Anyone Have Trouble Saying "Hi"?

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I get this one all the time too. If someone says hi to me, partciualry someone I dont know too well, I kind of clam up. I do say it back these days even though I feel silly sometimes, it was more difficult when I was younger.. I'd very often look at the floor and pretend not to hear to avoid the social contact. These days I try to think 'well it might seem silly to me, but others like it' and that makes it much easier and I think by how I react most people do pick up on my shyness and dont automatically presume its rudeness.

I'm FAR worse at knowing what to say or when to walk away from a converstion though...you know that really awkward scene going to walk away and not relaising the person hasnt quite finished what there saying....or I start talking before the oither persons finished a few times before I get to say it.

Me too...I feel completely embarrassed waving or shouting something to someone across the street.

Hi and bye suck butt.

They get all stuck in my throat or they come out with the wrong sound or loudness. Gaaaaah.

But as for when to say it, I usually just smile first, and then the other person will either smile or say hi, and if they do say hi, I'll say it back. So that makes it easy.

Well, as I mentioned first thing on this thread, there was a problem that a person running a studio that I work at told an employer he was upset that I never said "hi" to him. Today I happened to see him, he looked at me and said "hi (my name)", and I looked at him and smiled, and said "hi". Then he asked me if I had gotten the message, that he was upset that I never said "hi" to him. Well, I was stunned, I didn´t know what to reply, I just said "I´m sorry, but I think I have Asperger´s Syndrome". That was the first time I just mentioned it like that, in a public situation. (I´m undiagnosed). I´m not sure if it was the "right" thing to do, but I really had no "logical" explanation as to why I never said "hi" to him...(I basically never noticed him saying hi). Well, he actually seemed okay with that explanation. He explained that he thought I hated him or something. I explained that no, in fact I felt quite bad when I found out that I wasn´t saying hi and he was offended...I just never realized it. So, I think maybe everything is okay now?

Today, outside the same studio, another person acknowledged my presence by nodding and smiling at me. I made no reaction, and it was only after the fact, after he had turned and gone, that it suddenly "registered" that he did that. I just picked up on it too late. So I think that´s part of the problem with me...

Isn't it amazing what happens when people actually tell someone when they're having a problem with them? I'm glad the two of you sorted the whole thing out. It would have been better if he'd addressed the issue with you from the start. If he'd just told you sooner, it would have saved both of you a lot of worry and pain; I hope that's something he took away from the encounter.

It's similar to an issue I'm having where third parties are told about problems people are having with me while I'm told there's nothing wrong. I keep telling them to tell me when there's a problem, not someone else. It hasn't sunk in, yet.

Regards,

Patricia

Okay, I would have been stunned, too. That seemed a little uncouth of him, to address it by means of a third party and then bring up the fact, as if you had now been brought around to see reason and rightly so. I have a funny outlook on what true good manners are, however. I'm pretty sure they involve doing the right thing, not the "rote" thing. Lawks, that was corny. I mean that I wish people could just be straightforward instead of having so many silly little pagan social rituals and ostracizing the non-participants until they make nice and perform the expected tribal dance moves. So to speak.

But I just took a look at my husband's Facebook page, and looking at one of those brings out the anti-social in me. Well, brings it out more. I'm glad you came to some sort of agreeable resolution. If you're satisfied, that is.

I just find it a little confusing sometimes...I usually either say hi too quickly or too slowly. I was sometimes like this even with friends and they'd joke about being offended that I didn't say hello...usually I'd wait to go up to them and say something if I really had something to say.


And I just remembered that in high school some of my peers and I would just quickly nod at each other and say, "what's up?" without really answering each other. How strange.

Story of my life.... they all go talk behind my back and the first I know of it is I'm not invited or fired or any of the other exclusion tactics the NTs use to punish. It always blind sides me, completely pulls the rug out from under my feet... and stupid me thought these were my friends or at least not enemies.

What it must be like to be able to read the warning signals...

I just said it out aloud. No problems at all.

In person, I can say it fine and without problems too if someone says it to me first. The problems begin to start from here on out (even direct questions can sometimes make me fumble if I really wasn't expecting them).

Another thing on a similar note I'm terrible with is making phonecalls. I hate the introductory part of the call I tend to jump quickly into why I'm phoning without the smalltalk. I find it much easier when someone phones me and has to do all that part.

In fact today, when I actually said,"Hi" to someone the other person looked at me as, if I had conducted either some felony or that I must be someone from some mental institution.Anyways, I guess trying to be nice and all does not always work with most people.No, not to say being nice is wrong just, that some persons tend to react in unorthodox manners that's all..

I like it when an old gentleman walks past and says "G'morning". I say good morning back. Sometimes I give them a smile as well.
I'm fine at replying with "hi" but I'm never the first at saying it.

what really ticks me off is how it's ok for them to never say "hi" first, but you're always expected to say hi or else you're the rude one. this is what i always get. incessantly.

even when i'm in a grocery check-out line, i'll notice the cashier will greet every single person in line until they get to me, and then they won't say anything. and i don't even know this person or have ever spoken to them for them to treat me this way! it's like they seeeee something on me, some mark of cain or something.

I think the reason he did it this way is that he "thought I hated him", as he said. He thought he was receiving a "vibe" from me- (which wasn´t there). But, I think because of this, he was afraid to approach me. I can understand this. When I think someone doesn´t like me- rightly or wrongly- I can have a hard time approaching them too. You just don´t want to add insult to injury. I don´t mind that he chose a 3rd party, I think I would have been even more thrown if he had approached me first. As it was, I heard it from someone I know, making it more comfortable, and she´s pretty "laid back" about things. Which meant that I had time to think about it a bit. If he had approached me without her, I probably would have just stuttered and stammered, and said something totally incoherent!