely they'll also cancel the NHS referral and be glad to have saved the money. Then I need to find out who at work is responsible for digesting the news that I have a disability - they probably have an occupational health division, or something similar. Absolutely no point approaching my line managers in the first instance - they're very unlikely to even know what AS is.

Congratulations on your progress so far. I think you would be best giving copies of your diagnostic statement both to your immediate manager and also to your employer's personnel office. Make sure that they know that you know about the Disability Discrimination Act, including the "General Duty" of the 2005 DDA which I mentioned on p2 of this thread.

Thanks, RarePegs. I'll certainly be taking a good look at the DDA.

To be honest, I'm at something of a low ebb since the result was declared.

The area of work that gives me the most angst by far, and will be the main focus for adjustments, is also the area that the management have traditionally been very inflexible about. Historically, it was foisted upon the staff in the most draconian manner, and has been the focal point for a great deal of bitter conflict, and the management have traditionally been hostile to anybody not giving their all to this work. Rather than train anybody in how to do the job properly, they have simply immersed us in it and assumed that anybody who has been involved in it for a few years, and is still walking about, is somehow responsible for the success of the whole venture. Year by year they tighten the ratchet, cutting back on resources and insinuating an expectation of more from us, and staff have often complied and colluded in this process rather than resist. Typically, there isn't enough time to do the work effectively within our contracted hours, and people regularly find themselves losing most of their rest breaks and working late into the evening rather than leave the job unfinished.

Quite likely this kind of behaviour by management is illegal in the UK, even for neurotypicals, but the union has been of no help, and individual workers have responded to the demands by either knuckling under, resigning, or by becoming management lackeys, hoping to win their favour by applying pressure to their workmates. And now here I am with an offical disability which objectively ought to drive a bus through the management's desires. If I were the kind of guy who enjoys a fight, I'd be rubbing my hands together in glee as I prepared to drop my bombshell - indeed, if I get my wish and am either exempted from this particular part of the job or have significant adjustments made to it (the whole thing is shot through with demands that would stress out and depress any Aspie), I'll feel highly satisfied. But right now I just feel like Oliver Twist about to ask for more. They're going to be royally pissed off with me. Authority figures scare me half to death - they only have to get angry and my mind goes into blank-out mode. Every instinct I have tells me to bury the DX and pretend it never happened. But my thinking brain tells me that I have to go ahead and give it my best shot.

On top of that, the new confirmation that I really do have AS has hit me hard - I thought I'd already been through all that when I first concluded it from my own investigations, and I'd figured that a professional DX wouldn't really affect me, in fact I thought I'd feel more relieved than upset, to get the validation that I was correct in my suspicions. But I was wrong. Somehow I must have been hoping that it was just a bad dream.

Then to cap it all, my wife left me this morning to go and live in London. I've know it was about to happen for some time. The relationship is by no means over, but I don't see how we're ever going to live together again. She made various excuses but it's hard to escape the notion that the real reason for the separation is that she can't cope with living with an Aspie.