Loving mr spock

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I wasn't much for that book, I don't like how that woman makes out to be some sort of expert on the subject of AS. And she also made excuses for her boyfriend, while I could see he was just a complete nob head and a bit of a man-child, aspie or not, and I would not want to go out with a man like that. I did however enjoy reading about their relationship.

But Mr. Spock is not a mechanical anything, and definitely seems to have enough common sense. At least, never lacks it. I can't say the situations to use it come up often in Star Trek. Are you confusing Spock with Data?

It'd be interesting to ask why they find it so difficult to talk to their partners about what they're doing that hurts them. I for one would be livid if a supposedly committed partner of mine were found to be telling others (even potential sexual rivals) that they were on the verge of dumping me while holdng me in darkness on the same subject.


One of her friends said she was in an abusive relationship. She replied that it wasn't really a relationship (to sidestep the question of abuse)....her friend replied "you can say that again!" - so maybe that's the truth, that it wasn't a relationship, and Danny was correct?

That was the point I was trying to make; she only told the story from her perspective. She clearly had all these expectations, and was horribly hurt when he didn´t fulfill them. It was unclear if he even knew what was going on. If he was an Aspie, I can definitely understand why that may have been confusing for him. And I´m not sure if maybe she just wasn´t a crazy lady.......

Toughdiamond -

I have been told that people are just venting when they begin talking about planning to/or are already sexually or financially cheating their partners. Doesn't sound like venting to me - it sounds serious. I am not one to share details of my relationships with others so it makes me uncomfortable to hear these things. They are apparently looking for approval for their actions. In their minds, their relationships no longer exist - just as "Mr. Spock - Danny" never saw his relationship with the author as reality. They become detached just as Danny was never attached. Probably the same thing.

Dunno - she seems easy to wind up......she was less than objective when she replied to one negative user review on Amazon, IMHO:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R2ENC6T7 ... hisHelpful

Maybe as she says she did pre-empt criticism of her sweeping generalisations in the preface, but those generalisations are still there, and they're still just as wrong as they would have been without the preface (which I suspect most people don't read anyway). And who would agree with her that the book is "far from negative" ??? Really, did anybody here find it a tale to gladden the heart?

Please don't anybody rush in and flame her though.........contradict her if you wish (I'm thinking of doing that myself), but flames and put-downs will only make us look stupid, and drive her further into her trench. I doubt that she means any harm.


Yes that's a weird kind of venting. I'd be tempted to ask awkward questions like "how will your next partner be able to trust you when they know that you cheated on your existing partner?" or "don't you think you should leave a decent interval between relationships, if only for the sake of your own sanity?" or "what scares you so much about being partnerless for a while, that you have to crap all over the people you're supposed to love?"

I don't think the author means any harm either; she can only view the situation from her perspective (aren't aspies the only ones who do this? lol.) It was not a positive story and provided a view of Aspergers in a negative way but fortunately not in such a negative way as many partners who vent on the internet (I won't mention the site) about their partners who are "selfish monsters."

I probably got off course with the comments about infidelity. My train of thought constantly derails...

Many people (AS and NT) have other issues in relationships that cause the detachment that apsies also experience. These unhappy partners detach and rationalize their needs (and some have abandonment issues or refuse to nake time between relationships) and therefore have no problem in being unfaithful to their partners. They are unhappy, therefore they are not cheating. They deserve happiness. And so on and on... I usually feel sorry for their partners because they are not present to hear the things that are being said about them and may have no knowledge that their partner is lying to them. Honesty and communication are very important to a relationship.

Curious, given that the book originally (at least, it's the oldest edition listed), had the subtitle: "Asperger's Syndrome and How to Make Your Relationship Work".

Well spotted. Clearly she never found out how to make her "relationship" work.


I followed you off the beaten path too.... maybe we should have a thread about infidelity? You've got some interesting new ideas there.

Oh, that was very interesting!



Actually, I did find it relatively amusing. Maybe because I didn´t take it too seriously; for me, because the man wasn´t typical AS- (or maybe because he´s not much like me?)- I didn´t consider it a stereotypical story of an AS relationship. I sometimes find it fascinating to analyze people and relationships, and try to figure out what "makes them tick". As both characters were sort of odd, it was interesting from a psychological perspective. What drew them to each other? Etc. Although I would find it very unenjoyable to be stuck in the middle of a situation like this in real life, I do find it kind of fun to observe and analyze from afar.

Morgana -
I agree it was somewhat amusing since both characters - AS and NT - were quirky. As for AS relationship stories, I preferred the story of Sarah Hendrickx and Keith Newton. I enjoy re-reading that book. I see myself in the characters of both Sarah and Keith.

Toughdiamond - yes, we'll have to take the infidelity issue to another thread once I figure out how to begin that thread. Any ideas?

Hmmm....I've had a lot of failed relationships, so hearing of other failures usually makes me feel sad. But I must confess I loved the bit where Danny floored the Egyptian (or was it Turkish?) guy for beating up his own sister for getting herself engaged to Danny. Strange how the author's only comment was about how Danny had failed to appreciate the local customs - it was the only thing Danny did that made me admire him. But then the girl was Barbara's rival so maybe she saw it rather differently. I'd love to floor an abusive b****** with a single punch.


You mean how to start a thread (just hit the "new topic" button at the top of the page), or what to call it and what to say in the first post? That's more difficult. Could just call it "infidelity" (probably best in the Love And Dating forum), then repeat the ideas you've expressed here and ask for other people's takes on the subject.

I haven't read the book, but from the discussion here, this guy doesn't sound aspie at all -- he sounds like a sociopath. The aspies I know care about people. This guy just sounds like an ass.

I took another look, and I think he's an Aspie - a lot of the traits are mentioned but they're scattered through the book, The author remarked that whoever started the rumour that Aspies have no compassion should be hung, and gave an example of Danny's extreme compassion.....and the guy he punched had beaten up his girlfriend, not him personally. But Aspie or not, he does come over as a real jerk most of the time.

Oh, this book I haven´t read yet- and I´d really like to read it! Maybe I should buy that one next. I read something else by Sarah Hendrickx, and she explained a few things about NT behavior very well, so I had new insight. I´d be interested in reading more of her stuff.

Anybody know whether secretin infusions and Epsom salts (MgSO4) baths have any effect on autism? The author seems to think they're worth a try. I tried Epsom salts the other day, but it didn't seem to help. Did I get the concentration wrong?