Life as an aspie stinks. Period.

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What you say is true to an extent for many on the spectrum. However, I believe most people with Neurodevelopmental sequelaes would struggle in life like auties and aspies. If you struggle with comprehending social ettiquette and behaviour the general community will judge and punish you harshly.

Willard said,
"Well, it does suck, no argument there. But as much as I agree with that statement, it doesn't HAVE to suck quite as much as you make out that it does. Don't get me wrong, suicide is my constant companion. I hear her siren song calling me to sweet oblivion every day of my life. And if I choose to follow her there, I will not announce it to the world in search of sympathy. Sympathy will never stop the pain".

Couldn't agree more with this persons observations, people have little sympathy for others troubles or hardships, they only see weakness.

The best advice I could give you is to keep your inner torment quiet unless speaking with a therapist, people will most likely miss-understand and don't care what you are saying. Avoid conversation with people outside your social sphere(People who tolerate your personality) and refrain from comments directed at co-workers that are critical or identifying deficits in their efforts no matter how right you maybe.

Personally I think AS sucks because human beings are naturally driven towards being social and have an aversion to solitude. Definitely a cruel dilhema for people who are generally social pariahs. Envy people who enjoy their own company and are not drawn to socializing.

The problem with AS, and especially if combined with NLD, like in my case, is that life feels often not hard but impossible. This is because limitation X neutralizes the potential positive effects of talent Y, and in general, the social disadvantage colors most attempts in failure.

Eg: if you're extremely creative but put people off, you won't get funding or support for further creation, and so you're in the same position as someone with zero creativity. Creativity: neutralized. If you're unusually good at hyper-focus but suffer from motor clumsiness, you can't be a good cosmetician. One neutralized the other.

This constant neutralizing of our strengths back to zero by our limitations is like a straight-jacket we live in. We try to propel ourselves ahead, and there's an equal force propelling us back to the same place. Yes, some have such strong talents that they manage to tip the scales towards success, and burst the straight-jacket. But most of us are constantly in this loop of special talent-neutralized by-special limitation. Each time someone gives me advice, their advice is how to go round a certain limitation of mine, and into my special talents. But then, once in there, I'm faced with another limitation that doesn't make use of that talent possible.

Good at research - bad at relations with researchers ---> not good for research work
Interesting and attractive - puts people off --> neither interesting nor attractive
Outstandingly loyal - wrong body language messages, wrong ToM ---> liar and cheat
Intelligent, wise - misinterpret the situation due to non-verbals and ToM ---> stupid
Hard working, focused, dedicated ---> doesn't look in the eyes, doesn't respond appropriate to the specific cues --- absent-minded, lazy, distracted

That's well put! Especially for those of us that don't have any outstanding talents or skills. Sure, there's things I'm relatively good at but they are offset by the difficulties & problems. Unfortunately, perhaps, I still want relationships & friendships - if I could get over that or around it & be content without, it might be a lot easier. Then, others tell me not to focus on the negatives but it's also others that keep on at me about those in the first place! Welcome to reality, I hope you like it, I'm your guide...!

Greentea, once again you explained it perfectly.

Thanks, guys.

On a more personal note, this is the point I'm in nowadays. I'm amazed at my talents and skills (caused in the root by AS/NLD and developed with hard work) and at the same time for each one of them on the list there's a limitation (caused by AS/NLD) that is objective, neurological and unchangeable and won't let my talents come to fruition. If you look at my life, it seems I spent all 5 decades at point zero. Not so. I made amazing efforts and progress that were soon neutralized by opposing failure forces. Eg: NLD makes me bad at everything except language use, but I can't support myself using that talent because I was forced by my situation to move to a more Aspie-friendly country, which means I'll never be able to compete for a job with a local native speaker. This straight-jacket is what makes me whine and feel that life with AS+NLD sucks, because the limitations are so pervasive, they become entrenched in each talent... In work and social matters, there's nothing that I fully CAN do.

I got a fun little story for ya:

I'm known to browse around Facebook to the profiles of people I used to know; it's a weird thing with me; hell, so many have even dropped me from their profiles as I've previously mentioned, and no, I don't care...those who did were my classmates...and ironically the 10th ann. reunion is coming up next year. Do let me know if they could possibly give me any more reasons why there's so little point to even going.

Regardless, one of my classmates had a status report mentioning that--for the first time in 15 years, she was nine months clean from drugs or alcohol. Now, that means she was definitely utterly hammered and screwed up on the stuff when I used to know her...I'm also sure that bodily state wasn't only limited to her..but likely to most of my former classmates.

Where am I going with this, you may be wondering?

Do you really think most other folks have any easier a time coping with life than we do? No...they just load themselves up on smokes, drugs, or alcohol to do it.

Think about this: we naturally have twice the level of stress/anxiety that they do, and they still need to resort to mind-altering drugs & alcohol to cope with theirs.

Me? Aside from a few sips of ceremonial wine I tried a couple times at some family functions at the age of 14( and I do mean a few sips...that was it), I've never in my life touched a cigarette, alcohol, or drugs.

I cope with life thru reason, logic, problem-solving skills, and sheer willpower. Also, setting goals. That's what I do.

And no...being Autistic doesn't suck for me....I use it to my advantage...and believe me it sure does come in handy.

Willard, once again, thank you for your open hearted comments on 'living the AS Life'.

Its pretty much how i'm situatesd too.

Greentea, thanks for crystalizing how AS talents are 'neutralised' politically in an NT dominant world.
This has really been depressing me just lately, because now that i am of the 'invisible age 'that women experience, all my 'straightjacket busting' willpower is being rumbled by the politics stacked against older females.

But, a haven exists for wellbeing: yes I do have an alternate reality awareness and point for communication eg my dogs, cats, birds, and god. I find it amusing to do well on my limited budget to the extent that the grocer scratches his head wondering "...all for $1o.00 "! !
The simpler life.............and a in keeping with Greentea's neutralised theme...a still life?! !

This suggest to me that mabye, herein is a world AS people can live in fully.
Could this 'stillness' be a new frontier. i'm not joking, nor delusional, nor 'loosing it'.
Like, I feel was at the core of the original poster's reason for starting this thread, I am trying to find where we/i can have an unfettered life.
What do others think?

I do think its hard sometimes to be "out of the box" and not fit into that idea of the genetically perfect super human, but in my life I have come to realize that everyone has problems and hardships and times where life doesnt make sense to them. In my job I get to hear it all and trust me no life is exempt. I think its important to remember that as Aspies we do have a lot to offer and more times then not I feel lucky and better off. Aspie or not its very important for everyone to find a comfortable spot in life to fit and try to accept yourself for what you are.

Greentea wrote: