Why are NT's here?

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I come to find victims for my sadistic pleasure mostly.

But other than that coming here you can find interesting topics from people who in some aspects of life are the same as myself. Either that or make me feel I ain't that bad.

But yes, finding victims mostly as I say.

Perfect... since this thread was designed to round up people like you

Considering the anti-"NT" threads and posts that sometimes pop up on the forum, which can get very nasty and insulting, I'm glad this doesn't deter you from visiting and posting, Janissy.

If you will follow me into a little sidestreet here: I was in a cafeteria the other day, where I read an old magazine that featured a short interview with a mother who's son had PDD-NOS. She and her son - who's approx. my age - had had a falling out (according to her story, he was angry because she had forgotten about an appointment or promise), and he was no longer speaking to her and acted coldly whenever they happened to meet. And at the end of the interview she said that though it made her sad, she also felt she had to accept his response because 'he doesn't understand, for he has no sense of empathy and doesn't understand how he's hurting her feelings'. When I read that I thought that was very much simplifying things, and reducing a person to their disorder, for lack of a better word.

While I can get behind the 'lack of empathy' argument (much discussed topic on this forum, and I do consider myself lacking in empathy), I remember being angry at people for extended periods of time for seemingly unimportant reasons... but I also remember that I very much acknowledged the other party felt hurt, angry, or sad, I just didn't want to repair our rapport for reasons such as feeling uncomfortable or clumsy about making that very move, and also for feelings of pride, not wanting to admit my wrong, etc.

The point that I am long-windedly trying to to get to here, is that there are people who, when newly introduced to autism through a relative, child, friend, or lover who is autistic, try to dismiss certain responses as 'oh, it's their autism. They can't help it, it's the way their brain is impaired. It's uncomfortable for us, but we love them so we accept their disease.'
And I think THAT is why it's good that non-autistic friends, relatives, parents, lovers join the forum and join in the conversations and provide feedback. It's good that there are parents/relatives who WANT to do that, who are interested in the thoughts and words of us on the spectrum ourselves, and not just the opinions of therapists, psychologists, or other parents/relatives who have 'experienced living with someone who has autism'.

While I'm among those who have known the fortune of having a loving family and good friends, I find it important that friends, relatives, parents like you, Janissy, participate on the forum, so that we can ALL compare notes. Non-autistic perspectives on autistic behaviour is invaluable if we want to improve our communication.

Well said! I come here because I have a good friend that I love who has AS and I'm trying to gather information and understand more. I've been given wonderful advice by the Aspie's here and if not for them, I would have given up hope long ago. I've not seen an NT here who wants to bully anyone, if anything, they want to offer help and advice for anyone who needs it.

I welcome them visiting here as long as it's to learn about us, and they're visiting with good will and an open mind.

I've got lots of unhappy memories of taunting, bullying, contempt, rejection, and such from NTs, but I've also had many kind, compassionate NTs in my life, and still do. I'm not going to let myself fall into the habit of seeing all NTs as potential abusers. I hope NTs are visiting here because they want to understand us.

That is quite interesting for, I did not know that any secret surveillance was even going. Still, I understand your point and all as, I have no problems with NT's as long as such persons show the same respect as I've show such individuals in my own life and nothing more..

I don't know how this idea came about that NT's have some universal adversarial nature towards people with AS. While it's humorous to joke about it has nothing to do with the reality of interaction on this site or in real life IMHO. We just understand people that we have had bad experiences with to belong to the greater population which we also accept as neurotypical. I learn just as much from NT"s when they offer their views and wish the ones that are here would be more outspoken so I could understand the way NT members see the world.

Cyclops, Your comments don't indicate to me a lack of empathy just a lacking in theory of mind. I say this because I have felt the way you described before and was due to my misunderstanding and emotions that I was not able get out of them for a time. I think it is natural you are just upset at that time. But you did acknowledge the feelings later which is something that people without empathy will not do. You are wise for your age. I would encourage you to swallow the pride next time and give it a try. It is very good for you and you will be less burdened.

Last edited by rathernotsay on 06 Aug 2009, 1:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes! The imput from doctors, therapists and teachers has its place but is necessarily limited by lack of insider experience. My daughter's doctor can tell me things about autism that she's learned from clinical research she's read and from spending office time with a number of different kids all over the spectrum and observing commonalities. But that only goes so far. It's also skewed towards very grim and doomish views since a doctor sees people the most when they are coping the least. And what you see the most is what sticks in your head.

Teachers have a different view than doctors but it is also limited. However, their input actually seems more valuable since they see students on a constant basis and not just when things are suddenly going very badly so they are less skewed towards doom. The best of them have also figured out how to teach workarounds (I'm speaking of the specialist teachers and not the mainstream ones who just get mad at the AS kids for stimming during class or whatever.)

Other parents can be either very helpful or downright toxic, depending on where they personally are.

But of course nobody understands things quite as well as the people who personally have these experiences and learn from them and can pass that knowledge on.

One unexpected good thing that has already happened as I babble on trying to parse out various social situations and NT social things (like white lies, or implicit versus explicit communication) is that I'm forced to put into words things that were largely automatic and subconscious before. My daughter has reached a point in her life where she is starting to ask me questions like "what did it mean when she said this?" or "what did it mean when his head moved like that?". She asked me these questions before I foiund WP but my answers were likely very unhelpful because I didn't really get what she didn't really get. But here on WP people have been asking adult versions of those very same questions and also explaining in a way that adults can but children can't, exactly WHY they didn't get something. So I formulate answers here and then turn around and give the kiddie version to my daughter when she asks the kiddie version of the questions that come up here. She doesn't know why she doesn't know and that was a huge area of confusion for me. But you all do know and are adults and can put it in adult words. Which helps me a lot. And hopefully helps you too if my answers were anywhere near the mark. (For the record, this is a reference to Greentea's now-stickied AS/NT HOTLINE thread which was meant to open communication and I think has succeeded.)

exactly, you just put down what I thought and wanted to post, but you made it all clear and saved me the work, thank you!