how sociable were (are) your mother and father, what affect

Post Reply New Topic

My mum said my dad didn't communicate that much. He could talk to people because I recall him talking about the War in Iraq with people and he was a really smart man too. Mum said he had to go to a speech therapist. It could have been because of his thick Indian accent or maybe he had my speech problems. I think he was an aspie. He used to take me fishing with him. It was great fun because we both weren't that big on conversation.
I feel a little sad talking about him.

My mum isn't too outgoing but she is social. She's got a few friends and really wants to meet another man. She goes out a lot, usually to a dinner or sometimes out drinking with the girls, lol. She tries to get me to go out, because she isn't like my dad. I try to tell her why I don't want to be social but she just doesn't listen.

When I was a kid my mum wouldn't force me too much to talk to other kids. I had this one friend that I'd play with. We went to church so there was always kids around my age to talk to. I think maybe after my friend moved she tried to get me to make more friends. It annoyed my sister because she forced her to let me hang out with them.
She still pressures me to go out.

I don't think any of them affected my socialbility. It was something I had to learn on my own. I'm a lot like my dad but I saw my dad on the weekends, then it was every weekend fortnightly.

My dad, as I've already discussed here was pretty much a hermit-like shut-in, and barely spoke to his friends....at least whatever few friends he had.

Do I think he was on the spectrum? You know, I really don't.

I don' know why, but I really don't see it.

My mom was looney toons, flat out. She belonged in an institution.

Basically, whatever friends were friends they both had, and they were just ehh, for the most part.

I remember when I was younger my mom knew this woman who had two kids, who when my mom went to visit her, I would play with her kids. I could tell her kids didn't really want to put up with me.

Yeah, what a shocker to hear from someone who's AS, right?

Well, I know now that my mother had a Narcissistic/Borderline Personality thing going on. So she was always being psychologically abusive. But she also taught me to appreciate the arts. I inherited my artistic and writing abilities from her, as well as a love of beautiful things. My mother was an artist and a musician, with the ability to both write song lyrics and music. She could paint beautiful pictures too.

My father was very easily riled, and would yell at us kids. Sometimes he beat us. He had no patience with anyone or anything. He liked televisions-he would find television sets that people had discarded, bring them home, and fix them. I remember playing with television tubes, as a child. He also loved taking pictures, and making slides of family outings that we could watch on a projector later. He was very intelligent, and understood trigonometry and algebra, which are like foreign concepts to me.

They rarely went out socially, and it was even more rare for them to entertain. They fought a lot, sometimes physically. That was awful. It used to make me physically ill to hear them

How this affected me? Because of my mother, I had to grow exceptionally strong and self sufficient. Neither parent was good at showing support, or affection, unfortunately. That made me suffer from an extremely low self esteem, for a long time. I also learned responsibility, because of having so many younger siblings.

My parents' weakness taught me to be stronger and independent.

I realized I couldn't ask them to support me long-haul, or ask for their help, cause they could barely sustain themselves.

My mom's family, though, always had the traits of high success and inner strength though, which is probably where I get mine from; she couldn't show it being the black sheep of the bunch, not to mention having a few screws loose, with no self-esteem or self-confidence.

On hindsight I see that my mother was NT and my father was Aspie.

It must have been very hard for her. She came from a wealthy and social family and expected more from life, but she stuck by my father.

My father was a good and kind man but socially clueless.

Who gets up from the table at a family Christmas dinner and announces "I gotta go take a leak?"

Oh my god. Talk about embarrassing?

hi wom, thanks for sharing that....and thank all of you for a real eye opening experience into the detaols of your life

My husband
My teen aged daughter
Both of my brothers......

My husband
My teen aged daughter
Both of my brothers......



I actually have a picture of some Christmas diner long since past where everyone "seems" to be dressed for diner. However.... if you look very close at the picture.... you will notice that both of my brothers are sitting there in their underpants!! ! They knew they were only expected to be dressed for the pictures sake, so they didn't bother with the pants!

Hey? I think I can hear a banjo playing.....quietly..... off in the distance.....

...lmao

Hey now... banjo players are nice people! I'm friends with plenty.

As I said, my father was a good kind and generous man but he never really "got it".

When my children gave him a present he would never say "thank you, that is nice"

Worse still, six months later he would give the same present back saying "I don't want this, you take it"

I could have wrung his neck many times except that I knew that he loved me and my children.

So now he is gone and I am the "head of the family". God help me.

My dad is more at ease around people than my mom is. He generally likes being around people he likes, and is good with such people, but has a habit of telling incompetent people what they do wrong and what he thinks of them. He's a good conversationalist and gets along well with people who know what they're talking about, although he can go on and on even when someone doesn't care what he has to say.

My mom never even had a boyfriend before my dad. She joined the high school marching band, but couldn't make friends. (As in, she was too much of a geek to have friends in the band! .. I had the same problem) She's a math professor now. She has a few friends she still knows from high school (they're kinda strange too.. and my parents both went to the same high school, so my dad knew 'em too), she has a friend from work (another math professor) and a few friends from the Buddhist meditation center she goes to.. she realized she was in her element there because there were other Rumi fans. (other people obsessed with a 10th century Sufi poet)

Yea.. you can see where I get it from...

My dad is very shy and introverted, like me so I probably got it off him. My mum has to do loads of things for him because he's too quiet and passive, I don't think he's an aspie or anything, just quiet.

My mum is sociable and has friends over, she's convinced she's shy but not from what I've seen. She's not the life and soul of the party exactly but she is social. If I tell her about an incident where I've felt anxious around people she says stuff like "I was just like you at your age" which I cannot imagine for one second.

My parents are both introverted. They don't have many friends, don't go out much, and don't have people over a lot. My dad thinks that this is why I have so many social issues (he doesn't believe I have AS...I'm not sure he believes AS exists, actually).

My mom is shy, but you'd never know it; she's very cheerful and friendly and makes conversation seem effortless. People love talking to her, and she genuinely likes people. She does feel shy sometimes, especially about approaching people, but her shyness hasn't really been an impairment since she was a teenager, and even then she did have friends. She has some other AS traits, like clumsiness and trouble making eye contact...but my AS definitely comes from her side of the family (there are at least two other undiagnosed aspies in my family) and a lot of my relatives have a few AS characteristics.

My dad is just a social clod. He's not very sympathetic and he always manages to say the wrong thing, especially now that he's losing his hearing and isn't sure what exactly the other person said. He's also notoriously passive-aggressive...basically, his communication skills are crap. He's not nearly as introverted as my mom or me, but I'd say he's more of an introvert than an extrovert.

My father was quiet but he was approachable and friendly with a good social circle
of friends.
My mother is much more talkative and will speak to complete strangers,but without the subtle social skills that build and maintain friendships. In early childhood I think I had an adverse reaction to my mother's continual talking,because I couldn't cope with it
and at one stage became almost mute myself,possibly as a subconscious protest.

My mom was very social and I think maybe was ADD. My dad was not. He told me he didn't have any friends either so not to worry about it. When he got a computer at about 60, he learned to use a spreadsheet and spent hours and hours on it.

--des