Anxiety

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Odin
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03 Nov 2009, 6:50 pm

Laney2005 wrote:

I live in a state of constant anxiety. I used to drink a lot to try to make it go away. Now I take Valium, which worked well for about a day and a half. It's the only emotion I really do understand. A lot of the anxiety is social- "What am I going to screw up this time?" or related to scripts that I have being broken. I am afraid of going to the store and seeing someone I know, because it will break the script and I will wander out of the store, forgetting what I went to get in the first place. I am afraid of driving on the interstate because I cannot predict what other drivers will do. I am afraid of opening my mailbox. What if there's a letter from someone in there that I have to answer, or a phone call I have to make? But even all alone at home, doing things I love, it's still there-- lurking.

I have been this way since I was a little kid. In third grade I had a complete and total meltdown because I missed a word on my spelling test. I was terrified that I was stupid and that my parents wouldn't love me anymore because I was stupid. The school finally had to call my mom to take me home.

My mother tells me that I am paralyzed by my anxiety, and in a way she is probably right. What she doesn't understand is why I'm anxious, and a lot of the time I don't have the ability to explain it in words. I am anxious because I do not understand the way the world works. I am afraid to interact with people because I don't know how. I don't know what's happening and that is terrifying. I don't like not knowing what is happening or what is going to happen. And when you find it really difficult to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling, it's hard to know what's going to happen. And that just makes the anxiety worse. Wow. I just got that out in words.

And I can sort of see why stimming, routines and obsessing over other things can help this anxiety. Stimming releases energy in a repetitive, predictable way. Routines are predictable, and when followed lessen anxiety. Obsessing over topics, focusing on certain interests affords a level of control. When the outside world is unpredictable, it follows that you'd do things to try to make it fit a pattern.

Does this sound rational to anyone else? I feel like I'm somehow more self-aware now, but I don't think that's the case. I think rationality just won. Whoa.

WOW! That sounds almost EXACTLY like me, minus the Valium.

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AceOfSpades
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03 Nov 2009, 7:17 pm

People with AS are known to have bigger and more hyperactive amygdalas. Could this mean we experience more fear and anxiety?

Mapler
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03 Nov 2009, 10:47 pm

Wow there's more people with social anxiety than I thought. I thought half the aspies don't give a damn.

Who_Am_I
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04 Nov 2009, 7:02 am

I have generalised anxiety and OCD. I'm sure the generalised anxiety is related to my need to know what is going to happen so I can prepare mentally and prepare responses (I don't do spontaneity), which is, of course, impossible, since I'm not precognitive.
The OCD relates to not wanting to lose the things/people that are important to me. There are not a lot of things that I really care about, but the things that are important are extremely important.

Apart from making me worry constantly, the anxiety doesn't have too much of an effect on my life. I function the same way no matter how worried I am.

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JohnnyD017
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04 Nov 2009, 7:36 am

i_wanna_blue wrote:

Anxiety is like a cancer of the mind. I've been struggling with it my entire life.

Sometimes i feel like AS is the AIDS of the mind. As in it messes with your ability to cope with any other problem that comes up in life. :roll:

Anxiety isnt *part* of AS but it is fairly likely. Im guessing its mostly cos of past experience. It shouldnt be used as criteria to diagnose the disorder though. Many many people experience anxiety and its fairly common these days. Its not 1 in 200 or whatever AS is meant to be.

gramirez
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04 Nov 2009, 9:37 am

I'm in a perpetual state of anxiety.

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Joe90
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22 Jul 2010, 7:32 am

I always worry about trivial things (unimportant things). They mainly start kicking in when I'm out in public. Here's some examples of anxious thoughts what are running through my mind first thing in the morning:-
What if I've got to wait in the bus stop with loads of rowdy teenagers today?
What if I trip over today?
What if I start feeling sick?
What if a toddler starts having a temper tantrum near me?
What if people glare at me?
What if a bird poo's on my head?
What if somebody I don't know sits next to me on the bus?
What if I get told off at work today?
What if my MP3 or mobile phone stops working?
What if I get hit by a car when crossing the road?
What if I do something socially stupid?
What if I get told to shut up today?
What if I experience a sudden loud noise?
What if I get in someone's way?
What if my 14 year old cousin falls in love with a boyfriend already, before me? (I'm 20!)
What if my breath smells?
What if I forget something or loose something?
What if the bus driver doesn't accept my buspass?
What if I run out of change when I'm on the till at work?
What if me or my brother or my Mum get a tummy bug?

There's a lot more trivial things, but these are all I can think of.
But I also worry about bigger things what are normal to worry about but what are very unlikely to happen. Examples:-
What if the house goes on fire?
What if I find a lump on my breast?
What if I start growing a big tumour and start looking like Elephant Man?
What if my best friend moves back to Poland and I'll never see him again?
What if the bus service stops?
What if I do something stupid in my driving test?
What if I get occused of something I didn't do?
What if somebody breaks into our house?
What if my appendix bursts?
What if the bus crashes?
What if I get stabbed?
What if I fall in love and get pregnant, and give birth to The World's Ugliest Baby On Record?
What if I lash out one day in public and then become the laughing stock of the whole town?

I can't think of any more, but these lists show that I get anxious of a lot of things. I'm either in an anxious state about things what others don't even think about, or I'm in an anxious state about things what are serious but probably won't happen. The second list is worries what most NTs would worry about too, if it was going to happen to them.

Last edited by Joe90 on 22 Jul 2010, 7:39 am, edited 3 times in total.

Guitar_Girl
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22 Jul 2010, 7:33 am

I think I have social anxiety.

fleeced
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22 Jul 2010, 7:36 am

Social Anxiety. General Anxiety. Panic Attacks. Anxiety about Anxiety.
Would love one day without it.

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Exclavius
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22 Jul 2010, 8:29 pm

Anxiety is like this to me:

No matter what I'm doing, no matter what I'm saying, who what where when why... there is a single constant thought on my mind. I don't think in words per se... it's more basic than that.. but the best way to translate it is this:

"What if I get into a situation, that once getting into it, I decide I do not want to be in, but cannot get out of"

Doesn't matter if it's romantic, fiscal, social... I fear having the feeling of "duty" to something I don't want to do.

It's innate... it's just part of who I am. It's like I fear being trapped... not by someone else... but by my own actions... I don't think being trapped by another really scares me... it's MY actions that could lead to me being trapped that scare me... cause then I have no one to blame but me.

Yeah... Just saw the connection to the PTSD. If I could convince myself to the core of me that it wasn't my fault there... this could change. It was like a duty to be abused, that's how I saw it then at 10-11. No wonder I fear duties I might not want. It doesn't help that my sense of duty is so strong in some ways.... I have to become an automaton ... literally stop feeling.... to avoid something my mind tells me is a duty. The issue of duty was something my abusers drove home to me too. How does one purge themselves of such a strong sense of duty?

JCpatriots
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22 Jul 2010, 11:57 pm

I suffer from essentially constant anxiety. My medication (I take Ativan) somewhat relieves it, but even sometimes it doesn't help a whole lot. I'm still in a constant state of anxiety over pretty much everything to the point I get full fledge anxiety attacks (meltdowns, whatever) at least a couple times a month, sometimes weekly. I work as a cashier and I've had to leave work because of severe anxiety attacks.

LenieClarke
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23 Jul 2010, 12:22 am

Hi to my anxious friends - - Nick Dubin has written maybe the only book about AS + anxiety. And, he would be AS & a psychologist. He pukes up just about everything you could think of, but maybe the book is a tad dumbed-down as he holds Advanced Degrees & we are [duh] laity. One thing he claims [but offers no evidence backing it] is: anxiety in NTs has an emotional base, but for us it's neurological. Anyways ....

Exclavius
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23 Jul 2010, 1:56 am

LenieClarke wrote:

One thing he claims [but offers no evidence backing it] is: anxiety in NTs has an emotional base, but for us it's neurological. Anyways ....

Evidence or not, I have no doubt about the truth of it. Though many of us, especially those with co-morbid PTSD, also suffer emotionally based anxiety too.

StuartN
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23 Jul 2010, 1:57 am

LenieClarke wrote:

One thing he claims [but offers no evidence backing it] is: anxiety in NTs has an emotional base, but for us it's neurological. Anyways ....

I think Temple Grandin states (or quotes) the same, "anxiety is a primal state in autism", i.e. it is present to some degree all the time, and easily exacerbated.

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