Are you AS or MILD AS?

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The doctor I went to only gave me a diagnosis of PDD-NOS. She was very strict in the fact that if I was able to come see a doctor on my own, I probably don't have AS. I felt that made sense to me. I used to have meltdowns constantly (still do sometimes) and I needed a word to call that. I needed anything that made sense, explaining why I'm constantly fighting the urge to bite myself, or hit myself. I felt like I was going insane. If suddenly, they took that word away from me, and I have no explanation as to why I still struggle to keep my behavior "sane". I feel like I would be completely lost.

The truth is I feel comfortable talking to people now. I avoid them to some degree but when I want to talk, I'm able to go up and talk to someone. I can go out to restaurants and be fine (though I'm always the first to get up to leave). I've gotten jobs before and out of 5 jobs, I only got fired from one despite being reprimanded numerous times by every boss I've ever had. (I did quit one before I got fired though, and to be honest, if they weren't understaffed, I would've been fired). I can read facial expressions and I can follow a conversation while fighting the urge to talk about my interests.

That is all stuff I learned how to do by intensely watching others and mentally noting everthing they do. It took years to learn this stuff and I still get called awkward by someone once a week (at least). I still get mad at people for apparently "no reason" People misunderstand me on a daily basis. I get told that I'm rude all the time without knowingly being rude. Some people think it's funny or charming. Then again some NT are pretty weird and I work in the arts so that ups the weirdness.

When I go home, I find it extremely comforting to get on my computer and check my e-mail. I know 90% of the time it's empty but I don't care. I look forward to those 30 seconds all day long. After I check my e-mail I look forward to the walk to work in the morning, with my music. After the walk to work I look forward to the start of the day (it starts the same way every day) after that I look forward to checking my e-mail again. These things keep me "sane". Then once in a while something will happen that would be no big deal to anyone else and suddenly I'm in this stuggle against myself. I'm struggling not to cry, bite myself, hit myself, anything. When I get excited about something, I have to struggle not to flap my hands because I was teased so much in school that I'm scared to. I don't know why I do these things but they're a part of me.

Now given all this information (if you actually read all of it, sorry it's long) how would I be classifed? Mild, moderate or severe? Most people don't believe me at all when I say I'm on the spectrum. The doctor placed me in a "not otherwise specifed" position on a spectrum. I don't know what that even means but I don't have the money to make it specified. So someone tell me please...how do you classify people? What's the general criteria?

And I haven't done that either, I've simply stated the dangers of self-diagnosis and the benefits of a professional one. You are just getting protective and defensive because you are (obviously) self diagnosed and are scared of being at the wrong end of a witch hunt, which this is not. Technically your argument (quoted above) really says that self-diagnosis is a sham anyways. Because if I am not qualified to diagnose, and I work heavily in the field, then you a lot of others, certainly are not, which therefore makes your self-diagnosises null and void, which, in my opinion, they were anyway. I feel happy that you have found something which brings you comfort and helps you to understand yourself and that you can identify with. But at the end of the day, I could identify very strongly with a horse or a cow, and believe that is who and what I am, but still, that is not what I am.

Actually, Greentea is officially diagnosed (which you would know if you had checked her profile). How does that affect your accusations about her motivations?

Even if she *were* self-diagnosed, I would point out that she would be diagnosing *herself*, whom she presumably knows pretty well. You on the other hand, are passing judgment on the self-diagnoses of people you have never met.

I'm officially dx'ed with NLD by the way (I don't have AS), in case you care to examine my motivations.

Ah well my apologies about the mistake about diagnosis and the witch hunt comment too, but you do come across as particularly defensive, perhaps it is because this forum is populated heavily by self-diagnosed people and they are your friends. But it really doesn't change anything I said about self-diagnosis as I wasn't really talking about GreenTeas situation specifically, just self-diagnosis in general. And for the millionth time, I'm not diagnosing anyone, so stop fantasizing that I am.

You felt I was talking to you, so you obviously HAD done that.

I only got a professional diagnosis because it's required in order to get social security money (for those of us who can't work due to the AS). To me, as I've said it many times on WP, a professional's dx is worth much less than my self-diagnosis, because they don't understand AS as well as I do. Proof of it is I was diagnosed by the no. 1 AS specialist in the country, and this person has requested to remain in touch with me and the organization I'm a National Director of, AWA, to ask me questions as they arise in her work, because she herself told me how much less they specialists know than us Aspies.

This doesn't mean that anyone coming into WP for a chat and claiming to be self-diagnosed indeed has AS-type neurology. It only means that none of us can judge better than they can themselves, however poor their judgement may be. However ignorant their judgement may be, ours will be more ignorant for sure because we don't even know them. This is what I meant by "more ignorance doesn't cure ignorance".

ShogunSalute,

I think in fairmess and with the greatest respect that you 'come across' and very angry and frustrated.

I'm not sure what your real agenda is here.

I thought this was a forum for people to help each other or at least to be a place where weirdos like us can come together as equals, without the complications of physically meeting.

I dont think you current style of writing here is going to win many friends or change too many minds.

You're obviously not very happy at the moment.

Why not write an article to a quality newspaper, to a Congressman or Senator or the President, someone who can actually DO something about the dire situation that you perceive.

If you weren't talking to me, then why did you quote me? I thought when someone quoted you it mean they were talking to you, like directly. I'm pretty sure that's how it goes on forums. If you are indeed in the position you are in, then you should know how important diagnostic statistics are for advancement of treatments (not just for Aspergers, but all ASDs). I do not care what you've been told, or by who, this is not a pissing competition. I'm sure we both know very important people in the field, who cares. I am in the exact same position as you, I have the job I have because I am HFA and I can provide much needed answers to questions. I don't see how you can not understand the dangers of self-diagnosis, especially long term.

"Mild Alzheimer's"? There certainly is NO SUCH THING as mild Alzheimer's - it is a debilitative disease that becomes progressively worse until the body's basic functions shut down and the victim DIES. Nothing mild about it. It may seem less severe in the earliest stages, but the end result is always the same - death. There is nothing mild about that. No one EVER recovers from Alzheimer's DISEASE.

As for 'mild' Cerebral Palsy, Downs Syndrome, Bipolar disorder, Schizophrenia or even depression (if it's mild you aren't really depressed are you?) - I have never heard a professional ever refer to any of those as even bearing the possibility of being 'mild'. You either have them or you don't.

I have said before, and still assert, that if you THINK you have 'mild' AS, then either you don't really have it at all, or you're in denial as to just how you appear to those around you.

Good point and made without the bitterness and anger et al of ShogunSalute;


If those are my two choices then I would have to at least allow the possibility of denial.

I only just heard about Asperger's (literally a few weeks ago) so I wasnt in denial about IT.

I was certainly completely blind to my behaviour, which I now fully accept.

The question is am I in denial and deluding myself that my behaviour is only mild whereas infact I am a complete fruit basket

There do seem to be diagnosed posters (if we are to believe them) who claim that they are able to manage their condition reasonably well.


Is it ok to have AS AND for some of us to be better at coping than others or are you saying that if we have AS we are all lost causes and misfits and that any perception that we have any kind of handle on our condition is delusional:?:

That's indeed a point I wanted to mention too. Not so much denial, as the impossibility of knowing. Eg: I could say that I have "mild" AS because I only don't get body language and tone of voice, which gets me rejected and fired. However, I'd be saying this because my social blindness is actually sooo NOT mild, that I'm missing the fact that I'm also severely impaired in the political, the hierarchical, the inferred, the unsaid. And as the workshop leader told us today: "Your boss won't say to you 'hey, try to be a better political player" but will certainly fire you for not being one." So the feedback we get is minimal, and we can very easily be misled to not even know that these areas exist and that we're impaired in them, anything but "mildly". I came into WP saying I was a mild case. Boy was I wrong - my ToM is one of the worst in the WP community, and my inference from the unsaid is one of the most devastatingly impaired some members here (Aspies and NTs) have said they've seen. It's not so much that I was in denial, but that I had no knowledge of the mere existence of such things as ToM and the unsaid.

"Mild" x-disease means that you have a milder form of the disease in comparison to those with a more severe form. And yes, you can certainly have mild Alzheimer's. I work in a hospital and we do get patients with "mild" dementia (of different types, including Alzheimer's). "Mild" in regards to dementia generally means "early in the disease". And yes, doctors will actually list "mild dementia" in the patient history in the chart. Someone who is just starting to have difficulties living independently due to Alzheimer's certainly has a "milder" form of the disease than someone who has profound cognitive and communication deficits and no longer responds to what is going on around them. "Mild" AS does not mean unimpaired AS (if you are not impaired, you do not have AS)- it just recognizes that you are less impaired than some others with AS.

Last edited by LostInSpace on 11 Oct 2009, 12:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hi Lady,

Good stuff. I am very comfortable with the idea of being 'just' AS (without the mild prefix).

I also accept that given my blind spots, I hit every criteria, I may actually be missing their severity, in the same way that I missed the fact that I had blind spots for over 40 years.

My 'problem' as always is my brain.

With an IQ in the top 2% I believed that this was enough for professional/occupational success............WRONG

I do manage to run a succesful company, using mostly my intellect and I have encountered shock and disbelief when mentioning my AS to people who know me (they also assumed I was joking )

BUT..............I spend very little time with these people so I accept the possibility that I may none the less be a real mess and a walking disaster.

My wife of course expressed no such disbelief when I told her, infact it was almost an indifference as if to say, 'oh, they have a name for it do they '

Please point out where I was angry and bitter. I haven't had either of these feelings while posting, so I'm amazed that you have perceived me that way.

Meh, people have told me they were being sarcastic and then they say they were serious and I go "So you weren't being sarcastic then" and the person goes again "Oh I was" and I point out "But you said you were being sarcastic" "I was" "But you told me you were being serious" that nonsense crap.

You are DIAGNOSED AS so I why would you expect to know HOW anyone would perceive your communication

Your feelings and how we perceive your postings are not the same thing, but you would not be expected to know this if you have DIAGNOSED AS.

We could put it to a poll but I think we both know what the answer would be

There's another reason why someone may believe they have a "mild" case, apart from denial, positive environment and ignorance of reasons for being rejected. It is precisely Aspies who are actually not mild at all that will often be unable to rise to more complex spheres in the social interaction world and therefore will never encounter certain challenges that would show them how very impaired they are. Eg: never get hired for a sales job or never get to date a high-society family offspring (where money-influence-power-authority-hierarchy politics plays a huge role).

...And yet one more: upbringing. An abusive or a supportive childhood makes a huge difference as to how an Aspie will cope with the world later on. Whether your AS was seen as a challenge and an opportunity for growth for your parents, or as a shame to be denied, blamed on you and whipped out of you, will make a world of a difference. A mentally-healthy Aspie and a beaten, traumatized Aspie will NOT have the same degree of success coping with the world. The healthy one may be called "mild AS" but it's not the truth.

One has to be extremely careful to take all these reasons into account before saying someone is a "mild" case. The fact that they report no big problems doesn't mean their neurology is more similar to the NT neurology.

For that matter, I find it hard to believe that there are degrees of similarity to an NT neurology, that you can have a neurological structure that is "more similar to the NT one" or "more different from the NT one." All this is yet impossible to prove scientifically, of course.